(Check out the hot babe in front of me.
I totally made out with her!)
First, I almost didn’t make it because when Clinton called I was with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!
Second, you should know that me and The Clenis have been, like, warrior blood brothers, since scout camp when I taught him some of my excellent bo staff skills and he gave me his tots.
Sure, when we were younger there were fights…
Clenis: driftglass, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with libidinous liberal lasses all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
driftglass: Since when, Clenis? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
But then I started helping him with his political campaigns and stuff.
At first he lacked confidence. I don’t care what you’ve heard from flippin’ liars like Emmanuel and Stephanopoulis and that bald freak Carville , I pretty much got him elected totally by myself:
I remember when he asked me, “Do you think people will vote for me?”
And I said, “Heck yes! I'd vote for you.”
And he said, “Like what are my skills?”
And I said, “Well, you have a sweet bike. And you're really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you're like the only guy at school who has a mustache.”
So I came to his meetup. There were a lot of lame fakers there too. Idiots! But mostly Clenis asked me a lot of stuff about my bowhunting skills and blogging skills and Karl Rove's huge talons.
Then we pretty much hung out together after that for about a week and practiced our nunchuck moves (Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.)
Gosh, he even told me the sweet line he uses for hooking up with the monicas!
(“I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.”)
And afterwards I said, ”So, we're pretty much friends by now, right?”
And he said, “Yes.”
And I said, “So, you got my back and everything, right?”
And he said, “What?”