Sunday, January 17, 2010

Take Three Parts


hippie ET arboreal ecotopia being looted by the rapacious, militaristic colonialism of a starving Earth from "The Word for World is Forest" by Ursula K. Le Guin (1972):
Several centuries in the future, humans from Earth have established a logging colony and military base named "New Tahiti" on Athshe, a tree-covered planet whose small, green-furred, big-eyed inhabitants have formed a culture centered on lucid dreaming. Terran greed spirals around native innocence and wisdom, turning the ancient society upside down.
Blend in two parts human beings pantropically (c'mon, you know you love it when I spark up an exotic word fattie and pass it 'round) altered to adapt to an alien environment, only to discover that they love it so much they wanna have its babies, from a story called "Desertion" by Clifford Simak (1944)
In this story, human colonists living in a domed city on the planet Jupiter are put thru a biological converter that converts their bodies into the form of the indigenous Jovian lifeform called the "Lopers". The head director of the domed colony, Kent Fowler, wondering why none of those biologically converted ever come back...
Now add a zillion dollars in special effects, subtract 90 IQ points, and you apparently have "Avatar".

At least this is exactly what occurred to me the minute I saw the movie trailers months ago, which is why I have been in no hurry to blow the price of a decent bottle of scotch on going to see it, and why (other than the fact that "The Book of Eli" sure looks to these tired eyes a whole lot like a radically dumbed-down version of "The Parable of the Sower" by Octavia Butler [1993], with the protagonist's gender and theology swapped 180 degrees) nothing I gleaned from Susie Bright's delicious multi-movie review:
...
I can't remember how long it's been since I was THIS offended by a movie. I wasn't laughing this time! I was yelling at the screen and threatening to leave, only kept in my seat by plotting the scathing review I would write later.

Here's Cameron's plot, which he says he's been dreaming of since childhood:

A seriously patriarchal, "woo-woo" society— who display uncommon physical talents while having a ridiculously child-like view of the world— live in a beautiful forest.

Ugh!

The women are in charge of "being really spiritual." Even though they ride and fight as well as men, they look up to the Big Guys when they get "upset." Daddy knows best!

The reviews that call this place a "lost paradise" have GOT TO BE KIDDING me. At any moment I thought the Blue Girl was going to burst out into a chorus of "I Will Fetch the Water" from Disney's Jungle Book.

CutiePie, the heroine who speaks like Suzie Wong, has a minuscule waist. Her perfect breasts were decorously covered— yeah right, the Blue People are natural prudes and anorexics. (By the way, they are not nearly as adorable and sexy as the centaurs in Fantasia).

Meanwhile, these babes in the woods are about to have their shit blown all to hell by the Facist Insect We Know So Well as "Team America."
...
makes me likely to change my movie viewing plans any time in the near future.

So if I want a mind-altering, immersive science fiction experience, I'll re-read "Faith of our Fathers" in the tub, sipping three fingers of Oban and meditating on how a life-long appetite for good, cheap science fiction and good, cheap cinema has completely -- nay, pantropically -- ruined my palate for early 21st Century big budget blunt-force-trauma Veldt-o-vision feelies.

Meanwhile, this has been another episode of:

"Which of his betters is Cameron ripping off

'homaging' the hell out of with their pants on this time?"

18 comments:

Alewife Cove said...

All I can say is you either pay way to much for movie tickets or you have a really good scotch supplier.

Blader said...

Knowing zilch about it going in, my first impression of Avatar was as some sort of spoof and I wondered if this was something for giggles. But then I remembered being fooled similarly the first time I ever saw a Stephen Seagal movie--which was so bad it had to be intentional, right?

Spot on. Avatar is nothing but a remorseless amalgam of plot lines stolen, by my own count, from at least a dozen other works, not including a Smurf movie because I never saw one. And that also doesn't include those you mention here, which are new to me.

And since I was with the entire Blader clan, I'm out a whole bottle of a very respectable single-malt.

Cirze said...

I haven't seen it (or have any desire to waste my money, time, aesthetic zensibilities on more tripe) for exactly the same reasons.

Sheesh. Are we so old that we are left the few remaining denizens of planet "Well Read?" It's just too easy seeing this s**t coming now. The film makers (not directors in the sense of Kubrick, et al.) seem to think a cursory knowledge of comic book plots is sufficient insight.

