Monday, January 11, 2016

No Labels Gets The Hero They Deserve

From the start it has been clear to most of us on the Left that "No Labels" was cooked up as a Burkean cosplay fantasy camp where an entire menagerie of Beltway parasites and con men feast upon the credulity and cowardice of wealthy political shut-ins and weak-minded child-men who cannot face the fact that the GOP has gone mad, and a variety of "true Conservatives" who have been run out of the movement by the beast they created.

"How clear?" you ask.

Well five whole days after "No Labels" was bankrolled into existence in 2010, I wrote the following post which reads, in part...
Dead Center

Political Cowardice Now Has Its Own "Movement"!


In case you ever idled away an afternoon screwing around with your old political chemistry set/fantasy football league lineups and wondering what would happen if you took a bunch of Republican primary losers (Charlie Christ)...added in a goonbag of out-of-work and out-of-favor former Republican speechwriters and campaign button-men (David Frum/John Avlon/Mark McKinnon)...the last of the politically arteriosclerotic insider DLC goofs who aren't already drawing paychecks under the Obama Administration's "Former Clinton White House Full Employment Project" (Nancy Jacobson aka. Mrs. Mark Penn)...Republican minor teevee celebrities (Joey Joe Joe Junior Scarborough)...

...and David Fucking Brooks?

And then sprinkled the resulting crime against nature with an assload of money (because there are always, always endless assloads of money available for any horrible idea that reinforces Villager sensibilities)?

What you get crawling out of the Petri dish are things like the autotuned, content-free, sugar-coma-inducing horror that is the "No Labels Anthem"

But nothing we did not expect, right?

I mean, ever since the Republican Base ducked out on paying the tab for a generation of being loudly and catastrophically wrong about everything by putting on funny hats, screaming about liberty and calling themselves "The Tea Party", their sleazy Centrist enablers have been seething with jealously. Quite suddenly the monster they built didn't need them anymore and the skeevy hustlers who had helped create the Racist/Corporatist/Dominionist Confederacy on the bones of the New Deal and the grave of the American Dream found themselves cast out and looking for their next meal ticket.

Preferably a meal ticket under a banner that -- like "Tea Party -- wouldn't keep bringing up their horribly inconvenient past as the sleazy, enabling hustlers.

Hey, kids! I have an idea! Lets peel those the icky, damning labels off of everything and -- presto! -- there is magically no longer any difference between rat poison and apple sauce!

Can I haz my million dollars now?
...and which references a post I had written four years before that which reads, in part:
Progressive Radio arose because politicians like Alan Simpson were, for twenty years, perfectly content with looking the other way and harvesting the electoral fruits of the poison tree that their Conservative/Christopath/Racist Hate Radio, Hate TeeVee, Hate Satellite, Hate Cable and Hate Publishing so lavishly watered and fertilized.

Because the GOP was never concerned with the destruction of political comity…as long as it was working to their advantage.

As long as all of the screeching Orwellian hellfire was coming from the Right, they never said a fucking word.

But now, finally, after twenty years of unilateral disarmament, now that the Left has at last decided to fight back hard, suddenly old Republican loons like Simpson get all gooey for the glory days of cellulose collars, nickel candy bars, whale-bone corsets, heroic cavalry charges and a politics of gentle, ruffled fisticuffs followed by brandy, cigars and top-shelf hookers.

Suddenly it is “zealots on both sides” that have torn his beloved Temple down.

Well fuck you, Alan Simpson. Fuck you sideways for your bogus hand-wringing and crocodile tears...
Well, Progressive Radio may have taken a helluva beating between then and now and Liberal teevee is being dismembered right before our eyes, but a few of us vituperative, foul-mouthed bloggers of the Left remain alive and typing every day.

And so today, +60 "No Labels" posts later, what glorious scene did my eyes behold but this...(from the Washington Post):
Trump accepts No Labels prize, as O’Malley calls him ‘racist,’ ‘fascist’

The bipartisan good government group No Labels thanked six presidential candidates Monday for taking its "Problem Solver Promise," commemorating the event with a New Hampshire event that none of the candidates attended in person. One seemed particularly distant from the Radisson in downtown Manchester: pledge-taker Donald Trump.

