Thursday, October 20, 2016

Fundraiser Day Four: #Debatenight -- Leslie Knope vs Dinsdale Piranha


"Phone-bank" Ted Cruz, tonight, somewhere.

In addition to custom graphics, obscure words, too many literary/cinematic/science fiction/pop-culture references, one of the services we provide here at the driftglass blog is Live!Nude!Coverage! of various events like debates, public hearings of particular interest ("At The Pillory Clinton Hearing"), and so forth.

At tonight's debate, two moments -- Trump rejecting the most fundamental predicate of American democracy and Trump [who respects women more than any other human being on Earth] calling Hillary Clinton a "nasty woman" during the course of this third debate meltdown in a row -- are overwhelming everything else.

But for the sake of the historical record (oh please don't let there be a historical record) here are my vagrant thoughts on the "debate" as the happened, corrected for windage and any egregious spelling errors that my tired eyes can still see:
  • Fox employee Chris Wallace views himself as a serious newsman?  Great.  I view myself as the Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV.  

  • No booze?  WTF man!  Oh.  No "boos".  Never mind.

  • Clinton gives a coherent, sensible answer to "Whither the Supremes".

  • Trump: The Supreme Court hurt my fee fees.  Hillary will use her magic lady powers to eliminate the 2nd amendment.

  • Clinton: How about some reasonable restrictions on gun ownership?  And now I shall demonstrate my wonkpower!

  • Trump: Hillary is an angry lady.  Angry angry lady.  I am strong.  Strong like bull.

  • Trump: Rocket launchers for everyone!

  • And The Sniff is Back!

  • Trump: Hell yes, I'll overturn Roe v Wade.  And then I'll arm the shit out of our precious fetus-Americans!

  • Trump: Hillary wants to kill babies.  She does.  Rip that baby out of there. She'll do it!  She's crazy!

  • Hillary wants the government out of your vagina.  Trump wants the gummint in there.  Waaay in there, grabbing, grabbing, grabbing just like Donald Trump.

  • Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama personally mule smack into New Hampshire.  Sniff!  They do it!  Sniff!  Mmmm. Sniff!  Delicious heroin.

  • Bad hombre?  Really?  We're going there?  Of course we're going there.  

  • Trump: Believe me.  Sniff. Believe me.  Sniff.  Believe me.  Sniff.  Believe me.  Sniff.  Believe me.  Sniff.  Believe me...

  • Clinton: Donald hates illegal immigrants so much that he hires them to build his shitty buildings.

  • Clinton: The Ghost of Reagan loves my immigration policy.  Also Bush.

  • Trump: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton want to bring in nuclear Sniff! Syrian terror babies Sniff!

  • Trump: No you're the puppet!  You are!  Vlad told me so!  Sniff!

  • Trump: According to many many reports.  Sniff!  Many, many reports I have seen. Sniff!  Putin has taken over the Middle East.

  • Can't wait for Hugh Hewitt to dress this pile of orange shit up and try to sell it as Belgian chocolate.

  • Obama's regime?  Regime?

  • Trump: I personally saved NATO.  Many people  Sniff! have told me that.  Sniff.  Many, many people,  Sniff!

  • Trump: Math Schmath.  Math is for jerks.  I'm going to grow the shit out of everything so bigly you won't believe it.

  • Trump: Remember that one time I was right about thing?  I do.  I take that moment out and pet it at night. I am so fucking awesome.

  • Trump: Why didn't you use your magic first lady of Arkansas power to stop scum like me from fucking up this country?  Huh?  Huh?

  • Trump: Everything has been debunked.  Sniff!  Obama hired thugs!  Sniff!  Watch James O'Keefe's bigly video! I never met anyone, I never knew anyone.  Sniiiiiff!

  • Trump: Hillary hired all of these horrible women who accused me of that stuff.  They have all been debunked .  Everything is a lie.  I'm sure of it, just as I'm sure Obama is a Kenyan Commie from space!

  • They're not laughing at you, Donald.  They're laughing at you.

  • Trump:  I'm going to -- Sniff! -- change the subject now --  Sniff!  -- because I'm looking like  -- Sniff!  --  like a lying pervert  --  Sniff!

  • Trump: Quit talking about my creepy, deviant business, Chris.  I've broken bigger man than you and I'll tell you what questions you should be asking me!

  • Trump: Why didn't Hillary use her magic lady senator powers to single-handedly stop me from being such a shitty monster?  Huh?  Huh?

  • Trump: Hillary Clinton should never have been allowed to run for President.  She's a criminal.   Because of emails and (sing it with me now) so many other things. Sniff!