. . . On the other hand, though, you have Ivan Reitman's "kid." (I recommend it - the subtext is sublime.)

S
_____________

Yodood said...

Sorry folks, you're gagging on gnats and swallowing camels. No matter how many sources ripped off, methods excoriated or social tropes exaggerated — the result is a fantastic example of human behavior with the intention, and possibility, of changing human relations with the nature of mother earth, Gaia, to becoming more symbiotic, less aggressively profit oriented. I know of no effort with such popular possibilities — certainly not Inconvenient Truth.

Fran / Blue Gal said...

A glass of Oban costs the same as a movie ticket in Chicago, I assume. But the scotch is a much better investment.

Nice to see some folks haven't forgotten the great women science fiction writers. You're a more advanced feminist than I, Gunga Driftglass.

Anonymous said...

It seems every time I look up...some hollywood giant is ripping of the great science fiction of my youth. Most of the time the story is so dumbed down...it is hard to recognize....and given it has been about 30 years since I read the original...I cant always figure out just which story it was. I knew I had seen that story before..but couldnt put my finger on it. I remember Harlan Ellison had a great compilation (of other great writers of the time )called "Dangerous Visions". I wish I could find a copy, because I think virtually every one of those stories has been abused over the last 30 years or so...

BruceJ said...

See this Fail Blog entry for a perfect skewering.

zencomix said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
zencomix said...

The Lefthand of Snarkness.

Comrade PhysioProf said...

three fingers

Poured like a real fucking mensch! w00t!

Not to take away from your clever fisking of this Avatar garbaggio, but at this point "Hollywood movie is derivative racist misogynist trash" is pretty much in "dog bites man" territory.

prof fate said...

It's been a long time since I've gone to a Hollywood SF film and expected anything more than garish eye candy. And I'll spot you Cameron's mawkishness, unoriginality, and other deficiencies as a director.

Which is why I'll only go see Avatar at matinee prices. No 3-D: that shit gives me a headache. (However, I'll gladly shell out the bucks for Terry Gilliam's new film.)

But much as I admire him as a writer, Harlan Ellison's lawsuit against Cameron was and is complete bullshit. It makes me wish someone would resurrect Olaf Stapledon and H. G. Wells, so they could do a bit of "turnabout is fair play" on Ellison's egotistical, litigious ass.

darkblack said...

I'll give Cameron his due, he backs up his belief in his own artistic vision with actual coin of the realm - dropping the director's fee (but not the points, natch) on Titanic when it went over budget, for example - but he'll always be a top-shelf hack and never an auteur, IMO.

And as much as I dig Harlan's writing, I find it sorta kinda hard to believe the line 'They coulda had it for nothing if they gave equal time to the creators' (paraphrased). Nobody comes of age in Hollywood without learning two things: 'Trust me' means 'f*ck you', and if your lawyer can't beat up their lawyer you need to find one that can.

;>)

Phil said...

Don't be bogarting the pantropics, man.
This is why I love Drifty, he makes me look shit up.

mb said...

If you go to Avatar expecting a philosophical or literary or cultural message, you're going to be paying too much at any price. The movie is really nothing more or less than 2+ hours of eye candy and gee whiz cgi. It is a showcase for the technology. And a pretty good one. IMHO, all this criticism (from the left and right) about the message (or lack of one) of the film is fatuous.

Via said...

Loved The Postman, the book. Hated The Postman, the movie.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

yeah, I may be shallow, but hey, how many zombie philosophers do you know?

but we didn't expect the movie to challenge us. It was a big budget spectacular. It entertained. the 3D was kinda cool. The story as better than 5 of the six Star Wars movies, but only because Lucas cared enough to make the first one true to his inspirations.

I'll still read all the books drifty links to.

jim said...

Didn't see it, but upon hearing about it immediately thought it sounded like warmed-over Ursula Le Guin.

Don't fret - soon Hollywood will give the public the highbrow art-movie content it's been craving for so many years ... in a radical quantum-leap of marketing chutzpah, both "The A-Team: Origins" & "The A-Team Part 2: Pyrotechinc Boogaloo" will be simultaneously released to universal yelps of joy & delight!

Alewife Cove said...

I wold just take the bottle of Oban and toss the movie.