"We had no idea when we started out down this road how many candidates would make the Problem Solver Promise," said No Labels's co-chairman and former U.S. senator Joe Lieberman, a longtime Democrat from Connecticut who retired as an independent after losing his party's primary. "Today, six have! I'm glad we got six. We could have gotten zero."

No Labels has adapted to the rise of Trump more smoothly than other political groups. No Labels co-chairman Jon Huntsman, the former Utah governor and ambassador to China, has consistently given Trump a solid chance of winning the nomination of a fractured GOP.
It is surprisingly easy to "adapt" when you stand for absolutely nothing except expediently tacking with whatever wind is blowing out of David Brooks' ass on any given day.


Unknown said...

"Joey Joe Joe Junior Scarborough"

I'm so using that to refer to Morning Joke (now retired) from now on. Such a perfect Simpsons moment. Now you need to figure out how to work Kirk Van Houten's demo tape (Can I Borrow a Feeling) into some posts.

Another characteristic of the No Labels clique and their sympathizers was to spend a big chunk of the Obama era wailing about BOTHSIDES, then proclaiming "if only a politician would do [something that is, almost word for word, something Obama already did, or was ostentatiously blocked from doing by GOP nihilists], the healing could begin!" Tom "Suck on This" Friedman must have written half a dozen such columns during the era of Simpson/Bowles deficit fauxsteria. Ron "Severe Dementia" Fournier wrote perhaps the most hilariously stupid version of this by saying that Obama blew it when he passed Obamacare; what Obama should have passed was Obamacare, except totally BIPARTISAN-LIKE.

And while the Simpson/Bowles fever seems to have passed, the No Labels zealots still think we're days away from a DEBT CRISIS. That's another of Ron "Severe Dementia" Fournier's pet topics (which he knows less than dick about).

bowtiejack said...

Anything Joe Lieberman is associated with should be avoided as you would tainted food and nuclear waste disposal sites.

That said, let's do a little lexicography. There is much sturm und drang these days about who is a "true conservative" and a real Republican and not just a RINO! This question will eventually be settled, of course, when they hand out the swastika armbands to "true conservatives" and Donald Trump acolytes.

In the meantime, it is well to note that these "true conservatives" are in fact "fantasy reactionaries", who want a return to the "greatness" [see Trump, D.] that was Mayberry R.F.D. and Leave It to Beaver. That's the reactionary part. The fantasy part is that these were TV shows about places that never actually existed, but are taken as having been real.

A similar misconception grips the admirers of Cliven Bundy who believe that the Constitution requires "true patriots" to wear cowboy hats, although that article of clothing is not mentioned anywhere in the original document.

Kathleen O'Neill said...

Do they swear to the "Problem Solver Promise" at the Both Sides Purity Ball, during which they exchange David Brooks columns with their sugar daddies?

Neo Tuxedo said...

The question remains: shto dvlat? What is to be done? Declaring war against the media would be like a fish declaring war against water, like a driver attacking his car because of disturbing news of an accident elsewhere.

...I know our host, and Ivory Bill Woodpecker, have a reasonable chance of recognizing what that paragraph references -- DG because he's an SF fan in general, and Bill because Kyon saw Yuki Nagato reading Dan Simmons' Hyperion in the SOS Brigade meeting room shortly before she explained her true nature, and the nature of her interest in Haruhi Suzumiya, to him. I can't speak for anyone else. For those of you who don't, the scene I have in mind comes from The Fall of Hyperion (which did not join the first book in winning a Hugo Award, but did join it in winning a Seiun):

"Councilor," said CEO Meina Gladstone, "please be apprised that as of this moment, depending upon the outcome of the next few days, the government of the Hegemony of Man is considering declaring that a state of war exists between us and the entity known as the TechnoCore. As de facto ambassador from that entity, you are entrusted with relaying this fact."
Albedo smiled. He spread his hands. "M. Executive, the shock of this terrible news must have caused you to make a poor joke. Declaring war against the Core would be like ... like a fish declaring war against water, like a driver attacking his EMV because of disturbing news of an accident elsewhere."
Gladstone did not smile. "I once had a grandfather on Patawpha," she said slowly, her dialect thickening, "who put six slugs from a pulse rifle into the family EMV when it did not start one morning. You are dismissed, Councilor."

swkellogg said...

I'm sure Trump misheard and thought he was taking the "Final Solution" pledge.