Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Do not watch this video.



Seriously, I tell you at the peril of your very soul, do not watch this video:

Yoda’s not in it.

However if, say, Yoda…had the devil's own monkey sex with this guy…



and needed this guy...



to complete some kind of Santorum-based, Rosemary’s Baby II Satanic fertilization ritual, the spawn of that foul union (well, technically, triune) would begin to approximate the puppet in this video.

This Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show puppet show video.

Which begs the question, is this – Holy Mother of God protect us –- actually what the interior furnishings of a Fundy’s skull really look like?

Or is this (please Lord) perhaps just…

...some kind of meth-torqued Buffy fan fiction one-act play?

...what happens when you break out the video camera while listening to Zappa or Captain Beefheart on bad acid?

...a horrible roman a clef, but with stupid, obscure people and unfunny jokes told by muttering demons with bad timing?

...one man's impressionistic vision of what it would be like to see Buddy Hackett, doing a bad Bette Middler. While imitating Monty Python? On the Johnny Carson Show? Ripped to the tits on absinthe? And having a stroke?

And Oh Merciful King of Kings, what the fuck is up with “The Black Kid” puppet ?!

85 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Space angels"

WTF?

Anonymous said...

Drift, I am sorry to say that I actually watched the whole damn thing.....that's too many minutes out of my life that I will never get back again. Having said that, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE AND BELIEVE THAT KIND OF SHIT???

Talk about gay repression.....that alien thing is nothing, if not created to give voice to someone's deeply hidden desires.

And all the blather about so many kinds of people living everywhere....I thought these nuts only believed in one world....ours.....not other places.

I'm truly sorry I stayed.

Anonymous said...

I haven't yet seen the video, but as someone who has survived "Manos: The Hands of Fate," "Red Zone Cuba" AND "Beast of Yucca Flat," I am anxious to see how this little piece of video offal measures up.

Walt

Eli said...

Good Lord. I'm still (Halfway? Who can tell?) on the second song, and I think I'm already scarred for life. It's just... neverending blather sung in a fruity voice, with no actual musical content at all. But I have to cut them some slack on account of the impressive and highly professional quality of the production values and special effects.

Anonymous said...

Hmpf. Yours truly survived not only MANOS in its pre-MST3K form, but has also lived to tell the tale of arguably an even worse horror flick. Picture if you will a Dracula version reset in the North Carolina hills and populated not only with women dressed in nighties from Alexander's/Woolworth's, but a Count Dracula who is a dead spit for John Belushi. I have found that seeing that flick has more than adequately prepared me for whatever horrors life may send my way (well, I thought so till Dubya got reelected, that is...:

Anonymous said...

Got-_damm_, driftglass. How did you run across this beauty? And what do we have to do for you to get those images out of our heads? (deering looks around at her fellow blog-respondents, asking if any of 'em have Rosario Dawson's phone number or _something_...;)

Eli said...

Dude, how can you tell us about a flick like that and not tell us the TITLE???

It's indecent, it is.

Mister Roboto said...

To iterate everyone else, that was just weird. And bad. And stupid. I was only able to sit through one of those "songs", which was just bizarre rambling set to music. That makes Luanne's Christian Puppet Show from the first season of "King of the Hill" look professional and polished by comparison!

Anonymous said...

My head now feels like a custard-and-broken-glass salad. Ouch.

Eli said...

It was much better after I sent my girlfriend the link, and we did kind of an AIMST3K thing. She was a bit worried that the dancing blue dot might be giving her hypnotic commands, and was alarmed by the transdimensional vagina that kept threatening to devour Chip The Black Boy!...

Anonymous said...

In the middle of my mind slowly being reduced to tapioca I grappled for winamp and turned it on -- loud (always trust DG -- he did warn us -- you took the risk!).

Anonymous said...

Wow, excellent find! (Though I admit to fast forwarding through Mr. Grey Spaceman's second number.) I have no idea if space angels are an actual part of the faith, as my knowledge of Christian Science boils down to "they have reading rooms" and "they no likee medical treatment", but those puppets were doing readings from Mary Baker Eddy. So not technically fundie whackjobs, but whackjobs nonetheless.

Mister Roboto said...

That guy sitting in a chair off to the right almost seemed as if he was retarded at some points!

Anonymous said...

Eli, I never found out the title--I've been looking for it since that life-altering day. Back before intelligent design ruled the earth, I went to college in Hampton, Virginia. A Saturday night ritual down there was watching the local horror-movie show, "Dr. Madblood," whose producers were kind enough to show this thing. Out of the top five regrets of my life, never finding out what that movie was is #3--:)

Eli said...

I'll run it by my girlfriend and see if it rings any bells. She's a dedicated horror nut, whereas I am a mere dabbler.

driftglass said...

Noooo, Mrs. Lot, don't turn aroun...!

Damn.

I tried to warn you all, but instead I looked too long into the abyss and it look back into me. And stole my lunch money.

And now, as that greatest of all cinematic fraternal second bananas and veteral of both Star Trek AND the Night Gallery said, "I'm Infested".

Anonymous said...

And now for the poop...

The Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show

Mister Roboto said...

From the webpage mentioned in the post just above:

Today, David is still hoping for another break into show business. He can regularly be seen performing outside the Hollywood Bowl, the Music Center and the La Brea Tar Pits.

I truly shudder to imagine.

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