Thursday, January 09, 2014

He Knows Nothing

He is also very sorry and deeply shocked to discover that his closest political confidantes and fixers are awful, vindictive assholes who made up a vast, elaborate and dangerous plot to fuck over the Mayor of Fort Lee for no reason whatsoever.

You have now watched the entire, two-hour, Christie presser.

If you need more words, this from Charlie Pierce:
The basic theme of the press conference was that Big Chicken was responsible for one thing and one thing only -- of trusting people who preyed on his well-known innocence and his extensively documented and deeply held faith in his fellow human beings. Hell, he didn't even know the mayor of Fort Lee's name! He searched his soul and that's what he came up with -- he, Chris Christie, was sold down the river and, because he, Chris Christie was sold down the river, the people of New Jersey, embodied by him, were also betrayed. He was humiliated. He was deceived. What a world it is when a man cannot trust the hacks whom he appoints to serve him. Jesus H. Christ in the HOV lane, Nixon threw Haldeman and Ehrlichman out the windows with more compassion and fellow feeling than Christie demonstrated yesterday.

He apologized to the people in Fort Lee for allowing this passel of Judases to do these terrible things to him. How, he asked, could they possibly look at him berate schoolteachers and reporters and act like a general jackass throughout his political career and think he possibly could sit still for such obvious thuggery? He was a maverick. He works with both sides. He took an oath. Why is he the only honest man in this whole mess? It's a heavy burden he carries, a lonely road he walks, but he will do it on behalf of the people of New Jersey for what he's done to them by allowing such terrible, awful, horrible things to be done to him. "This was the job I asked for, and I gotta do it!" What a man is this. Stay under the damn bus, Bridget.


Larry said...

Compared to a sitcom following POW camp internees and their captors, the Big Chicken presser was a riot, minus the much needed backing laugh track.

JerryB said...

So we've been wrong about Christie all along. It was his staffer that was the mean, vindictive assholes who treated those beneath him with contempt and retribution, not Christie. Boy do I feel bad now. Gosh

Kathleen said...

Oh, pshaw! Because of the Christie scandal, poor Chuck Todd and his little friends in the mainslime media are forced to talk about this instead of the latest Obummer "scandal". That's the real "scandal".

Redhand said...

As a New Jerseyan, I am more than appalled by this mess. What was truly remarkable was Christie's doe-eyed protestation of innocence and ignorance about how anyone on hos staff could have thought this was OK.

Hey jackass, it's called setting a management tome and organizational culture. YOU own it, buddy.

Anonymous said...

Perfectly captured, Drift.

I can imagine the next apology he'll be giving 3 days from now--about how he was deceived by the time line of what he knew and when. The damning emails were subpoenaed and turned over to investigators *two weeks ago*, but he only learned about this yesterday at 8:50?
To lie to him so much--these wicked staffers sure must have held the Big Boss in contempt.

Anonymous said...

What gets me is not the corruption or fucking with people, oh well. It's the stupid.

There are hundreds of ways to fuck with pissant mayors of podunk that do not involve enraging NYC. Let a community center burn down, build a parole housing unit or two there, fire some cops, let the mains burst and flood, shit let their kitchens soak their children in sewage. You know, generic corruption that does not hurt NYC.

But he had to fuck with NYC. I can't help but feel if he'd just stuck with run of the mill shitting all over the worthless shmucks and left NYC alone nobody would have given a shit. Also this crossed state lines, boom it's a federal matter.

It's not corruption, that's politics. It's not even the malice of it, that's East Coast Beast Coast politics is knife fights bitches. But how on earth did he think he'd get away with fucking with NYC? NYC > Jersey, fucker should know you punch DOWN. Flay the hell out of Fort Lee fine, fuck with NYC and the media will go for your jugular.

Monster from the Id said...

Once again, a member of the Party Of Personal Responsibility refrains from taking personal responsibility.

In other news:

The Pope remains a member of the Roman Catholic Church.

A pig's butt remains pork.

Ursine mammals still defecate in sylvan environments.


Anonymous said...


No fat joke intended, but the fucker probably started thinking he's too big to fail. A somebody. A contender. His ego overcame his horse sense.

If this removes him from the next White House race it is a good thing for the electorate.

- Nonny Mouse

Anonymous said...


I know you've seen it before, but I'm finding it pretty amazing to watch such a brazen example of the patented "I'm not a criminal, I'm just incompetent"-defense be deployed in real time.

I don't know how badly this will damage Christy, but you know it is pretty bad when his bullshit story is best defense he can come up with.

-- Nonny Mouse

Anonymous said...


Yes but.......

His "base", if you can call it that, is big media and hedge fund managers. You know, the exact sort of people who commute into Manhattan every god damn day. And even though many of them live in Manhattan or fly/train in, they'll still notice when people can't make it to work for days on end.

It's not even that they are so rich, it's that it's the people he hangs out with and talks to all the time. This was pissing in his sugar daddies and worshipers Cherrios.

Anonymous said...

Anon@8:19 --

I don't disagree.

I know people have been floating this whole "being an asshole is a selling point in GOP circles"-canard, but it really only works that way when you're an asshole to only tribal enemies. He risks quite a bit getting caught dicking around his own constituents like this. His ham-handed attempts to cover it up have just worsened things.

-- Nonny Mouse

ChicagoPat said...

I still think the Republican base will love him for this. His shot at the nomination probably just got BETTER, only his chances of cetting elected have gotten worse. The base loves rallying to a victim of the liberal media, after all.

Larry said...

Alternate explanations are now being offered up by questioning minds. This may go deeper than just a pissing contest with the Fort Lee mayor. Could have to do with the fiasco surrounding apointments to the NJ Supreme Court. Long story short: the assemblyman (correct term?)leading the charge against Big Chickens SC replacement nominee(s) lived in guess where? Fort Lee. The dust up in question occurred one day prior to the bridge closing. RaMad may be onto something.

TeddyPartridge said...

On the 12th anniversary week of that region's High Holy Commemoration, Nine-Fucking-Eleven, bitches! Why won't the Lamestream Liberal Media factoid that, eh?