This is the sober, serious conversation

we in the Majority thought we had with the leaders of the Democratic Party when we swept them to power in November.

Not the morgue business in the literal sense of course – democracy provides ample tools for dealing with the pimps and traitors who run our country, and dispatching them and their minions to political and cultural graveyards will be quite sufficient.

But you have to, y’know, actually do that.

When we say “Worst President Evah!”, do not mistake our grim smiles for a lack of gravity. When we refer to them as the Bush Crime Family, do not believe for a minute we are waving fancy hyperbolic flourishes.

This really is the worst presidency in our history.

The people that operate it really are traitors to democracy and monsters of the first order.

And when a Republican Congressman or Senator stands with this Administration, they are not your "esteemed colleague” or "respected opponent”.

That kind of language became a portion for foxes when Gingrich, DeLay, Falwell, Limbaugh and the rest of them declared Total Partisan Warfare on Liberals and Democrats long ago.

Or haven’t you been paying any attention at all?

And if you really are that utterly tone deaf to the ugly realities of the battle into which you have inserted yourself, then perhaps you have no fucking business holding national office?

No, when a Republican Congressman or Senator stands with this Administration, they stand against the good of the nation. They are the enemy. Our enemy. Democracy’s enemy.

And just because you share a cafeteria, a crapper or the traditional hooker and a brick of Nepalese hash with them does not mean you were elected to treat or trade or dance a happy little political gavotte with them.

You were elected to beat the living (rhetorical) shit out of them.

You were elected to parliamentarially eviscerate these creepy, goose-stepping, self-hating men’s room cock-swabbers, bring our troops home and wake us from the endless nightmare of Dubya’s Iraqi Debacle into which they plunged us.

They have vandalized our Justice Department. Ruined our international reputation. Shivved our free press. Raped our most basic rights. Shit all over genuine Christianity. Made us into a nation of smirking, paranoid, nuclear-armed, war-mongering, eaves-dropping torturers.

And bragged about it.

Laughed about it.

Your job is not to debate them, because no matter how majestically you phrase it, the simple fact that they are completely, utterly, dead-fucking-wrong about everything will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever change their minds.

Your job is not to compromise and triangulate what’s left of our democracy away to them in the hopes they’ll not fuck us over this time. Sorry, but the three-strikes rule is now in effect: Modern Republicans have proven beyond any doubt they cannot be rehabilitated and made into useful citizens.

Your job is to drop anvils on their heads until out of sheer pain and the most elementary sense of self-preservation they stop destroying our country.

When the next White House flunky tells you to take your subpoena and stuff it, your job is to drag them out of their house by their wattles at 2:00 A.M. “Cops”-style and let them sit in the Judith Miller Concrete Cube-O-Introspection for a month or twenty and reflect on the fact that loyalty to Bush Regime thugs now comes with a price tag.

When White House lawyers show up to spring 'em, your job it to sit them down, play them this video

and then run in a circle around them repeating “la-la-la-la-I-can-not-hear-you”.

Your job is to answer every Republican question with: “Because Modern Republicans are the filthy, lying, incompetent antithesis of everything that is good and decent about American, that’s why.”

Your job is to answer every Republican challenge with: “Until you hold President Drinky O’Nookewler to exactly the same fierce standards and penalties which you lavished so loudly and ferociously on Bill Clinton for seven years, my esteemed colleague needs to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down.”

We asked you last year if you really wanted to “get Capone” and end his Forever War.

You said yes.

We asked you last year what you would be willing to do.

You said anything within the law.

We asked if you were sure, because we know – having seen them, Bible in one hand and Flag in the other, slowly rot the heart out of this county for the last 20 years – that they will never give up the fight until the are driven completely from power and, more importantly, from respectability.

Your job is to come straight at them and not let up until being a Bush Republican has to become something shameful. Something embarrassing. Something you wouldn’t dreaming of letting baby-sit your kids.

Your job is to pull a gun every single fucking time they pull a knife.

That was the blood oath you took in November. That’s the Chicago Way.

And now that it's all on the line, if that’s not a game you can play to win on behalf of the people who sent you to Washington to fight them, then you have absolutely no business warming a seat in the Capital or the White House in the name of we the Majority.