Sunday, May 22, 2005

Sunday Mornin’ Coming Down..again

Watching The Sunday Clown Circus is becoming more and more a blunt force trauma to the head. Only access to my fridge, a good bottle of wine and my recent memories of a terrific day at Wrigley gird me against the tide of poo.

Cross and silver garlic press in hand, I settle in and jot down in a most unfair and non-linear way what most heartland Americans who watch politics at all are watching today...

On ABC: George Allen versus “Kapo” Joe Lieberman. Nothing like a Fair-n-Balanced debate between Republican Senator Imbecile and and Republican Senator Palpatine.

Lieberman: “The problem is extremists on both sides...”

“The moderates in both parties...” can re-form a middle and blah blah blah.

Allen: “I was listening to Joe, who I normally agree with most of the time...”

Brooksie on CBS: Arghhhhhh! Same eye-killing pink tie. Same peevish Vogue-ing for the camera. Same pie-faced Apologism.

Paul Gigot filling the Hume Demon Throne on Fox. I wonder if that chair comes with its own anal plug, of if its BYO?

Juan Williams on Fox: “Extremists on both sides...”

Fuck you.

Fuck you all, individually. Fuck you collectively.

Fuck you concatenatedly.

You have compromised away your party and whatever principles you may have had back at the dawn of history, Lieberman. Since when did bending over and grabbing your ankles for thugs and extremists who are screaming for your extinction become “Moderate” and actually standing up to Ultra Right Wing theocrats on honorable grounds become “Extreme?”

Dear Leader has gotten 96% of this judges through. The whole imbroglio boils down to ten judges. Ten.

205 confirmed. Ten held up.

What do you honestly think would happen if you went before the American people (the ones who can count to twenty without taking off the shit-kickers) and proposed this: “As a compromise, between zero and 100 percent...we’ll give you 96%. And viewed against the backdrop of what you yourself did to President Clinton’s nominees -- kill off 25 of them – we’ll only ask for less than half of that. We’ll only ask for ten.”

Sound’s like a good deal to me. Shit, sound’s like a GREAT deal. Sounds like near-total victory on one side and near-total capitulation on the other.

How do the Ultra Conservatives react?

Nuke the Senate. Shoot the wounded. Win at all costs. And anything less than 100% of the Ultra Right Wing agenda 100% of the time is somehow worse that the Crucifixation.

Worth pulling down the temple.

On to BoBo who sez (conflating Afghanistan, Iraq, the eternal War on All Evil Everywhere, America's bold new experiment in Evangelical Empire building and torture in that sassy, intellectually dishonest way he does) we’re in danger of getting paralyzed by the stupid things we do. He pooh-poohs atrocities as par for the course. As silly things that happen in every war. Comparing to WWII, and that was a “Good War”, and bad things happened there too, and we should all STFU about these so-called “atrocities”.

When BoBo decides to be spit Bush’s dick out of his mouth and be anything but a dishonest stooge for the Right, somebody give me a call.

You fucking vonce. When we went to war with Germany, our actions didn't scream that we were REALLY making war on the entire Christian World.

When we went to war with the Axis, we didn’t decide that invading Russia was the Number One Priority, and that Berlin and Rome and Tokyo could be jobbed out to locals before the job was half-done.

When we went to war with Hitler, our leaders didn’t shrug off actually defeating Hiter as irrelevant, and that letting Der Fuhrer prance around the Alps unmolested was OK.

Oh, and your 1,346 day time limit on getting to pretend that Operation Eternal Cliusterfuck in any way remotely ressembles WWII just ran out last Thursday...but thanks for playing our game!

Howard Dean on Russert.

Thank you, God.

Timmuh wanting to know if calling DeLay a criminal or unethical isn’t outrageous. Posting a mug shot of him. Etc. Oh oh oh! Timmuh’s skirts are all in a ruffle.

Dean will NOT back off or apologize about what he said about DeLay.

“Absolutely not.”

Hitting on Schiavo.

Hitting on Private Accounts.

Dean misstates: Confuses Bin Laden with Hussein. Twice. Irritating, but I must admit Punkin’ Head didn’t catch it either and, we’ll, that sorta limns the point he was trying to drive home doesn’t it?

Bless you Howard; after the shit drizzle elsewhere, seeing an honest man tell the honest truth makes me feel clean again.

