Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

“Through an ass darkly…”

Wherein the GOP demonstrate their “Pre-1776” mindset.

Two quick-and-dirty highlights right up front that had me worried about my mental health.

Consider…

On Fox….in his ongoing fit of “Everybody Does It!”, Dirty-Jack was-a-bipartisan-pimp compulsive onanism, Chris Wallace frantically Abramoff’s himself all over his guest’s clean, Progressive suit, followed by an interview a coupla “Young Guns of the GOP”.

(Last week it was three Republican “reformers” that had squeegeed enough Dirty Jack Wank off their faces for us to see their lyin’ eyes and, forming a Papa, Mama and Baby Bear GOP Denial Kickline, managed to force their mouths to say the words “GOP Reformers” without that chemical cocktail that supersized The Joker’s pie-hole in “Batman”.

The contest, last week and this, is now how far and how fast can you distance yourself from Abramoff, and how many times can you repeat a variation of the phrase “bipartisan scandal”.

Abramoff? Never met the man.

Jack Abramoff? Never heard of him.

Lifelong-GOP-powerbroke-and-my-son’s-godfather, Jack Abramoff??? Why, he doesn’t even really exist. He’s just a Neocon Kaiser Soze we dreamed up; a myth to scare little Republicans.

As twas prophesied, they shall deny him three times before the cock crows. And Andy Sullivan wasn’t even on the Matthews’ Show this week.)

And then, on NBC – this week as last -- Chris Matthews doodles “George + Chris 4ever!!!” all over his Sunday Morning spiral-notebook, and openly pines and sighs for his Strong Man President to Rhett Butler him up the stairs, into the Lincoln Bedroom, for some rough, fascist sex that will finally make a real woman out of him.

Which is the point at which I raised my hands over my head, smiled, and recited my name out-loud to make sure that I hadn’t had a stroke, because weren’t these exactly the same fine examples of the GOP Predator Drone Media that they were flying last week?

Regurgitating the identical Neocon topic heading, in very much the same order?

On “This Week…”

Barack Obama making the rounds.

Gotta do better, Senator. I lova ya to death, but I agree with Atrios, seconding TPM that:

Let me second what Josh says here and add something. I get very tired of Democrats using their very limited TV time to say things like "we need to do better" or "we need to do a better job explaining our views to the America." Just do it! Start explaining! Do better!

Senator Chuck Hagel is the Obligatory Dismayed Republican this week who – along with Lindsay Graham and John McCain – take turns strapping themselves into their Brooks Brothers sackcloth and ashes and bemoaning the awful awfulness that the leaders of his own Party keeps perpetrating and perpetuating.

But never…quite…gets around to actually DOING anything about.

Chuck goes positively medieval on Karl Rove’s chubby rump, saying (all citations herein are driftglass approximations, not to be take as an actual quotes) , “I didn’t like what Mr. Rove did…

And, “National Security is bigger that political parties…"

And, “It is wrong to frame national security issues as political issues…”

Poor Chuck sez he doesn’t understand why the President won’t come to the Congress to help him make or tweak the tools he needs to fight terrorism. After all, “We are co-equal branches of government”!

He can’t just unilaterally decide he’s going to violate that 1978 law. He can’t just decide he gets to whatever he wants to do, and ignore the Constitution.

Uh, apparently he can, Chuck, because your Party chooses to give him a pass on such things. See the fault, dear Chuck, is not in your stars, but in your own damned self. Jesus’ Special Dauphin thinks he’s Charlemagne because you let him get away with his mad shit, and ain’t nobody “co-equal” to an Emperor.


Everyone on “This Week” is just shocked that when people between the River Jordan and the Ukraine are given a choice, they choose to shift hard-hard into Radicalville, and tell us more and more violently to step the fuck off of their territory.

Dismayed that every single thing the Bush Administration has done has made everything much, much worse.

E.J. Dionne -- bracketed by puckered fusspot George Will on one side and leering, shambling DLC Sockpuppet Joe Klein on the other -- explained gently that “we have been on a holiday from complexity in this country.”

(Full Disclosure Moment: OK, I’m 80% pretty sure that’s what Dionne said. I only half-finished making notes on the funny men at the Mouse Circus before I had to run out for what turned out to be a very long day, so when I got back to the castle, all I had written was “we have been on…” and had to backfill from memory.

So he could have said, “we have been on…our guard against the largely imaginary dangers of feet-eating geckos for too long and ignoring the real threat from gypsy cotton-candy vendors, who refuse to speak English and I’m pretty sure are mocking me in their fancy gypsy lingo. Also their cotton-candy smells like the glue George Will uses to keep his rug on straight.”

But he probably didn’t.

End Full Disclosure Moment.)

