Scamming Money The Old Fashioned Way

Turns out Teddy Ruxpin grew up into a Credit Default Swap Decepticon that ate the global economy.

Reacting quickly, Citigroup did what any other company who has been bleeding cash from a thousand self-inflicted gutshots, whose stock has dropped from $27.35/share to single-ply-generic-toilet-paper, and who exists now entirely thanks to the public dole.

Bonuses!!

From Yahoo News:

Citi spends $3.5M to reward Smith Barney brokers

By STEPHEN BERNARD

NEW YORK (AP) — Embattled banking giant Citigroup Inc. spent about $3.5 million to provide rewards for top-performing advisers at its Smith Barney brokerage unit.

The payments are in lieu of three trips Citi usually plans for its top revenue-generating advisers in the division. Those trips were canceled earlier in the year as Citi attempts to slash costs amid the ongoing economic downturn. Citi has posted five consecutive quarterly losses and received $45 billion in government assistance during the ongoing credit crisis and recession.

Many major financial firms that have received government funding in recent months have drastically scaled back spending on events and perks for employees amid growing anger from politicians in Washington about how they spend money.
...

And then, literally, the money quote:

Citi said none of the money from the government investment is being used for the rewards.

Because what we stupid fucking taxpayers fail to understand is that the cash marked "bonus money" and the cash marked "bailout money" come from two, different pockets entirely! And as the Law of Inter-Pocket-Monetary-Non-Fungiblity-Osmotics clearly states, cash from your front pocket that you were gonna use to buy beer can never, ever be used to pay your rent.

Because rent money comes from the back pocket. Dumbass.

Well at least after 30 years of dining out on Ronald Reagan's imaginary, racist, Cadillac-driving "welfare queens", Republican class-warriors finally have real villains who really are collectively scamming and mooching billions off the hard-working American taxpayer.

Unfortunately for the Shiftless Negro mythos that holds much of their base together, America's Welfare Kings appear to be wealthy, white males whose Escalades are likely still festooned with Bush/Cheney and McCain/Palin bumper stickers.