Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice!
At this particular moment in history, the two most nakedly obvious facts in the political universe are:
- The anger and willful, reality-defying ignorance of the GOP base -- whose factory default setting was already "bone-stick-stone stupid and berserk with rage" -- is completely off the charts, and,
- Nothing would delight the GOP base more than the chance to burn the Republican establishment to the ground and piss on its ashes.
And a considerable fraction of their nuke-'em-all fury is the belief that they were forced by their party establishment and against their better judgement to fall in line behind the a guy named
Mittens Von Plutocrat Mitt Romney who ran a spectacularly shitty campaign and lost the White House to the hated Kenyan Usurper:
So, as if to demonstrate unequivocally to all future generations just how completely the Party of Reagan has been taken over run buy high-handed, out-of-touch Czarists, the Republican establishment hauled none other than
Animatronic Thurston Howell IV Mitt Romney out of cold storage, recharged his batteries and turned him loose to declaim the Club for Growth's Articles of Faith to the great unwashed and order the peons to shut the fuck up and get back in line.
And not since the Republican establishment decided it would be a terrific idea to let a doddering, incoherent Clint Eastwood read excerpts from The Turner Diaries at an empty chair in front of 50 million people has there been a more perfectly hilarious mismatch between a moment, a man and a message.
But that's just the opinion of one of America's millions of dirty hippies that no one on the teevee is going to listen to anyway. This was not a speech that was intended for me. And although one side-effect of
President Business's Mitt Romney's speech will be to give involuntary ruling-class sympathy boners to people like David Brooks, it was not intended for Mitten's fellow entitled oligarchs either. Presumably it was intended to sweet-talk the hoi polloi into once again sacrificing their dreams of greatness for another party-approved corpse.
So on those terms, how did Mittens so.?
Well, I know that the Articles of Faith demand that every sermon begin with an homage to St. Reagan, but setting the tone for a speech about returning to the fold with "A Time Of Choosing" was perfectly nuts. First, because it was Reagan's 1964 speech throwing his support to an outsider-crackpot in defiance of the wishes of the party establishment. And second, this was a speech in which Reagan promises to end Social Security and calls Medicare a dirty, commie plot. But since, based on the contents of my in-box, wingnuts have no idea how to use The Google, Mittens will probably get away with it,
Rest easy, citizens. America is great because we have "technology engines" and "innovation dynamic" and many other buzzwords.
"Warren Buffet said..." Awesome. Nothing says man-of-the-people like one billionaire quoting another billionaire.
Putin. Mullahs. And North Fucking Korea. Are you scared yet?
"Improvident choices" are bad. Really? Wow. Such language. So salty. I mean, since you're talking to working folk, why not let your hair all the way down and lecture them about "prodigal choices"? Or imprudent and unthrifty choices? Or even -- gasp! -- disregardful and inefficacious choices?
Trump would sink us into a recession (subtext: Trump is not President Business. I am President Business) -- says the guy who said he would let the United States auto industry burn rather than bail it out at at time when we were hemorrhaging 400,000 jobs a month.
Trump inherited everything -- says George Romney's pampered and privileged son.
So get out there and vote for Cruz. Or Rubio. Or Kasich. Because I forgot, y'know, to have a plan before I got up to speak.
And the Clintons? Hey, don't get me started. Hillary is a monster, amirite?
Don't you realize that the Jake Tapper/KKK video will play on a million times!
Yes, just like the "Romney sucking up to Trump for an endorsement" video will now play two million times. Honestly, how is it that Mitt "47%" Romney still does not understand how everyday recording and replay technology works?
Finally, Mitt assured the little folk that he understands their anger. Hell, his car elevator is eleven months behind schedule. Fucking dry-wall guys. Anyway, great presidents have never exploit that kind of anger, but harness and redirect it towards high purposes. Like that time Abraham Lincoln calmly talked the Confederacy into giving up slavery and returning to the Union...
And so, in summary, Mitt Romney would like to remind voters in states that have still have not held their primaries of the esteem in which they are held by the Brain Caste of the Republican Party:
Brother Charlie Pierce lays out the game within the game:
But what is very clear is that Willard sees the perfect Romney scenario unfolding before him. If the party declines to nominate He, Trump, then maybe it will hand the nomination to Willard Romney—the nomination that always should have been his. No more scrabbling around with Those People in Iowa or New Hampshire. That is the way it should have been done in 2012. If you have enough money, opportunism becomes birthright. And so, on Thursday, we saw two remarkable political events. Willard Romney laid out in detail why Donald Trump never should be president of the United States and, in doing so, demonstrated why he never will be. If the best you can do for a nominee is He, Trump, and the best you can do for an opposition is Willard Romney, then maybe it's time to re-think this whole Republican party thing.