Mitt Romney, Political Hoarder

Today we find Mitt Romney, the heroic Leader of the Republican Resistance, once again outing himself as nothing more than the once and future king of Both Siderism.

If there is one strand of political DNA that binds virtually all Never Trumpers together, it is their reflexive Both Siderism.  Their almost pathological refusal to acknowledge what their party has become right under their noses without automatically absolving themselves of any involvement in its devolution while simultaneously accusing Democrats of somehow being equally to blame.

Which is why, if you want to understand the mindset of behind Mitt Romney's Poltroon Manifesto, put down your college Poli Sci textbook and fire up a couple of episodes of Hoarders.

Because that is what Never Trumpers like Romney are.  Political hoarders living inside the sarcophagus of their dead ideology.  From some asshole blogger a long, long time ago:

This darkness comes with a promise and a catch: the promise is, that the Right will never, ever be called to account for the endless lies they have told and endless betrayals they have committed; the catch is that they can never leave, and no matter how repellent their neighbors become and no matter how humiliating and horrifying the lies become, they are obliged to shut up and go along with the program. With this promise comes the terrible, goosestepping power of a mob under harness, but with it also comes a grotesque fragility because to keep the darkness alive the Right has become a confederacy of Mrs. Havishams, rotting away in the gloom.

And to make matters much, much worse, their decaying mansion sits on top of such a massive, leaky stockpile of lie upon lie, betrayal upon betrayal, hypocrisy upon hypocrisy and treason upon treason that the danger of one, stray non-Fox Approved fact accidentally glancing off another non-Fox and sparking off a conflagration is omnipresent.

The entire Conservative enterprise is built on delusion and old dynamite, which is why every clock much forever remain stopped at one minute after Reagan's inauguration, every fact must be smothered under the stasis field of Rush Limbaugh roaring, rage-drunk bluster...

And there, in the center of the gloom, sit Never Trumpers like Mitt Romney, weeping because how can they possibly give up the piles and piles of moldering "Party of Personal Responsibility" propaganda heaped in the corners like sepia snowdrifts, and about which they still want to feel so very proud?  

How can you ask them to chuck their collection of the rat-chewed issues of The National Review (1967-1988) which seems to have evolved into a load-bearing structure over the years?

Or the hundreds of empty tissue boxes, poorly preserved from the glory days of Robert Bork --  half marked "J" when their contents were used to mop up after the circle-jerk celebrating his nomination and half marked "T" for the rivers of tears that had to be dried after the Democrats committed the Greatest Crime In American History?

Or the 1,000 autographed copies of 1961's wingnut chart-topper, "Ronald Reagan Speaks Out Against Socialized Medicine" which might be old and cracked and unplayable, but still!   

And what about that entire room packed floor to ceiling with "Fiscal Responsibility" detritus, including Paul Ryan's budgets and, judging by the smell, the mortal remains of Erskine Bowles and Alan Simpson will be found somewhere under the heap.

And on and on and on.  Decomposing mountain ranges of Conservatism's bold lies and broken promises stretching as far as the eye can see.  How can any True Conservative just leave all that behind?

Well, unlike the hoarders on Hoarders, no matter how gently they are asked or how dire the warnings about their health and sanity may be, Never Trumpers are incapable of letting the cleaning crews roll dumpsters up to the door and haul out the 99% of their beloved political possessions which are, in fact,  nothing but toxic trash that's stinking up the whole neighborhood.

Instead Never Trumpers like Romney guard their political midden pile as if it were the crown jewels, preferring instead to stand on their lawn and bitch about how the Democrats' house across the street -- a tidy little bungalow that definitely needs a paint job and some tuckpointing -- is just as bad as his own shit-wattled hovel!

Maybe worse!

Next up: Hero of the Resistance Tom Nichols makes exactly the Both Siderist argument, only stupider.  

But for now...

No Half Measures