I recognize DeLay...

But which one is Abramoff again?

When headlines collide on the front page of any paper, you’ve gotta believe in an Almighty Paster-Upper. The Deployer of Words. Kerner of Margin and Girth.

A subtle but divine font of wisdom, attended on all sides by serif-im.

So when one sees that photo next to this story, the question that haunts the whole of Christendom – “What Would Jesus Publish?” – fall gently and easily into the ‘solved’ category.

August 11, 2005
Lobbyist Tied to DeLay Is Indicted for Fraud
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MIAMI (AP) -- Lobbyist Jack Abramoff, a key figure in investigations involving House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, was indicted Thursday by a federal grand jury on fraud charges arising from a 2000 deal to buy casino boats.

The indictment, returned by a grand jury in Fort Lauderdale, charges that Abramoff and an associate, 36-year-old New York businessman Adam Kidan, used a fake wire transfer to defraud two lenders out of some $60 million to finance the deal for SunCruz Casinos.

Abramoff and Kidan are charged with five counts of wire fraud and one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud and mail fraud. Each count carries a penalty of up to 5 years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

Abramoff was negotiating his surrender Thursday with the FBI in Los Angeles, bureau spokeswoman Laura Eimiller said. Kidan's attorney in Florida, Martin Jaffe, said his client would surrender to authorities in Fort Lauderdale on Friday.
...
The indictment against Abramoff charges that he used income from SunCruz to finance political fund-raising activities, including events at private boxes at Washington-area sports venues such as the MCI Center and Oriole Park at Camden Yards.

The two lenders who were allegedly defrauded in the SunCruz deal were Foothill Capital Inc., a subsidiary of Wells Fargo, and Citadel Equity Fund Ltd., based in the Cayman Islands, according to court documents in a civil lawsuit.

Abramoff is also under federal investigation in Washington by a grand jury investigating whether he and a lobbying partner overcharged Indian tribes by millions of dollars for their work.
...

And then screwed them.

What, you thought we forgot y’all?

Disinter the remains of Lee Atwater, net up all the poison reptile flesh shed by Jesse Helms, add the eternally pickled liver of Tailgunner Joe McCarthy.

Mortar in into the pelvic girdle of Richard Nixon, and pestle it with the thigh bone of Spiro Agnew.

Run it the wrong way through Ann Colter’s digestive tract and centrifuge the bile that oozes from her Lie Hole.

The solids that remain are Tommy Boy DeLay, the gaping chest wound on the body of Democracy that the “Don’t worry; the Freepers’ll never run mah Party!”, month-old-dead-dog stupid Republicans have allowed, well, run their fucking party from the shithole that is Sugarland, Texas.

Jack Abramoff is what’s left after the DeLay solids are spooned out.

And we have not forgotten you.

Your’re gonna burn, Jacky-boy.

The blowtorch inches closer to your whole, hull-rotted crime-spree of a political party. Reporters are asking actual questions. Administration co-conspirators (I mean “Pioneers”) who haven’t yet learned what a federal indictment looks like are becoming a distinct minority. And all the available ablative shielding in the Republican inventory has been unbolted and FedExed to the Western White House to be erected around the Traitor Rove and his Sockpuppet-under-Siege, George.

You’re a liability, son. Jetsam Jack! Just another high-riding, hot shit, fuck-em-all, Republican thug. Who thought that Native Americans were just another slab of yummy-yummy smoked constituents, to be devoured, cracked, sucked clean of their marrow and then fucked to death with their own bones.

All while you roaches squealed in delight at the carnage you wrought, belched, and scuttled off in search of you next victim (I mean “client”).

In other words, the typical Life Cycle of Parasites that rule the Party of Life.

Sorry Jetsam! With every knee strained to the buckling-point and every brow sweating like the pig that knows it’s dinner bearing the weight of covering up for actual Turncoats, Benedict Arnolds and High Criminals guilty of hanging offenses, you my darling supercargo, are just another douchbag lawyer who’s about to go over the side.

Shoulda read your mythology, son – at least the Hubris, Tragic Flaws and Divine Retribution For Dummies version. You never get in the boat with Medea while she’s trying to make off with the Golden Fleece, or you’ll end up throat slit, face down and heaved overboard; a spoiling, delaying distraction while Rove desperately tries to tacks away from the spotlight.

And by the way, since the entire leadership of the GOP is now officially evenly split between scabrous whores like Abramoff, NeoCon Treasoneers like Rove, fucknut Christopath-hucksters like Santorum and self-hating, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Pemmican!”-smoking apologists and slut-journalists like Mehlman and Gannon...can you “Moderate” Republicans, just for a minute, at least in the squalid, shallow silence of your own souls, quite pretending that you actually still have a single God Damned Thing to do with running your Party?