Snapshot from November, 2007

Bush's annual, "Let's Wait Some More" speech.

Oh Great, it's fucking leftovers.

Again.


OK, I tried. I really tried.

I listened.

I listen to the slurry remarks, the mushy “s”’s, the broken English. The rolling out of the same, shitheaded delusionality.

The horny-3:00-a.m.-drunk-at-closing-time wet kiss on arch-fucknut and gen-ewe-ine war criminal Rummy’s dank lips.

The obviously-Rovesmithed phrases meant to be Reaganequely slipped into the deck, but that instead stood out in this tepid river of faintly Jim-Beam-smelling remarketed slush like orange owl pellets in a bowl of oatmeal.

And then I noticed that there was blood gouting out of my ears and had to stop.

So I read the transcript – or most of the transcript – until I felt blood welling of my tear ducts.

And I sat there stunned for the 100th time to realize that out there, in the Bid Stupid Dark, there are millions and million of homunculi who have been so criminally short-rationed in the IQ lottery, and have so massively overcompensated for their cognitive deficit by pigged out on pinhead theology or bone-stupid bigotry, that they lay there in the stink of their own filthy dogma watching the same Little Bus Puppet Show as I do and squeal, “Fuck Yeah Dubya! Kill ALL a’ Them Motherfuckers.”

And that it’s 6-to-5 and pick ‘em whether or not the GOP bung-dweller means ay-rabs, Negroes, lib’rated chicks, Liberals or fags on any give day.

So I cheated and fed the whole mess through my DeAmbigulator (pat. pend.)

And it sounded something like this…

DUBYA: “My fellow Americans, I will now introduce every biped in the greater Annapolis area…

Aaron Abbot.
Abbie Abbot.
Anita Acacia.
…

(Tape runs for 108 minutes)

And Democratic Senator Joe Lieberman who is, even now, keeping my pyloric area well-lubed with his supple, anteaterlike tongue should I need to suddenly extrude any new Iraqi policy.

How’s it going back there, Jewboy?”

JOE: “I yee-get yat I habe own-yee uun tongue ooo ive orr ny country!”

DUBYA: “Whatyda think, ladies and gentlemen? Nixon had his Kissinger, and I got me my own, pet Asskissinger. Your doin’ a heckuva a job, Leebie.”

JOE: “Hank Ooo!”

DUBYA: “And speaking of Heck-of-a-Jobbers…give it up for the architect of Operation Endless Clusterfuck, Big…Don…Ruuuuusmfeld!!”

/waits for applause/

“Lets keep this short. I got shit to do.

As I look out on all of this fresh, young cannon fodder I am reminded of the toy soldiers I used to blow up as a child. Well, OK, as a 32-year-old, but you get the idea.

If you will each look to you left, then right, then in front of you, and then behind, you will not fail to notice the complete absence of any member of the Bush family, any spawn of the Leading Lights of my Administration or any Republican of note. No leading College Republicans. None of the 101st Fightin’ Keyboardeers.

And it is gratifying to know that no matter how much I lie, no matter how badly I fuck you kids over, how ludicrous my excuses have become, how little regard I obviously have for your petty, peon lives, how much more dangerous I have made the world for your loved ones, and how much harder I have made your jobs, how much international respect your father's sacrifices bought us that I have pissed away like a borrowed Amex card on spring break that, I am delighted to be your Commnder-in-Chief…

..because while as your C-in-C I am free to cower behind, mooch off of and hijack the esteem the military has paid for in blood over the last two hundred years…you are still the only people left on the face of the Earth that I can order to respect me.

So Boo-Ya!

Anyway, ahem…

9/11.
9/11.

Saddam Bin Laden.

The terr’ists started the War in Iraq.

We’re not changing one fucking thing.

9/11.

Democratic Senator Joe 9/11 Lieberman Democratic 9/11 Senator Joe Lieberman Democratic Senator Joe Lieberman 9/11.

It is now over 2,000 dead servicemen and two-and-a-half years after I declared “Mission Accomplished”. And I still have the fucking nerve to whine that anyone who wants to know what the plan is and when the kids will be let out of the meatgrinder I trapped them is a cut-n-runner who’s giving aid and comfort to terrorists.

Sometimes the depths to which I will sink even nauseate me, but hey, that’s why god sent me an angel named Johnny Walker.

So God bless America. God bless 9/11.

And God bless Democratic-Senator-but-Republican-Talking-Point-Factory, “Kapo” Joe Liberman!

Right Joe?"



JOE: “Odd Less Ooo Doo, Nister Resident!”