* * * *

And then came Matthews and his spineless handjobbing kickline. Joe Klein. Andre Mitchell. Cap’n Obvious.

Katty Kay, at least, is fun to look at. I wonder if she’s a screamer in the rack? “Yes! Yes! Oh, god driftglass Yes!” in that toe-curling British accent. Mmmm

Friedman and BoBo both off the leash in a Sunday Morning, and not a Krugman or an Ivens or even a Dowd to be seen on any of the Major Networks. Just the lazy, Bizarro Norm Peterson and Cliffy Claven of the New York Times.

A less charitable type might suspect that the NYT has begun their campaign flog their defective product today before the $50 service fee kicks in. One uncharitably inclined might also say that if one needed any further proof the the MSM is not nothing but a daisy-chain, reach-around party for the massively overpaid Epsilon Minuses of modern hooker journalism, glittered up with Katty Kay eye candy…

And speaking of Friedman, he just hopped in with a crucial, “I’d be really careful about predicting...”

Yeah, hmm. Yeeees. Anything and everything could go either one way or another. Could be one or the other. Might be Tet...might not. Maybe chunky and maybe smooth.

Who’s to say?

Uh, you are you wee owl pellet: if you’re not there to tell me something I don’t know, or show me an angle on the world that I’ve never noticed, that what the hell else are you doing there, other than pimping your book.

C’mon Friedman --- say it...say it...say, “Flat World.” Not just the pimp-line under your picture...

Suddenly my teevee is interrupted by a squawking electronic-handshake. Sound goes dead and the text crawling across the top of the screen announces “REQUIRED WEEKLY TEST: From WMAQ TV...”

A test of exactly what, we are not told, but the mysterious, subjectless sentence and modem squeal is without doubt the most informative part of the show so far.

Friedman pipes back in as the other meaningless noise dies down. He explains ponderously that, a year from now, we will not be in Iraq in the numbers we have now: either it will have worked or it won’t have.

Jesus Haploid Christ. Why don't I just flip a fucking coin?

More of Fatuous Friedman flutter-fingered dull-butter-knife surgery on the Blindingly Obvious: extracting a decisive, “Who Knows?” from the headlines.

Hey, NYT, please, please for Pity’s Sake, raise the $50 drawbridge NOW and keep these unformed, eunuch pundit wankers behind the stiff, stale skirts of your Dead Grey Lady.


Anonymous said...

I like the idea that I can watch drawn, animated comics on Saturday morning, and puppet models on Sunday, don't you?

It's even better if you take the "hair of the dog" cure before turning on the Sunday TV.


Anonymous said...

Bless you Howard; after the shit drizzle elsewhere, seeing an honest man tell the honest truth makes me feel clean again.

It was refreshing, wasn't it, as was your running commentary this morning. You had me laughing out loud through the whole thing. I imagine that you'd go batty if you had to do this every week, but I really enjoyed reading it.

Please write another one on the Sunday talkfest, soon.

I'm looking forward to it!


Anonymous said...

It's pretty damned hard to get past the line "spineless handjobbing kickline."

Watch 'n Wait said...

You think that was bad, buddy, take a look at this:
Congress moves to restrict court rulings on God :

Conservatives balk at accusations that the current Congress and the Bush administration are intent on turning the United States into a theocracy. Yet, a bill sponsored by 28 members of the U.S. House and Senate looks like a move in that direction.

Anonymous said...

Instead of saying: "I would be careful..."

Wouldn't it have been great, if Friedman had simply BEEN careful, before toting the bloody, lying hod, for bushCo, in the war run-up?

Anonymous said...


we don't go to war with the press we wish we had, we go to war with the press we've got.....

Anonymous said...

Rox, just so! But, every time we crank up our outrage, and use it, here, and on Steve and Jen's, and on Kos and Atrios, means that we've got our own "network" going, and it's getting bigger and better-funded, every day.

I had conservative friends, who were as delightedly addicted to the daily Clinton-scourging over the presidential fellatio, as any crack-junkie for his powder, EVER was.

Now, by god, the shoe is on the other foot. And a far bloodier and more expensive foot it is.

Writhe, you bastards, writhe!

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What jedwards said. You rock my friend; hard and mighty.

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