Wednesday, November 09, 2011

GOP Top Tier Candidates All Agree

On six important things:
  1. History began on January 20, 2008 2009* and before that nothing whatsoever existed. Except Ronald Reagan, who floated alone in the cosmos for an undetermined time until he created America out of his short rib and three jelly beans.

  2. Gummint is exclusively responsible for half of all problems in the history of the Universe.

  3. Dirty Marxist hippies -- past , future and those presently loafing away their lives in "college", in the streets with OWS and in the White House -- are responsible for the other half of all problems in the history of the Universe.

  4. President can and should rule by decree.

  5. Rick Perry is a funny drunk.

  6. Bring us Barabbas!

Perry is done. Toaster strudel. Being too much in the bag to remember how to count to three (no kidding)  (video has been removed for reasons) was apparently too much for even the meatsticks in the audience who applauded every bleeding "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" gobbet they were thrown by the red-meat Pez dispensers on stage.

For intelligent citizens, this story long ago stopped being about the freaks and cult-hustlers who have risen to the top of one of America's two major political parties; the story is about the truly stunning depravity and pig-iron-ignorance of the millions of Pig People who put them there.

What you are witnessing is the apotheosis of the Southern Strategy crossing streams with Reaganomics. If you helped author this catastrophe, you should spend your days thanking God you haven't been put up against the fucking wall by now.

And if anyone has a right to be pissed at the sight of Perry finally disappearing up his own ass in a puff of Jack Daniels, it would be Michele Bachmann. Because as deeply nuts as that gorgon is, she actually won something -- the Iowa straw poll -- after which she went Full Ginsburg across the Sunday Morning Mouse Circus. And then, less than 48 hours later she was unpersoned out of orbit, not because anything at all had actually changed, but because -- only because -- a few dozen rich, corporate-owned Villager Beltway douchebags decided that the rich, corporate-owned white Christian conservative guy from Texas was better for their fucking ratings.

But other than Perry going tits-up, tonight changed nothing.

Not one iota.

*(Thanks, snabby.)

**(To serve you better, the other 16 typos I strategically embedded throughout this post to honor Rick Perry's mighty Foster Brooks impersonation have also been removed :-)

UDATE:  The video has also been removed.


gruaud said...

I notice that the Lincoln Memorial weeps real tears at night these days.

snabby said...

Goddamn that's some good writing right there. Perry disappearing up his own ass: priceless.

A typo, though: Pukes think history began in January 2009.

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good morning, Mr. Glass.

I'd call Mr. Romney "the Highlander", but I don't ever remember Christopher Lambert standing around while his enemies chopped THEIR OWN HEADS off.

Brad said...

I'd say there's a bunch of typos. You might want to proof read this one Driftglass! Never drink and blog. :)

blader said...

Yes, this was so so bad.

But I can't get my mind off of Romney's performance last night, either. There was something so disturbing about it until it finally struck: Does Perry's vapidness exceed Romney's terminal ingratiation complex?

I honestly don't think so.

As bad as Perry performed, and it was very very bad, I couldn't help but watch the grinning Romney as if he were some chuckling frat boy cheering on a gang rape at the Wednesday night "Hump Day!" kegger.

Holy fuck! What a slate of bat shit insane losers.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Newticles managed to cram "Ronald Reagan, Alinskyite tactics, and class warfare" into one 30 second spree.

Due to the drinking game, that almost knocked me out of the debate in the first few minutes.

Anonymous said...

About Cain's retort to the harassment allegations:

If I got that right, his defense was that for every one person saying, "Herman Cain tried to grope my hoo-nanny!", there are *thousands* of people (not "women", but "people") saying, "Herman Cain did NOT try to grope my hoo-nanny!" Therefore, statistically, he's innocent?