He's In The Twitter Jailhouse Now

Well kids, the Twitter cops finally caught up with me this morning so for the next little bit I'll be doing  hard-time in Twitter jail. 

Life on the inside (as we call it) can be hard, but it does give a man time to think about his past and his choices and how his life ever came to a pass like, and I have come to realize a few of things.

First, I'm gonna need money.  Scratch.  Mad Scrilla.  Lettuce.  Lots of it.  Both for bail and for the niceties and incidentals a man needs to remind himself of civilization as he whiles away the long, lonely hours in the House of Many Hashtags.  So as I compose my jailhouse memoir and look forward to the day when they strap me into a Twitter ankle monitor and permit me provisional release back into the Land of the Free, consider this Day One of The Driftglass Twitter Bail Fundraiser.

Behold, a Bail Jar!

Second, now that I've had a chance to have a deep think on the charges that landed me here, I realize now that I took things too far.  That in the heat of the moment I said things one cannot un-say.

 And just what was the Terrible Thing that landed me in the interweb sneezer?

Ahem.

Three weeks ago referred to Bill Maher as a "whore".

Yep.  That's is.

Now, to be fair, I'm not 100% sure whether it was my use of the word "whore", the word "fool" or the word "Bill" which put me on bad paper with Twitter by promoting violence against, threatening, or harassing other people "on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability, or serious disease" so I'm not sure exactly how I should censor myself in the future in order to avoid becoming a Twittercidivist.  

Which, as the Right gleefully wipes its ass with the Constitution and cheerfully lines up behind an actual fascist traitor, pretty clearly seems to be the point of this slap on my Libtard wrist.

But I have a plan.

Third, from now on, should I wish to use Twitter to critique Mr. Maher's many, many failures, I will only do so using language that was permissible on America public television during the 1970's Golden Age of American Civility.  Language like "loopy brothel inmate", courtesan, harlot, paramour, concubine, fille de joie, "bit of tail"and "naughty lady of the night".

Finally, if the 1970's PBS standard still proves to be too racy for Will H. Hays, Mrs. Grundy and the rest of the tightasses at Twitter HQ, at my parole hearing I will promise to play it super-duper safe only use language to critique Mr. Maher which Mr. Maher has himself used without incurring the wrath of  

I mean, what could possibly be fairer than that?

Don't let Trump quit! You assholes voted for him, nominated him, handcuffed yourself to this dead hooker, now drag it to the finish line!

— Bill Maher (@billmaher) October 8, 2016

In the meantime, I'll be around.