Sunday Morning Comin’ Down…

...with a Special Guest Appearance by the Mighty Favog.

On Fox I want what Lindsey Graham’s smokin’ or chewin’ or whatever.

Lindsey lets us all know that we gotta stay in Iraq and get this right. Sure things are worse than we thought. Sure longer. Sure more expensive. Sure more dangerous (Of course when you flip any one of the big, flat rocks over you find the Republican Lies that put us in that trick bag in the first place crawling around like maggots, which – Shockingly! -- doesn’t particularly interest Senator Lindsey Graham. I guess when you’re the one dressed like a ninja, pistol in your belt, with a sack of loot slung over your shoulder, you’re not all that keen on investigating who it was that robbed the Quik-E-Mart.)

But we need to stay in there. We need to get it right in Iraq. Be patient.

And then comes the laundry list – everyone’s laundry list -- of “Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster, What I’d Like for Christmas.” We need to have a pluralist, Federalist, democratic government. A free-standing, self-defending, wealth-sharing, inclusive, chick-friendly, religiously tolerant government.

And if we don’t do that, there’ll be Hell to pay.

Shit, Lindsey; there are, what, 10? 12? 15? state governments in this here country that couldn’t pass that litmus test, which is not the point.

The point is very simple.

Figuratively, you want, “Mars, bitches!”

We have to get to Mars. We must get to Mars. We need to land Americans on Mars by this time next year. If we don’t...disaster.

Those are outcomes, Lindsey.

Anyone who has ever worked for an idiot bumblefuck of a boss or had to deal with a drunk in the family (Two exciting pathologies which both converge in this White House) knows that they’re all about talking in glowing terms about the Glorious Future...while they shit up The Present and ruin beyond repair the very tools that they need to make any progress at all.

Enough blather about ends, Lindsey: What are the means? How so we get there? More of the same? More of the failed same? The ruinous same that has already cost us so dearly and continues to play straight into the hands of our worst enemies every step of the way?

Or are we building a Sekrit Clone Army that none of us know about so we can stay in Iraq for the next four years without destroying the Army?

You want Mars...and you sit out in the back yard firing arrows impotently into the sky that never get above the tree-line and you say pull harder...more arrows...aim better.

Have to stop watching Fox now: Brit Hume's dead-barracuda stare and slit-throat grimace just made my cat start twitching violently.

Why my Local News is better than your Local News:

Barack Obama on Local NBC today. “City Desk” With Dick Kay. Barack clears up what he really said about endorsing Mayor Daley which sure sounded balanced and well-reasoned and not-at-all “controversial”. Dick Kay said as much, and that much seems to have been “lost in translation”.

Lot of that going around.

Barack remembers when Dems proposed tapping the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Remembers when Dems proposed gas taxes...and the Republicans went ape-shit.

Now gas prices are at $3/gallon...Petro companies are making unbelievable, historic, ursurious profits that would make a PayDay Loan Shark blanch, and the Republican Party is silent. The only “solution” we’re offered is, “We’ll drill our way out of it.” More silence. We have fucking tax-exemptions for SUV’s to actively encourage waste, and a silence from the Right as profound as that on the far side of the Moon .

What Senator Obama did not say was that, hey, maybe its because everyone in the Administration came out of the oil industry. That Bush used to be bottom-bunk-buddies with Saudi Prince Bandar at Children of Obscene Privilege Fat Camp every summer.

They are whores, and no penny-ante future’s market scandals for these trollops. No failed land deals.

No these kids invade whole countries and rewrite federal law to make the global looting of cash and black gold even easier for their friends and fellow PNAC board members.

As the whole of the Republican Party stands utterly, shamefully silent.

But Barack did not say those things, because he is a Statesman...and I’m just a bastard.


