Go ahead. Pull my finger again, dumbass...
OK, time for Pope Jokes.
Too soon?
I don't think so.
I don’t mean cruel jokes mocking the deceased (Unless, of course, they’re really, really funny. Truly Great Jokes create their own context and require no apology.) but, y’know, funny Pope jokes. To induce “laughter”. You remember laughter, don’t you?
I mean I’ve heard on both the teevee AND the wireless that JPII had a helluva sense of humor. A real “Hail Pontiff well met” kinda Primate – and who am I to go up against Infallibility itself? – so I just know that this is what He would have wanted.
I’ve got a couple – the first one I’m pretty positive I minted, and second is a perennial favorite.
* * *
Q: How many Popes does it take to screw in a light bulb.
A: None. The room revolves around the bulb and NOT the other way around... you effing heretic.
* * *
A freshly-minted priest has to cut through the sinnin’ side of Rome. Doesn’t know shit from a chinchilla about anything worldly, so when a hooker calls out to him, "Ten dollars for a quicky, Fadda?" he freaks out a little.
Having no idea what that means (be pretty sure that it was something dirty) he hauls ass a little quicker, only to have another trollop lean out if her doorway and ask cheerfully, “Hey Father. How ‘bout a quicky? Ten bucks!"
Well she’s tarted up even more like Eve before the Fall than the first child of God. So he hied himself on a little faster still, baffled and embarrassed and hoping someone back at the Vatican can explain these strange words when (since this is a joke and the Rule of Three is as ironclad as Papal Law in these cases) he looks up to see a yet a third Fallen Woman lean out of her window and shout, “Yo. Padre. C’mon. Quicky. Ten bucks.”
Which is when he broke in to a run.
At the Vatican, racing blindly along, he practically bowls over the Pontiff and breathlessly asks, "Holy Father, please what's a ‘quicky’!?"
“Well my son,” the Holy Father replies, "it’s ten dollars, same as in town."
* * *
So, anyone else? I just know it’ll make Baby Jesus smile.
26 comments:
Some of the Pope jokes Matt Taibbi did, that got his New York Press editor fired, were pretty good.
OK, you asked for it....
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!"
Everyone gets all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him."
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him,ask him!"
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to ask me, young man?"
Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well, yes." The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.
Dopey asks, "Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?"
The Pope replies,"Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska." The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"
The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question, and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?"
To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes."
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!"
The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more to your question?"
To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"
The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."
At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colors, and the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey fucked a penguin, Dopey fucked a penguin!"
Here's a spin on your second joke:
One afternoon, a priest is hearing confession. He's been in the box awhile, and the line of penitants is long, but nature is calling and he has to take a break.
Rather than make everybody wait to confess, he quietly opens the door to the confessional and sees the janitor mopping up. He calls the janitor over and asks him to sit in while he visits the restroom. The janitor says "Gee, Father, I don't know what sort of penances to give out." The priest tells him to use his best judgement, and that one of the altar boys waiting on line will help him out in a pinch.
So the janitor hears Mrs. O'Leary confess to missing Mass, and gives her one rosary as a penance. Then Mr. Schwartz confess to chasing the secretary at work, and the janitor tells him to attend a Novena as penance. But he's stumped when a young woman tells him that she's indulged in oral sex with her fiance. He leans out of the confessional and whispers to the alter boy "Hey, what does the Father give for a bj?" The kid says, "Usually about 50 cents and a Snickers bar."
Okay, Unc, goddammit, two things. I sent some "excerpts" to MY fellow seditionists, but EXACTLY what do I tell them to type on their keyboard to go directly to your site, without them having to google it?
And you really ought to have an "email me" clickpoint. I know it can be a pain, but it helps us.
This site is a great resource for information on Reiki. Keep the great work up. I have been working on Reiki for a very long time and have lots of information on reiki new york. This is another reason why I could say that your site is resourceful. Reiki Experts is a good source of Reiki Information. Thanks for the information. I am sure lot of Reiki masters and Reiki Healers would refer to your site for updates.
Online debt consolidation information is availiable through many internet sources that specialize in assisting many American households in managing or eliminating their outstanding debt.
financial advice
Debt Resources Services.
Kann jemand irgendwelche zus�tzlichen Aufstellungsorte f�r free credit debt reduction vorschlagen, die sind, heraus zu �berpr�fen?Candidly, Hyo free credit debt reduction
I didn't realize there were so many free money for debt sites. Your's is very nice, mine isn't as well done as yours.Adios, Rubi free money for debt
I agree with the above comment.Great stuff, got to get back to writing my article on keyword debt consolidation service.Great blog website,keyword debt consolidation service.
Personally I agree with the last comment.Great data, now back to working on best free debt consolidation service.Visit me if you want,best free debt consolidation service.
I have been following a site now for almost 2 years and I have found it to be both reliable and profitable. They post daily and their stock trades have been beating
the indexes easily.
Take a look at Wallstreetwinnersonline.com
RickJ
Love the last few comments.Couldn't agree any less, oh well need to finish up my thesis on keyword debt consolidation service.Thank you very much,keyword debt consolidation service.
I looked at several sites during this search but yours was the best I found on this subject. Keep up the good work.
Those are valid points and I have to say I agree.Back to researching consolidation debt most reputable service.Tons of learning,consolidation debt most reputable service.
Hey just to let you know that yes I am promoting this but if you dont want to save at the pump then dont go to the site but I believe no matter who you are gas is just to expensive.
The goverment is using it and many other huge company's. This is not just some fly by night company or product. This is the real deal.
Truly couldn't agree much more.Need to finish my write up on consolidation debt query service.Thanks Amigo,consolidation debt query service.
Your blog I found to be very interesting!
I just came across your blog and wanted to
drop you a note telling you how impressed I was with
the information you have posted here.
I have a alaska job listings
site.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Best regards!
Hi Friend! You have a great blog over here!
Please accept my compliments and wishes for your happiness and success!
If you have a moment, please take a look at my applying for a scholarship site.
Have a great day!
Hi Blogger, I found your blog quite informative.
I just came across your blog and wanted to
drop you a note telling you how impressed I was with it.
I give you my best wishes for your future endeavors.
If you have a moment, please visit my store credit cards site.
Have a great week!
Hi there Blogger, a real useful blog.Keep with the good work.
If you have a moment, please visit my bank of america job listings site.
I send you warm regards and wishes of continued success.
Hey Fellow, you have a top-notch blog here!
If you have a moment, please have a look at my bad credit auto loan financing site.
Good luck!
I am here because of search results for blogs with a related topic to mine.
Please,accept my congratulations for your excellent work!
I have a bad credit home mortgages site.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Best regards!
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a bad credit lender loan mortgage site.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Greetings.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a bad credit lender loan mortgage site.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Greetings.
Bloggers and Others
I found a great site on books on goal setting.If you want to change your life or learn about books on goal setting and find the answers to other self help questions. Visit http://purposesetting.com/sitemap_1.html
This is very interesting site... »
Post a Comment