Friday, August 10, 2012

The Gingrich Rules




Remain in effect.

Regular readers will already be familiar with the Gingrich Rules:

In the game of professional punditry there also clearly exists a special set of rules designed with one person on mind.  Or, rather, one sort of person: Conservatism's parade of bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting bottom feeders.  That breed which makes their daily bread from grifting the Pig People by generating an endless flood of books, magazine articles, broadcasts, speeches and videos all telling the GOP base over and over again that their bigotries are noble and their paranoia is patriotic. 
Of course, part of the downside of wallowing in the wingnut sewer and trafficking in slander and lies is that, sooner or later, you become a toxic mess.  Your stink becomes unacceptable to the general public, which s where the Sunday morning talk shows -- the Mouse Circus -- comes in.   Because despite having long ago devolved into a sinkhole of Beltway centrist twaddle, it is still viewed by altogether too many people as a bastion of Very Serious people -- it's the strip-mall of political opinion where casual shoppers go to feel smart and validated.

And so a bargain is struck; the bottom feeders deliver a temporary hike in the only thing these show's owners really care about -- audience share -- and, in exchange for being teevee friendly and keeping the worst of their batshit crazy on a leash for a few minutes, their Mouse Circus deburrs the bottom feeders' public image, replates and burnishes their credibility and temporarily transfuses them with Seriousness, which can then be redeemed at ten times its face value back among the Pig People.

And in the key to that bargain we find "The Gingrich Rules":

 

an agreement that the moderator will never, ever ask the bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting goon sitting directly across from them a single question about their bomb-throwing, hate-mongering or race-baiting activities.  Instead they will be represented to the public merely as a Conservative commentator or talk radio host or pundit who, at worst, might be known for some "controversial" opinions, which the moderator will never bother to explicate. 

This week, in fulfillment of prophecy, the Gingrich Rules eponymous namesake (aka.  Definer Of Civilization's Rules And Leader (Perhaps) Of The Civilizing Forces) will return to the bright lights of the Mouse Circus to have his Beltway Media all-access pass re-certified courtesy of Bob Schieffer and "Face the Nation".

Mr. Gingrich will be followed by a "panel" which, pound for pound, bids fair to be the worst lapdog media trainwreck since Dick Cheney went spelunking up the late Tim Russert's ass.  It will feature not one but two former Bush speechwriters who remain inexplicably at large and well paid (Michael Gerson  and David Frum), Ruth Marcus (who has never met a pile of Conservative manure into which she would not fling herself in search of a bipartisan pony) the desiccated remains of Bob Schrum and the obligatory "Politico" stooge which, as always, you will find listed as "filler" on the side of the box.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Romney's campaign puts up Gingrich, Trump, Christie... to distract from the fact that Mitt is the worst choice the GOP has ever made in a candidate. The Presidential Debates are gonna be a hoot.

blackdaug said...

You wouldn't know it these days,but there was a time when Grandpa Bob actually snapped off the heads of a few bullshit artists and beltway grifters in a fairly efficient way. Sadly now he gets snowballed and rolled over every Sunday like a bad NFL team. Unfortunately, NFG is just the particular brand of slime that can take full advantage of both Bob's declining memory and sloth like reflexes. Let us count the number of unopposed half truths and out-right lies Newt will manage to throw out in his 5 minutes...as Bob's producer vainly attempts to scream rebuttals and or facts into his hearing aid.
One will notice Newtrich never appears on round tables with say....Paul Krugman..or even Christine Vanden Nation..or any black or Latino panelists. Only the most comfy of circles for Satan's own crap-filled Pillsbury dough boy. One of the few people who, as soon as I see his face appear on screen, instantaneously brings forth mental images of a slow motion fist colliding with it...
Judging from the last time I saw him though,(even more bloated and pasty than usual) it is just possible that a 90% occluded, 4 artery choke down may well relieve us all of his insufferable presence in the near future..but who knows, he may be just too evil to die, Dick Cheney still shuffles the earth..

Blue Shark said...

Dude ... and Blue Gal,

We have to get you wider distribution.

...Period.

Anonymous said...

You reprint your own stuff too often, man. This blog is swallowing its own tail. Most of the posts are composed of former posts.

Anonymous said...

Here is something you might considering using when bringing this subject again.

The Killing Of America (1982) Uncut

http://youtu.be/MameAk4FVo8

Professional Left Podcast #602

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” -- Zen saying Don't forge...