Monday, January 16, 2017

Sunday Morning Party Line


The Bastard President.

As we enter the Age of Trump, the lies coming from broken brain and tiny fingers of Il Douche will not only be flying thick and fast, but they will constantly be changing and reversing depending on his momentary whims
This means that lies told by The Bastard President's myrmidons in government and in the media must also gyre and pinwheel wildly hour-by-hour based on the boss' most recent bowel movement and whatever teevee show happened to catch his attention.


Under The Bastard President, from now on every Republican mouthpiece from Kellyanne "Zombie Spice" Conway and Paul Ryan down to the HUD Midwest Regional Deputy Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs will be forced to wake up every day of their professional lives and become Baghdad Bob -- to lie and lie and lie.  And when those lies go tits up because Brutal Reality intervenes or because The Bastard President changed his story mid-sentence, they must then swear to God that they never said what they clearly said just moments before.

Under The Bastard President it's going to be a fucking blizzard of lunatic bullshit every god damn day, and if you signed on to serve this madman, then I have a prediction about what your professional future looks like:


But for the time being you and I are going to have to plot a course through this blizzard with little or no help from our deeply compromised Fourth Estate.  And while it may seem important to leap into action over each individual snowflake in that blizzard (and please do so as it suits you), for me it is much more important to track the overall weather pattern.  The Bastard President lies constantly for the same reason your Crazy Uncle Liberty lies constantly -- because he is weak and stupid and racist and corrupt.

The Bastard President is the final stage of a 40 year project to debase the GOP from a political party into a pliant, stupefied liedeological cult --


-- and so documenting which way his lies are trending -- where the Republican Party Line is today -- can tell us where the cult leader feels he is most vulnerable.   And based on the pace, scale and direction of the bare-faced lying they were doing this Sunday just to keep their heads out of the noose we know that that the Fabulous, Tea-Baggulous Bush-Off Machine has been outfitted with spindizzies and Disaster Area neutron phase speakers to meet the demand.  

Because while the original Bush-Off machine was created to absolve the Party of Personal Responsibility of all personal responsibility for the many criminal and treasonous disasters of the Failed Bush Administration, under the Failed Trump Administration the machine must now do double duty:  it must not only completely white-out eight years of the Obama Administration legacy, but it must also simultaneously rewrite the entire, well-documented history of Republican Party sedition and obstruction and the hundreds of well-documented lies told by The Bastard President over the same eight years.

For example, in order to backstop their Bastard President-elect's unhinged fury over being called "illegitimate" by an icon of personal rectitude and an American civil rights hero, his loyal homunculi must all line up and swear that that at no time did The Bastard President-elect himself ever question the legitimacy of President Barack Obama.

The incoming Bastard President's press secretary on Fox News (h/t Crooks & Liars):
SPICER: Look, this is something I would be arguing the same, whether it was a Republican or Democrat, Barack Obama or Bill Clinton. You do not treat the president elect or any major figure in that way. It’s childish and disrespectful.
Republican radio shitpile and respected CNN contributor Ben Ferguson:


From CNN:
"It is unprecedented," Ferguson said. "I cannot imagine the fallout, the backfire that you would have if a Republican would have ever implied that about Barack Obama or Bill Clinton or JFK, or anyone else for that matter."

Harlow and fellow guest Symone Sanders, the former press secretary for Bernie Sanders' presidential campaign, then began to interrupt Ferguson, reminding him there is a precedent, and it's recent.

"Ben, that's exactly what many Republicans did," Harlow said, "including the President-elect for years questioning the legitimacy of the first black president."
The incoming Bastard President's Chief of Staff on "This Week":
PRIEBUS: But hang on a second, George, we're not questioning the legitimacy of the outcome of the election. You didn't have Republicans questioning whether or not Obama legitimately beat John McCain in 2008.  For a person that is a champion of voter rights to question whether or not Donald Trump legitimately won an election or not is an incredible position to take five days before an inauguration. And so...

