Hey? What’s that Pooh Smell?

Over at the Time Blog, poor JokeLine seems to have gotten his silly ass jammed up but good.

A few days ago, he penned one of his a typically sweeping, fact-free, strawman generalizations about “left wing extremists”. Now he has returned MacArthur-like -- pants damp to the knees in his own bullshit -- to characterize “right wing extremists”.

Partial list here:

--believes that America is always, in every instance, the ultimate force of moral authority in the world.

--believes that Saddam Hussein was linked to 9/11—even if not directly, he was just that sort of guy.

--sees transnational non-governmental groups like Human Rights Watch and Amnesty International as “the next threats” to U.S. sovereignty. Calls them Transies, derisively.

--doesn’t hold a passport, as a matter of principle: there’s nothing over there except depravity.

--believes that capitalism creates perfect justice, and that any attempt to tax or regulate it constitutes “social engineering.” (Doesn't believe in evolution, but does believe in social darwinism.)

--believes global warming is a left-wing myth.

--believes in the Second Amendment to the Constituion, but has some “problems” with the First.

--believes that any form of universal health insurance is socialism, even the tax credit system first proposed by the Heritage Foundation.
…

JokeLine's problem?

Well, while anyone with a functioning cerebral cortex and a passing familiarity with the GOP Powerbroker Rolodex can pull up ten (Twenty? Two dozen? Eleventy Skillion?) wingnuts at the apex of the Republican power structure who fit his description of right wing extremists and who actually, y’know, shape domestic policy, make law, take us to war, etc...no one seems to be able to come up with any kind of list of any Lefty extremists anywhere who have anything like the access and power that any these loud, crazy right wing extremists have.

Which kinda fucks up JokeLine's basic, paying gig, which is to relentlessly wheeze out his ludicrous “Both Side Are Equally Naughty” ditty on his Time Magazine accordion.

He tried to cofferdam against the nuisance of having to answer for his craven twaddle by hiding behind this:

It would be wildly stupid for me to get into a pissing match by naming names. I won't go there...And bear in mind, the characteristics above should be regarded as tendencies, not cast-in-stone beliefs.

...but apparently no one ‘splained to JokeLine exactly how Teh Blogs work, and so he is currently being bathed in a golden shower of prose which mostly boils down to “Listen, asshat. Start backing up these idiotic, self-serving generalizations of yours with some hard facts, or sit the fuck down and quit pretending you are anything but some dope jerking off in print.”

Now while I would never suggest that since he kicked this door wide open himself, the Time site be swarmed with citizens demanding that JokeLine finally put up or shut up, I will say I ambled over there and added my $.02.

And in the interest of staying Adjective Carbon Neutral, let me save a few pixel trees by just reproducing my comments here:

JokeLine has got literally nothing left to sell but his flabby prose and his gassy, obsolete opinions. He is running along as fast as his stubby little legs can manage – desperately hopping up and down in print and on camera, pleading for attention –
in a world that has long since left him behind.

The days when it took courage to stand in the Center are over. Hell, the days where there was a Center are over: Gingrich, Limbaugh, DeLay and Dobson took the Center down into the basement and put two in its head years ago.

Now, after the triangulating 90s, the Left is the new Center and the Right has disappeared completely over the horizon into Crazyville.

But of course JokeLine can’t pay for his rat terrier’s orthodontia slinging that particular truth to Mr. and Mrs. Wingnut. They desperately need to believe in the Great Dirty Hippy Conspiracy so they can continue to vote for their favorite imbeciles and racists and war criminals with a clear conscience.

So JokeLine spins up this lively and entire fictional Alternate Universe where a handful of communist leftovers and crackpots are actually a Vast and Terrible Menace every bit as powerful and intolerant as the armies of Coulters, Hannitys, Dobsons, Falwells, O'Reillys, DeLays, Tancredos, Cheneys, Limbaughs, etc ad infinitum that have taken over the Right.

And in his ridiculous, Centrist Harlequin Romance, JokeLine stands in the breach heroically alone -- shirt open, hair tousling in the wind – protecting sultry Liberty (her bodice ripped and lips bedewed with Broderian passion) from the slavering hordes on Left and the Right.

Seriously if Mr. Anonymous simply had the integrity to clearly label his efforts as the hack fiction that they are (and if the net effect wasn’t that JokeLine gives aid, comfort and journalistic cover fire to fascists and theocrats) his junk might actually be mildly entertaining.