On Face the Nation:

Housing Bubble with Bob Reich with Cindy Sheehan is the undercard. I ran past but paused enough to confirm this: The is still One Story. Iraq. If you are not grappling with it, you’re a stooge and a Bush Media Fifth Columnist (pun intended.) But you most definitely have no business pretending you are anything other than obedient oxen, pulling in harness, going wherever the White House tells you to go.

On This Week.

Stephanpopoulis. 100,000 troops in for Four More Years.

Or, no...draw down in six months.

Or, no...”last throes”.

Or, no...maybe it’s twelve more years.

Dude...I thought YOU packed the Exit Strategy!?

Chuck Hagel v. Giggly, Dead-Eyed Haircut George Allen.

This is what this Progressive likes to see.

Oops. CBS Jumps The Fox with this commercial for The Early Show (Oh please, let Crooks & Liars have this): “Why are so many beautiful young women accused of having SEX with their students? Tomorrow...inside the Teacher Sex Scandal.”

We’ll at least we know where the fearless "All White Chick All The Time" news hounds have parked the van.

And while I don’t have TiVo, I blinked really fast and at just the right interval and saw, flashing subliminally at triple-latte-hummingbird-heart-speed, this message:

“Please for the Love of God, please stop thinking about Iraq. Stop it! Stop it! Look! Hot teachers having carnal knowledge of their students! And you don’t have to pay $19.99/month to some seedy, online porn site for it either. It’s FreeFreeFree. All you have to do is stop thinking about Iraq."

Kinda backfired with me, though. Now ever time I see a naughty teacher pic (which, let’s face it, is going to be often), I’ll automatically also think, “Man, what a tub of frothy sump juice these clowns are.”

Commercial ends.

Chuck Hagel is pissed. Really, really pissed. In a state of High Pissoff, as they say. I predict that, in his next run for office, Karl Rove will discover during the last week of the campaign that Chuck Hagel has a Black Baby...and that he was Osama Bin Laden’s Office Secret Santa from 2000-2004.

Allen speaks with pure, opium-eater, stoned-off-his-ass delusionality about what Iraqis want and how they’ll behave. How they’re react to this milestone and that initiative...all in the Declarative and Authoritative Voice of the Wizard of Oz. Which, considering that his party has been speaking with that same voice for three years now, and have been Declaratively and Authoritatively wrong in every single fucking particular, is quite entertaining.

Allen also explains that Cindy Sheehan is all “politics”. Nothing but politics.

Fuck yes! We sure as shit wouldn’t want “politics” to leech into the groundwater of the President’s unbroken string of murderous lies and unforgivable, serial clusterfucks.

Hagel calls this strategy “raggedy”

And it’s Illegal Immigration Day with Bill Richardson around the town.

Meet The Press:

Russ Feingold talking about Iraq. Love you, but sorry Russ; you are wrong. You're still speaking about the Noble Ends we hope to achieve...by firing arrows at the clouds.

How, Russ? How exactly are we going to get there? And where exactly are we going?

Good answer to the question about, “Don’t you think we own it to the troops to win?” though.

“I think we owe the troops a good policy. The troops have done their job; we haven’t done ours.”

Feingold: “We have played right into the hands of the people who attacked us on 9/11”

Trent Lott up next. Feh. Sorry Trent. I listened to your soft bigotry while you were in the Big Boy chair.

Although I must agree with this sentiment, that the Administration still needs to make the case for war “Red State Pro-Bush” people in Mississippi.

OK, now I am kinda glad I didn’t Look Away from the King of Dixieland, because then I would have missed this Phrase that Pays for this Sunday: That we are three years and nearly 2,000 dead into this bloody mess and Trent Lott is now boldly coming out strong for explaining why the fuck we are even in Iraq to the Red State Son's of the Soil.

And then turns right around and say’s, “We’ve gotta win this thing. We’ve gotta stay the course.”

And then comes the WMD’s prattle. Not any one piece of evidence sold the war to him, but the “collage” of proof. Good thing I have my spit-up bucket handy.