STEPHANOPOULOS: Some Democrats have made that -- some Democrats have made that -- including David Axelrod have made that point at all, but it is a fact that Donald Trump was questioning whether President Obama was eligible to serve as a president under the constitution?...
ABC must have been running sort of MLK Day wingnut bullshit clearance sale because next up we find that the extremely ethically flexible Jason Chaffetz (known primarily for shaming his family and betraying faith by running taxpayer-funded witch-hunts against Hillary Clinton...and for promising to continue to run taxpayer-funded witch-hunts against Hillary Clinton until the end of time because fuck you, that's why...and for un-endorsing and re-endorsing Donald J. Trump based on contradictory instructions from the angel Moroni or whatever) has apparently been told by someone that repeating the phrase "fishing expedition" three times on national teevee will get him the keys to the Celestial Kingdom's executive lounge.

From ABC:
CHAFFETZ: And so I do believe that he has set up a plan where the revenue or the profits that are coming to the hotel will be given directly to the Treasury. But I'm not going to go on this fishing expedition that they want me to, that the Democrats want me to, the president has a duty and obligation to comply with the law. But again he's exempt from almost all of these things. Now, the emoluments clause, he's going to have to look at and we'll see how that rolls out.
...

CHAFFETZ: No, not necessarily. Look, I'm not just going to go on these fishing expeditions. I didn't do that with President Obama. We didn't go through this with President Obama. I think the world and certainly the American voters understand that Donald Trump has mass holdings. He's worth billions of dollars. He's been very successful in business. And I think the American voters understood that when they voted him in.
...

CHAFFETZ: If people have questions about this, the White House is going to be the one that has to answer those questions.  Until we see something that is actually wrongdoing, we're probably not going to go on a fishing trip to go see look at -- we're just not going to do that, that's not what we do in this committee.
Sadly, the Mr. Stephanopoulos, the "moderator" of this profane mess, does not possess the moral character, stature or upper body strength to push back against any of it.  So instead of laughing this filthy little rat-person out of the building, he offers the weakest of all corporate-approved token objections --
STEPHANOPOULOS: I think a lot of Democrats might disagree with your characterization of President Obama and the investigations of Hillary Clinton...
-- and then it's off to some newer, shinier lie.

Of course, the inherent problem which constant, pathological lying on the national stage is that very quickly people start comparing what you said today with what you said yesterday and wondering if you're lost your mind.

But of course as I have written about literally hundreds of times on this blog, if you are a Conservative this is simply not a factor because:
...the single, unifying characteristic that unites virtually every American Conservative from Rush Limbaugh to Andrew Sullivan more perfectly than anything I have read in a long time. 
That characteristic? 
Pathological deception about the past and present in order to lie themselves off the hook for their Movement's myriad atrocities...
For Conservatives, contradictory or embarrassing stuff-that-happened-in-the-past is always off limits when it comes to discerning the truth of things.  And now that Conservatives are back in power, declaring contradictory or embarrassing stuff-that-happened-in-the-past to be null and void is about to become official United States government policy.   So sayeth the incoming Bastard President's Chief of Staff.  From ABC (with emphasis added):

STEPHANOPOULOS: Some Democrats have made that -- some Democrats have made that -- including David Axelrod have made that point at all, but it is a fact that Donald Trump was questioning whether President Obama was eligible to serve as a president under the constitution?

PRIEBUS: And many people were, George. But that issue has been resolved for years now, and it's been resolved for at least two years in Donald Trump's mind. And to bring that up as justification for John Lewis questioning the legitimacy of a democratic activity that is -- has been around since the beginning of our country is wrong.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Just a factual point, he didn't stop raising those questions -- he didn't stop raising those questions until late in this campaign, not two years.

PRIEBUS: But look, George, that's not the point. The point is not where Barack Obama was born, the point is is that we've got congressmen on the Democratic side of the aisle that are questioning the legitimacy of President-elect Trump who won in an electoral landslide. That's the issue. That's where the outrage should be, not old news...
Our lazy and complicit media are utterly unprepared for what it about to fall on them.

The Respectable Republicans who climbed into Trump's windowless panel truck because he offered them free!tax!cut!candy! did not hear the door close and lock behind them.

