Insert "Transformer" Joke Here...

What better way to follow a Seka post?

Holy Action Figures! Site's 12-inch dolls spread the word of the Lord
The Hartford CourantPublished April 14, 2005
Jesus, Mary and Moses - they're bendable, they talk and they're coming soon to a website near you.Called Messengers of Faith, the new 12-inch dolls are the product of the Canton-based www.one2believe.com, and each doll comes with a voice chip."My soul glorifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God, my savior," says dark-haired Mary. The Moses figure recites the Ten Commandments. David recites the 23rd chapter of Psalms. The company plans to add Esther and Ruth - and other biblical characters requested by customers, says Joshua Livingston, company spokesman...

The dolls are meant for ministers and parents to use to teach Bible stories, Livingston says. The website's parent company, Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co., also produces Shrek keepsakes and Precious Moments collectibles....

I...I...

Ok. deeeep, cleansing breath. And, exhale. Trying so hard not to get further in trouble with the Big Guy than I already am. Just a few thoughts, as they occur to me...

Jesus Hasbro Christ: I guess now the mystery of the middle initial has now been solved (although I always got a pure geek kick out of “Haploid”.)

Such Val Kilmerish, goyim-friendly, piercing blue eyes and Aryan features on this nice, Jewish boy.? Must come from his Father’s side of the family.

Does he come with Kung Fu stigmata?

Is the Shroud o’ Turin Action Wear extra?

What, was the domain “I-Doll-A-Ter.com” already taken?

What’s with the “Raiders of the Lost Ark” font and color scheme? Does Jeebus come with a whip and revolver and a hat. Because that would be wicked cool, especially when it comes clearing out the Temple.

What happens on the third day after I blow it up with M-80’s?

If I want to reenact the miracles, can I use a Mr. Potato Head as the leper, or are there copy-write issues? (Nose comes off/Nose goes on)

Does he have a rockin’ Jesus Lair? I’ll bet he does! That’s where Lazarus hangs out, which is where that whole thing got started.

Is Mary, y’know, “correct”? And it’s always bothered me, but if Jesus IS God, and God is God, and Jesus was begat of Mary by God...I’m just sayin’ you come perilously close to a whole, uncomfortable “She’s my sister and my daughter” boundary.
“Forget about it Christ. Its Chinatown.”

Poor David: Jesus is obviously starring here, Mary’s the chick, Moses the Desk Seargent who Yells A Lot, but really has a soft spot for JC. But David. Man, in dollspeak, Davids’ “Ken”. David’s the sidekick, and you know what happens to the sidekick. Might as well be wearing a red shirt.

(Unless it’s a buddy picture, but I always saw Jesus as a lone-wolf-who-doesn’t-play-by-the-rules kind of Savior.)

Once they add Esther and Ruth, just try to stop me from playing "Charlies Angels" with the three lady dolls. Go ahead and try!

Does Moses do the entire Ten Commandments...Including the bit about not making any graven or extruded plastic images?

How easy a hack is it to drop in a new vox chip? Because Moses definitely has a “Rob Zombie” thing going. I’m seeing Superbeast (Porno Holocaust Mix) for him...

...for David, definitely Me Without Hats, “Safety Dance.” Although something by “They Might Be Giants” might be less obscure.

... for Mary, “Personal Jesus” (The Johnny Cash cover). Or maybe “Son of a Preacher Man.” I’m conflicted.

...and for the Messiah, “This is the New Shit” by Marilyn Manson. It’s got a very Book of Luke, “They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” vibe to it.

And then shit baby, my Christmas shopping is d-o-n-e!

Like I say, lots of unanswered question, but when did ignorance ever cause a pew-packing recession at a Mega Church?

Ok, gotta go to hell now.

Hope it has WiFi.