And, yes, Trent Lott apologized for his Pro-Segregation birthday kiss to 100-year-old-Civil-War-Bride Strom Thurmond, except the only thing Lott is sorry about is that he got caught...

...because less than two minutes later he was busted out on his shameful and cowardly behavior behind a simple, cost-free apology for the fact that his Daddy’s “lodge buddies” wore sheets and murdered Blacks under the color of law.

When fictional reporters cornered the brave former Majority Leader and senior Senator from the People’s Republic of Jesusland – hiding in a woman’s dress, speaking in a sassy falsetto (“Twent, who? I know of no such pewson as this ‘Twent’.”), trying to cut to the head of the lifeboat boarding line on the Andrea Dorea – Lott opined, “What the fuck? Apologize to Negroes for slaughtering them? So that my beloved Southron Empire could stay where Jesus intended it to stay; in the hand’s of Dirty White Boys like me? Shit! Where does it end!?”

At least that's how it transliterated in my head.

Keep talking, Trent. Keep reminding the country that fucknuts like DeLay and Santorum aren’t flukes; you all are the GOP.


Meet The Press II:

Iraq. Constitution. Sunni. Monday deadline. Where does it end?
A rather intriguing if surreal discussion on the Coming Iraqi Democracy from two guys which whom I had been unfamiliar until today.

Larry Diamond and Reuel Marc Gerecht.

Our host, David Gregory, introduced them as follows: “Middle East specialist for the CIA, Reuel Marc Gerecht, and former adviser for the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq, Larry Diamond.”

One line did jump right out me, though. I the face of rather stark evidence that women are about to get screwed back into the 13th Century in Iraq, Reuel Marc Gerecht opined that:

“In 1900, women did not have the right to vote. If Iraqis could develop a democracy that resembled America in the 1900s, I think we'd all be thrilled. I mean, women's social rights are not critical to the evolution of democracy.”

So take that Soccer Mom!

So what else is Reuel Marc Gerecht, other than a man who obviously never, ever wants to get laid ever again.

Why he is, among other things, a Senior Fellow at the Project for a New American Century.

You know, the people that run Bush Foreign Policy like a Predator Drone.

And the other guy -- Larry Diamond – in addition to “advising” the CPA also happened to be Fellow at the Very Right Wing Hoover Institute. The internets reveal that there are currently eight Hoover fellows on the Defense Policy Board that advises Don Rumsfeld.

Funny how David Gregory forgot to mention that.

Krugman on ABC.

Shit. I step away for five minutes to re-align the all the paperclips in my office North-by-Northwest and miss Krugman. Damn you OCD! I miss it all except, “The war is lost. Chuck Hagel who knows war...knows that but doesn’t know how to say it.”

OK, maybe I didn’t need to sit through the whole thing, because that sums it up magnificently.

The Chris Matthew’s Pull My Finger Half Hour is being beamed in from an alternate Universe this week.

One where slab-of-tainted-meat Joe Klein and rapidly-mutating-into-the-The Mighty-Favog (from the doomed SNL Muppet Show) Bob Woodward hold forth on the shamey shaming shamefulness...of Richard Milhous Nixon and William Jefferson Clinton.

WTF?

Talking about the Presidents who lie to the American People and the Women Who Love Them or somesuch.

While the gibbering heads talk – with no small tinge of nostalgia -- of various fellatio-related sins of Bill Clinton, and how the uproar therefrom almost cost him his job, Irony and Iraq sit staring with burning eyes at them like the blood-steeped Ghost of Banquo at the Table.

Bush? Downing Street? Yellow Cake? “Imminent? Anybody? Anybody at all?

Thought not.

Over on Channel 23 they’re showing reruns of Tennessee Tuxedo. It’s the most honest five contiguous minutes I’ve heard all morning.

He and Chumley are apparently plotting to escape from Stanley Livingston’s Zoo.

Damn!

When even cartoon penguins have better exit strategies than the White House, you know you’re fucked.