And so once again it falls to us dirty hippies out here in wilderness -- we who found each other and learned from each other how to make it through the madness of the Bush Administration -- to help the nation navigate the terrors of The Bastard President's Fire Swamp


9 comments:

duquesnepdx said...

These bastards lie so much and are so rarely challenged on their lies that I wonder if they actually think that they're telling the truth.

Of course, it's all in the service of maintaining the power of the trifecta to pass all of their fever dreams into law and repeal the nightmare of 30M people having insurance when they shouldn't have any to start with. Along with rolling back 80 years of progressive victories. They're coming for the Great Society victories of the 60s and the New Deal after that. They won't be satisfied until every fucking penny they can squeeze out of the American people rests in the pockets of the .01%.

Fuck these filthy fascists. Thanks, DG, for keeping up on these shit eating traitors. You've got a much stronger stomach than I.

The Kraken said...

DG, your mind is as keen as your humor is black. I don't know how you manage to get through these missives without invoking "unpersons", "Newspeak", the ministry of truth, or how we have always been at war with east Asia. I guess I'm still an amateur.

trgahan said...

Chaffetz (he got his seat claiming being "a budget hawk" so there are two bullshit conservative talking points he will ignore over the next four years) is the epitome of Republican values held when the President is Democratic and promptly taken out behind the Capital building and shot as part of Republican Presidential inauguration festivities.

Robt said...

Shaking it here boss,

What we got here is a failure to communicate, with a Bond villain in a Back to the Future Movie, Twilight Zone, Day of the walking talking dead movie.

As a Conservative Congressman in a House position that has me overseeing wrongdoings for everyone no matter what political stripe. As my oath of Office that I swore to defend and uphold the Constitution of this here 'murika.
It is disgusting that an Ethics Official would politely mention publically something about my President's questionable ethics. That is why I am going to threaten the Ethics guy with investigations or defunding.
Because I am lord Chaffetz and only I have the power and knowledge to allow anything siad about Trump in by Gov't employees. No, I am the Chaffetz, and I am not a Gov't employee. I just take my paycheck and Benefits for the Gov't. Got that?

bowtiejack said...

Magnificent stuff. Thank you.

Neo Tuxedo said...

An old priest and a young priest? No, we need a doctor, a logician, and a marine biologist.

dinthebeast said...

It kind of reminds me of the feeling I got when I found out about the NSA under W, it was just so vast that it was easy to just get confounded over it, but after I thought about it for a few months it began to make sense.
We just need to remember that they impeached Clinton over a lie, not a blowjob- as they tell you every time you bring it up- so with the brown firehose of verifiable lies tweeting forth from Beepie's (see what I did there?) thing-where-the-brain-should-be we should at least not be wanting for ammunition...

-Doug in Oakland

RUKidding said...

Dear Doug in Oakland
Agree that the lying liars on the R Team can wax lyrical for hours at a time that it wasn't Monica's hummer that's the problem. Nay verily it's that Clinton lied under oath. Take note of those last two words bc that's the yuuuuge out clause for the unending torrential fire hose of lies from Trump, his surrogates, all R pols & nearly everyone in the M$M. Yes indeed they constantly & glibly & fecklessly lie big time, Bigly & major league but not- as yet - under oath. Ergo: IOKIYAR. Always.

Dave McCarthy said...

"You didn't have Republicans questioning whether or not Obama legitimately beat John McCain in 2008. "

Such a classic half-truth, and of course uncurious George let it go by.

OK, NO, they did NOT question the legitimacy of the VOTE, but then they proceeded to relentlessly push the false notion that Obama wasn't born here and thus was not the legit pres, and they pushed that FORFUCKINGEVER. How did THAT work out? I'm glad you asked.

'According to a new NBC News/SurveyMonkey poll, seventy-two percent of registered Republicans “still doubt” the President's place of birth. Forty-one percent outright disagreed with the statement, “Barack Obama was born in the United States,” while only twenty-seven percent of Republicans agree.Aug 11, 2016'

MY TAKE AWAY FROM THIS: HIT THE "LEGITIMACY" OF THE DRUMPF PRESIDENCY EARLY AND OFTEN!