He's Consulted All The Sages He Could Find In Yellow Pages

But there aren't many of them...

From ABC News:

Ben Carson's Unusual Theory About Egyptian Pyramids

Republican front-runner Ben Carson reinforced his longstanding belief that Egyptian pyramids were built by the biblical figure Joseph to store grain. Archaeologists have long asserted that these tombs were constructed for pharaohs.

"It’s still my belief, yes," the retired neurosurgeon told reporters Wednesday at a book tour stop in Naples, Fla. "Well, the pyramids were made in a way that they had hermetically sealed compartments. You would need that if you were trying to preserve grain for a long period of time."

Carson first articulated his theory at a 1998 commencement speech at Andrews University, a school founded by Seventh-day Adventists.

In the commencement video, Carson laid out his theory that the pyramids were constructed for grain storage.

“My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain,” Carson said in the video. "Now all the archaeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big if you stop and think about it. And I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time to store that much grain."

He continued: “And when you look at the way that the pyramids are made, with many chambers that are hermetically sealed, they’d have to be that way for various reasons. And various scientists have said ‘Well you know there were alien beings that came down and they have special knowledge' and that’s how —- you know, it doesn’t require an alien being when God is with you.”

...

"Scientists" also theorize the Washington Monument was built as a scale model of George Washington's actual penis, which was approximately 55 feet long, made of marble, granite, and bluestone gneiss and in the shape of an obelisk.

Many "historians" now believe that Washington's epic junk was instrumental in winning the Battle of Yorktown, was appointed as America's first official ambassador to Russia and made Martha Washington very, very happy.

Of course, Dr. Carson has to believe that God miracled the pyramids into existence, doesn't he? Because the alternative would be to acknowledge that some government somewhere built one of the Seven Wonders of the World.  Something awesome which has lasted 6,000 years and which people still marvel at today.

Yes, the Department of Education is certainly going to have some wild times under President Carson. At least during those first few months before he shuts is down completely and declares Wingnut Sharia Law throughout the land.

I've also been told.
Someone in the know
Can be sure that his luck is as
Good as gold.
Money in the bank and you don't even pay for it
If you fold
A dollar bill in the shape
Of the pyramid that's printed on the back...