  • Paranoid madman just madeit clear he will not accept the legitimacy of the election unless Murrica meets his demands. Game Over.

  • Trump: About three months ago I started reading.  Hey, it's a start.

  • Trump thinks a massive army can prep for a major battle, sneak up on Mosul and attack during reruns of the "The Apprentice".  

  • Watching this racist orange fire demon unravel in front of 80M people is stunning.

  • Knowing that 50M meatheads will still vote for this racist lunatic is nauseating.

  • Trump: I will not let any company leave this country.  They'll hit my wall and -- boom! -- back they'll bounce. Bigly. Sniff.

  • Trump: I will repeal everything and replace it all with pure awesome.

  • Trump:  See!  I didn't forget the coloreds!  Ha!  Take that Nasty Lady!

  • Had the GOP nominated the empty chair Clint Eastwood yelled at in 2012, their party would be in better shape than it is tonight.

  • Hillary Clinton kept bringing it back to women, children and your family's future.  Focused and prepared.  

  • Trump's utter contempt for our democracy almost overshadowed the sheer tonnage of lies that came vomiting out of his mouth.

  • "The big Republican accomplishment is that they have detoxified their brand." -- David Brooks, November, 2014.  Bwahahaha!

  • Hugh Hewitt trying to mainstream James O'Keefe now.  Jesus, these people.

  • I don't care about Trump's taxes as much Kellyanne Conway's.   Dying to know what the going rate for a human soul is these day.

  • "The Trump Base" is the Republican party, and the Republican party has turned the legacy of Abraham Lincoln to excrement.

  • Hugh Hewitt watched his dream of being Minister of Public Enlightenment Propaganda in the Trump regime go up in flames tonight.

  • Hugh Hewitt did it for me.  Why did MSNBC hire this degenerate conspiracy monger.  WTF is wrong with you people?

Meanwhile, at Clinton campaign headquarters...





Behold, a Tip Jar!




6 comments:

Robt said...

GEE, You know. I am not sure. I think I may be a little closer to deciding between them. But only a couple of issues spoke to me.

Like------No booze? -----------deal breaker.

Rocket launchers for everyone!------buying these for poor people with y money?

Bad hombre--------Yes remake original with Paul Newman was classic.

use your magic first lady ------In these parts , we burn Witches. Turn off.


Trump thinks a massive army can prep for a major battle, sneak up on Mosul and attack during reruns of the "The Apprentice". --------
----------------------------------------Neither candidate brought up the possibility to play an entire season of Apprentice reruns and then our military could maybe sneak up on ISIS.

I just still can't make up my mind. neither candidate Hew Hewitt nor Kellyanne moved the compass for me in this last debate. Can I keep coming on your TV show to tell you how I can't decide Something is very very Trump "WRONG". Reading your text of the debate is sort of therapeutic. ?!?! ? ! ?

Still, no booze? Did you know mule driven heroin is better than Fed Ex'ed heroin?







keith gargus said...

"I am powerful. Strong as a bull."

No Donny, you are an obese geriatric with major mental disorders. And tonight was your not-so-grand finale. Buh bye.

Lit3Bolt said...

CLINTON: The power of the vote compels you! The power of the vote compels you!

TRUMP: RAHRRRGGG! YOUR WEAK FUCKING DEMOCRACY HAS NO POWER HERE!

Journalists: ...my God, what have we unleashed...

PUTIN: *smiles*

RUKidding said...

Thanks for the summary. While that sheer unmitigated bullshit was unfolding, I was out in the middle of the paddy fields visiting the Cambodian Landmines Museum. Time much better spent.

My thought vis Trump & all USA conservatives: disgustingly self-absorbed selfish trash. Have it so good & can only bitch. Main & sole aim is to "beat" Democrats & screw over liberals. What a load of First World shit.

Shameful.

Mark Dobrowolski said...

Goodbye Donald and thank you for playing, our out your torch

jim said...

"Wonk versus Douche 3: The DERP Strikes Back" makes it nil for three for me.
I have you in no small part to thank for that.

Systematically developed quite a fierce allergy to fascists in the course of facing the gutless fucks down during my wasted youth, you see. Now the odd drib or drab from any particular scumbag is bearable & any half-decent precis is valuable - but large quantities are a hard NO PASARAN. It's not so much PTSD as it is metaphysical acid reflux. Too apt to discombobulate my bile index to unsustainable values.

Quite the morbid circus of chaos America's sharing with the world right now.

Just needs some torchlight, a dash of Wagner (although Tad Nugent covering "Let The Eagle Soar" will also do in a pinch) & getting all them thar Deplorables in matching crushed velvet Star-Spangled armbands to make the tableau complete.