Friday, April 29, 2005

Give them an inch...


And they think they’re a ruler.



Some of Our Dear Leader’s comments about NCLB from last-night’s Big Press Leg Humping…interspersed with a few observations;

QUESTION: Mr. President, you've made No Child Left Behind a big part of your education agenda. The nation's largest teachers union has filed suit against it, saying it's woefully inadequately funded. What's your response to that? And do you think that No Child Left Behind is working?


BUSH: Yes, I think it's working. And the reason why I think it's working is because we're measuring. And the measurement is showing progress toward teaching people how to read and write and add and subtract.


…the Iraqi war will cost no more than 1.1 billion dollars. – check.

…It will be a cake-walk – check.

…Iraq has enough oil revenue to cover the costs of any “reconstruction” – check

BUSH: Listen, the whole theory behind No Child Left Behind is this: If we're going to spend federal money, we expect the states to show us whether or not we're achieving, you know, simply objectives, like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write.

(Um…literacy in math is called “numeracy”. But OK, that’s one ‘a them Fancy Dan words that no Preznit should be expected to know.)


BUSH: And, yes, we're making progress. And I can say that with certainty, because we're measuring.
Here here! I could not agree more: Measuring is indeed a fine way to guage progress. If you state with clarity what the measure of success will be in advance, and then fail to prove up, you should be made to answer for it. If you fail miserably…you should have your ass handed to you on the good China.

So let’s continue with tangible, measurable milestones of progress are the were unambiguously articulated before the project was undertaken…

…mobile weapons labs. – check.

…Botuline toxin by the ton – check.

…anthrax by the cubic hectare – check.

... Al Quaeda training camps -- check.

BUSH: But we spend a lot of money here at the federal level, and have increased the money we spend here quite dramatically at the federal level. And we just changed the policy. Instead of just spending money and hoping for the best, we're now spending money and saying, Measure.

…active, aggressive nuculer program, within shouting distance of a “Mushroom Cloud” – check

…the great Niger yellow-cake Uranium Easter Egg hunt – check.

…outing a CIA agent because they made you look like the idiot you are – check.

...direct links with 9/11 -- check.

Bush: And some people don't like to measure. But if you don't measure, how do you know whether or not you've got a problem in a classroom?

…”Flypaper” – check

…Dude, where’s my Exit Plan? – check

…Fuck the armories and the nuculers and the museums: guard the Oil Ministry man. -- check

Bush: I believe it's best to measure early and correct problems early before it's too late.

…the so-called “resistance” it just a few regime dead-enders who will be mopped up in a matter of weeks. -- check

…We Will Be Greeted As Liberators. – check.

…Abu Where? No, we don’t torture. We’re ‘Muricans. We obey the law. – check.

BUSH: That's why, as a part of the No Child Left Behind Act, we had money available for remedial education. In other words, we said, we're going to measure. And when we detect someone who needs extra help, that person will get extra help.

…Cutting benefits for veterans. – check.

…Body Armor? Humvee Armor? Fuck you. Scrounge soldier. – check.

…One weekend a month, my ass. -- check

BUSH: You know, I've heard some states say, well, we don't like it. Well, you know, my attitude about no liking it is this: If you teach a child to read and write, it shouldn't bother you whether you measure. That's all we're asking.

…”I believe the title [of the August 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing] was, Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States” -- check

…Mission Accomplished! -- check.

…and Presidential Medals of Freedom For Everybody. – check.

So, is our Petro-Junta Overlords learning yet?

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

Our preznit is simply an object lesson in a type of psychotic splintering that is increasingly common these days.

RossK said...

But all that measuring....

....that's hard, hard work, especially if you are a wooden ruler.

Right?

Anonymous said...

You guys just don't get it.

He's the Preznit, goddammit! Nobody gets to measure him; it's the peons who have to measure up to his expectations. Like, at least 8 inches (cut).

Anonymous said...

We measure their mathiteracy with standardized questions like this:

Grandpa is a cart wrangler at Wal-mart. He must wrangle at least 30 carts an hour. After 40 minutes, Grandpa has wrangled 10 carts. If Grandpa can wrangle a cart every 2 minutes, how many cans of cat food will he need to shoplift before he gets his pink slip in order to survive while Wal-mart fights his application for unemployment benefits?

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