Which is nerdspeak deployed by a geek that doesn’t wanna get beaten to jelly with a tire iron in the Green Room -- but still wants to poke his tormenter in the eye -- to say, “See, George, this is what happens when you let stupid people run the fucking country.”

And when in comes to the U.S. unsheathing the saber in Iran, George Will put a grim, angry smile on my face.

Will unpacks his wee soapbox, clambers atop it, and says, sure, we can bomb the crap out of Iran and knock it back ten years or so.

But, Will asks, “Then what?”

“That’s the question. That’s the question we didn’t ask bef…”

And in that perfect little jewel of a moment you could positively smell Karl Rove tickling the joystick that controls the high-voltage, barbed wire cock-ring that the GOP keeps wrapped around the withered sac of its pet journalists.

George unwrapped his lips from around the words he was just about to say like a man stung in the gums by a wasp the size of an Escalade. He then quickly shifted gears and began nattering on about Admiral Yamamoto telling the Japanese high command that, sure, he could attack the U.S. fleet and run wild in the Pacific for a “year and a day.”

…but “Then What?”

Of course the statement Will was verging on making before Karl the Klown jolted him back to goodthinkfulness was this:

“That’s the question. That’s the question we didn’t ask…before we invaded Iraq.”

But of course, that’s kind of a sore subject; one that the Stalinist Right has striven mightily to stomp down the ol’ Memory Hole and piss away into the mists of forgotten myth and lore.

Because, of course, people did ask that question before Dubya rolled our children into Iraq to be slaughtered behind his PNAC fantasies and petroleum dream, didn’t they George?

Millions and millions and millions of people asked that very question.

Very Loudly.

They were called Democrats, George.

And your Party called them unAmerican, remember George?

And even the Democrats who supported the invasion of Iraq –- and there were many of them -- made it very clear that they were not giving your President a blank check.

The Dem’s made it abundantly clear that there needed to be concrete, convincing evidence of an imminent threat. Evidence of WMDs delivered by inspectors on the ground. Evidence of some linkage to 9/11.

They demanded that enough troops be used to get the job done. And they insisted on a clear exit strategy.

And your President mumbled, “Yeah…Ok…whatever”, blew off every warning and caution, grabbed the keys to the car and drove it right off the fucking cliff, didn't he George?

And the Democrats who had made the epic mistake of trusting a dim little creep like George Bush to behave responsibly with the national Credit Card?

Your Party called them weak and cowardly, remember George?

Funny how you seem the effortlessly remember, oh, say, every stray stat surrounding Cal Koonce’s ERA, but can’t seem to remember these rather vitally important, life-and-death facts about your Party and President, isn’t is George?

Joe Klein thinks its “absolutely shameful” that the President keeps using national security for political gain.

Gee, Joe. Really? Wow? Who'da thunk it?


On The Chris Matthews' Show...Also a thematic rerun of last week’s twaddle.

Every single fucking question framed as “Just look what at what a muslim-whippin’ badass Bush is! How vewwy vewwy manly. Look how snugly his balls fit in my mouth.

And Holy Crap what a bunch of whiners and quibblers the Democrats are! With all their whinging and wheezing about this mysterious Constitution and 'civil liberties'.

Jeez! What a buncha brittle old women the Dems are talkin’ about the fact that the foundation stones of American Democracy are being sledgehammered to sand by that tough, musky, Hombre-In-Chief, a man who’s taint sure tastes like peppermint ice cream to me!"

What was missing was anyone uttering a discouraging word.

Last week the Bush-luvin’ pee party was at least momentarily broken up by…

Cynthia Tucker throwing a hard elbow right in the throat of the cocka-suckas on her right and left. She actually said the words, “Southern Strategy.” Spoke of the Original Republican Sin of choosing to deliberately and shamefully pander to racists. Of always swinging through the Segregationist Academy of Bob Jones University when out making the presidential campaign rounds.

Which was followed by…silence. In memory, what seems now like a million years of crickets, broken only when Andrew Sullivan announced that he thinks the President is genuine. In his heart. It is wrong and irresponsible to ascribe racists motives to Blah Blah Blah.

Cynthia Tucker didn’t say Dubya’s a racist. She didn’t say Dubya hates black people. No, Dubya hates poor people: he just sucks a lot of racist dick, uh, recreationally.

But alas, that was last week.

This time around Chris made sure no one was on the panel who would challenge him when he leaped up on the table, ripped his shirt off to reveal his Bush/Cheney ’04 pec tat and commemorative GOP nipple clamps, and screamed:

“Sure Dubya might be a liar and a dimwit, torturer and thief. But for God’s sake people: just look at the ass on that man and tell me you could say “No” to that!”