Monday, July 09, 2018

More Thrilling Tales of True Conservatism! Vol 20: Ask a Tru-Con

In case you are unfamiliar with his work, Mr. Bret Stephens of The New York Times is one of a handful of "True Conservatives" who have holed-up in the offices of America's leading newspapers and cable news networks and are refusing to come out until someone takes them seriously again. 

You see, while the real leaders of the GOP were spending the last 40 years aggressively mutated their political party into a mob of malleable bigots and imbeciles, it was the job of word-piddlers like Mr. Stephens to stand outside the factory floor where the GOP was being disassembled and rebuilt into a fascist cult and loudly pretend that nothing was going on inside.  That it was all a very respectable.  Just a buncha Jack Kemp fanboys quoting Burke to each other. Nothing for you to worry about, and anyway look over there! 

Isn't that a Libtard?

Talking about socialism!?!

Yes!  Yes it is!  
Democratic Socialism Is Dem Doom
And away the media would scamper, leaving the GOP political monster factory to continue to hum smoothly along, cranking out ghouls and hobgoblins in peace. 

And it was all going great until one of the monsters they were building in the monster factory got big enough and strong and fuck-you enough to kick the monster factory doors right off their hinges and show the whole world what had really been going on inside the Republican party all along. 


Well damn, now the Big Secret was out.  And to no one's surprise, most of the suddenly-superfluous monster factory butlers and press flaks just shrugged and went to work for President Stupid.   After all, the Big Secret was never really a secret inside the Beltway, and if you've already spent decades laundering Republican atrocities as respectable policy differences or as the fault of the Extremes on Both Sides, then you really don't have much of of a soul left to save anyway, so why not bank a few more ducats on your way to eternal damnation?

But a tiny and irrelevant faction of the suddenly-superfluous monster factory butlers and press flaks decided instead to go into business for themselves.  They became Murrica's "True Conservatives" (tm) and from their permanent sinecures at America's leading newspapers and cable news networks they now traffic in fairy tales of the Glories of the Conservatism That Never Was, in shitty science fiction about the Glories of the Conservatism That Is Yet To Come and in advice to Democrats about how they could become Big Winners if only they would embrace the political wisdom of this clutch of impotent scribblers whose only credential is that, after decades of obedient service to the Republican monster factory, they finally noticed that the Republican party was full of Republicans. 

And with that, ladies and gentlemen and dirty, America-hating Libtards of all ages, I give you Mr. Bret Stephens of The New York Times:
If Trump is the new Nixon, the right way to oppose him isn’t to summon the ghost of George McGovern. Try some version of Bill Clinton (minus the grossness) for a change: working-class affect, middle-class politics, upper-class aspirations.

I’ve written elsewhere that a chief danger to democracy is a politics in which the center bends toward the fringe instead of the fringe bending toward the center. It’s the way Trump became president. But the antidote to one extreme isn’t another, and Democrats will only win once they reclaim the vital center of American politics.

The center is Dayton and Denver, not Berkeley and Burlington. The center is Harry Truman and Daniel Patrick Moynihan, not Eugene Debs and Michael Harrington. Democrats who want to win should know this.
If Mr. Stephens had been present at the Battle of Agincourt he would have advised Henry to forget about those crazy pikes and longbows and focus on buying thicker armor and suing for peace at the earliest opportunity.

Behold, a Tip Jar!

1 comment:

jim said...

Something pretty & terrifying to grok: