Monday, October 10, 2016

#DebateNight II -- The Lincoln-Thuglas Debate

Last night, after watching some of the run up to the Lowest Moment In American Politics (tm), and then about half an hour of white-hot nonsense from the orange fire demon, I had to step out for a bit. My stepdaughters and their friends needed to be picked pick up from a church function, then one of my a car full of giggly tweens was to to be dropped off at her home while the rest worked out the complex details of a sleepover.

It was a a cool, lovely evening, and very quiet on my street.  No sign that just 90 minutes south of me a madman was stalking around on a stage in front of 80 million people, lying, raving, and promising to lock up his political opponents.  I highly recommend this kind of sharp change in perspective for anyone who finds themselves being sucked into the whatever the Next Lowest Moment In American Politics (tm) will be.

As I worked to find music on the radio to meet everyone's needs (21 Pilots won.  Sorry Johnny Cash: we wuz outnumbered) I wondered about November.  No kidding.  I did not inflict politics on the young ladies (OK, well I did a little, but very gingerly) but I was humbled by the idea that, in less than a month, we would be turning their futures over to either a capable, smart public servant who has worked her whole career to protect and defend girls like these, or a lying, racist lunatic who I wouldn't trust to be alone with these girls for five minutes.

Back at home, everyone safely where they needed to be, I watched the rest of the damn thing, including the post-debate coverage in which, within 20 seconds of this crime-scene being shut down and roped off, everyone from PBS to CNN to MSNBC were racing to declare it a tie and that Donald Trump had finally "stopped the bleeding".  And I put "stopped the bleeding" in quotes because within moments pundits on CNN and PBS (David Brooks) were both using exactly this same phrase.  As if they had already worked out in advance what the narrative was damn well gonna be regardless of the facts on the ground.

So for the record, here are my tweets on the Lincoln-Thuglas Debate, roughly in order and upgraded to more than 140 characters where I saw fit to do so:
Remember, in 2008 when Donald Trump thought the Clinton scandal was "totally unimportant".  Good times!

Dyspeptic robot Hugh Hewitt horrified to discover the Republican party is full of Republicans.  Noooooooo!

Dyspeptic robot Hugh Hewitt shocked at this newly-discovered gag reflex.  I'm sure that design flaw will be fixed in the new model.

I'm watching Donald Trump morph into a living Breitbart comment thread live on teevee.

Barack Obama's longest-lasting legacy may be causing the GOP to finally, completely lose its mind & commit public suicide.

Millions of Americans cheer for this scumbag, the lower the better.  They are manifestly unfit to be citizens of this country.

Turns out that Trump's "debate prep" consists of dragging a $20 through a trailer park. Reagan must be so proud!

From what ancient crypt did Gallup find "undecided" voters at this late date?

The Sniff is Back!

Sniff von Sniffington will Sniff America's Great Panties Again.

Hillary is fact-shaming poor Sniff von Sniffington.

The loser stink coming off Sniff von Sniffington is knocking satellites out of their orbit.

Do NOT take a drink every time Sniff von Sniffington lie-sniffs uncontrollably.  You'll be dead of alcohol poisoning in nine  minutes.

I think this is the moment when Sniff von Sniffington finally realized he is going to lose bigly.  Fiery wreck bigly.

Based on his uncontrollable sniffing, whatever gold-plated health insurance Sniff von Sniffington has must suck ass.

Authentic gold-plated madman gibberish ladies and gentlemen.  Sniff!

So we're back to lying about Iraq.  Great.

Trump insists Hillary Clinton wants to deliberately import 1000s of terrorists as a "Trojan Horse".

Trump is distilled asshole wingnut spite on two legs.

Hillary Clinton is objectively pro-Lincoln.

I pay taxes.  Sniiiiiifffff.  Millions and millions of sniiiiiiiffff taxes.  But the IRS won't let me talk about it.  Thanks Obama!

The man who wants to be President brags that he "knows nothing about Russia.  Nothing."

Sniffy von Sniffington thinks senators have imperial magic powers.

Now the moderator is having to take time to explain foreign policy 101 to this raving idiot.  Not kidding.

Sniffy von Sniffington promises to jail his opposition.  Wow.

Sniffy von Sniffington just called his running mate an idiot. Now is your moment Chris Christie!

You built this fucker Hugh Hewitt, David Brooks, David Frum.  All of you, look upon your mighty works and despair.

But Sniff von Sniffington's supporters are deplorable.  In fact, deplorable is the nicest thing I can think to call these meatheads.

Sniff von Sniffington's "I never said "sex tape".  You LITERALLY said "check out sex tape".

Why oh why is Sniff von Sniffington' using the same defective sniff-producing microphone he bitched about during the last debate?

National newspapers set to revive "bulldog editions" just to cover the sheer tonnage of lies that Trump shoveled out in 90 minutes.

It's one thing to see someone set fire to their own dick on teevee.  It's another to see him try to put it out with a claw hammer.

Within 30 seconds of the end PBS, CNN and MSNBC pundits were repeating "stopped the bleeding" and "both sides".

Watching the pundit class getting their stories straight.  Sure, Trump is a banana republic racist who lies constantly, but this was his best debate evar!  Also Hillary didn't incinerate him with her magic, imperial former senator powers, so y'know, basically a tie,

To no one's surprise being a strutting, lying, fascist goon plays well with the GOP base.

 Get it through your heads: the GOP base WANTS a banana republic. They always have.

This wasn't a debate. This was pure wingnut hateporn & the fact that the pig people jerked happily off to it doesn't mean Il Douche won.

If Trump had tried to Gish Gallop his bullshit in any HS  debate anywhere, he'd have been perp walked out immediately, expelled and his school disqualified until the end of time.

Trump lies in such vast and unprecedented ways, we need to find a vocabulary of bulk measurements.  Metric tons.  Board-feet.
Also Hillary Clinton is the "devil" with "hate in her heart".

Also the moderators were Liberals media plants who were conspiring against him.

Eighty Sniffs, One Cup.

Trump emptied the entire contents of every deranged ALL CAPS email I have ever gotten from Crazy Uncle Liberty onto the floor in front of 80 million people, and this morning paid Trump stooges like Kellyanne Conway and voluntary Trump stooges like Joe Scarborough were giddy that Don the Con had done so great!

From my perceptive -- a permanently underemployed, church-going, middle-aged husband and stepdad living on a quiet street in the middle of middle America -- their revels look a lot like this:

Based on Trump's trajectory, expect him to show up to the third debate with a Vince Foster hand-puppet and stalk the stage sniffing and croaking,"Oh Hillary, why did you kiiiill meeeeeee".

And expect the Beltway media to declare the results to be "too close to call".


Unknown said...

"You built this fucker Hugh Hewitt, David Brooks, David Frum. All of you, look upon your mighty works and despair."

Perfect. Truth.

Mr XD said...

"It's one thing to see someone set fire to their own dick on teevee. It's another to see him try to put it out with a claw hammer."

Brilliant & Highlarious~

trgahan said...

I can only imagine the loss of campaign advertising revenue if the media was honest about this election.

So we get to watch Trump's sexual predator admission get jammed down the memory hole then papered over with discussions of fake Clinton speech emails that don't mention they are fake.

But having just reviewed Clinton's proposed taxation policy and how the public subsidized low cost of living Brooks et al. enjoy will be under direct threat of imposed fairness, I understand why the media is more scared of Clinton than Trump.

stratocruiser said...

His threat to have Hillary jailed is the logical extension of his rhetoric. I saw it coming months ago. If he doesn't, the more conservative elements of his base will be...displeased. He will play the part of Barabbas himself.

tony in san diego said...

Sniff von Sniffington is too aristocratic...more like Sniffy MacSniffface. (3 Fs in a row!)

steeve said...

In the old days, it would remain "true" that trump did well in this debate. But now the public gets to bludgeon them within an inch of their life. That was an appalling moment for the media, even grading on the curve of appalling media moments. The media should be the entire story of this debate.

Hubert Vale said...

I am truly afraid for Hillary if she wins. Trumpistas will NOT go away quietly.

RUKidding said...

Trump played to his base hitting every low note in his tool box. I figure he went this route to rile up the morons to GOTV so that Trump's now inevitable defeat - to a vagina! - won't be a super landslide of epic fail magnitude. It's the only card that KKKreepy orange stalking KKKlown's got at this point.

Leo Knight said...

"As if they had already worked out in advance what the narrative was damn well gonna be regardless of the facts on the ground."

I'm shocked, shocked at the idea the media decide ahead of an event what the narrative will be. What a shocking new development. I've never, ever seen them do this before. Shocked!

Treebullit said...

hahahaha I love the Vince foster hand puppet joke

Redhand said...

I watched, horrified, as this monster threatened to investigate HRC criminally and "put her in jail." And he supposedly "staunched the bleeding" after this!?

What he did was reveal to the world that he is an out and out fascist and dictator-in-waiting. This was the most revolting and nauseating thing I've ever seen any presidential candidate say, ever, at least in the United States of America.

I recognize that it is the logical conclusion of the Nuremberg rally "put her in jail" howls of the mob at the Republican national convention, but it really does signal the final descent into madness of one of our political parties.

That this outrage has not been universally condemned by the "party establishment" confirms just how terminally ill the GOP is. The quicker it dies, the better.

Cugel said...

The media babbling heads have no idea until the polling and other talking heads tell them what to think or they get a memo from Phil Griffin as to what happened. So, they're trying to spin both sides. Only the polling in a few days will be clear enough. Trump lost. His base loved his performance, but they would have loved it more if he simply walked up to Hillary Clinton and punched her in the face and then danced around the stage with his arms in the air. The rest of American voters hated it.

Patrick D said...

"Trump lies in such vast and unprecedented ways, we need to find a vocabulary of bulk measurements. Metric tons. Board-feet."How about Multi Dimensional Fucktons(MDF), or Future Friedman Units(FFU), Multibank Circle Jerk(MCJ),or here come the Pigfucking Fascist Brigade(PFB). Thanks for the great writing Driftglass!!

dinthebeast said...

It was hard to watch, but I knew it would be. My take away? Trump wants to take my health insurance away. He stood up there and lied his ass off about the ACA, because that's Republican orthodoxy. So hopefully there are around 20 million others like me who see Trump as a threat to their actual existence. I have recent experience with health care post-ACA (cataract surgeries I couldn't have afforded without it) and experience pre-ACA (a stroke in 2008.) We do not want to go back to that system.

-Doug in Oakland

Kathleen O'Neill said...

Mainslime Media: "Well Chuck, he did not piss on Hillary while he was stalking her so Presidential! And win! And pivot!

David Pickering said...

Check out this little clip of Bob Schieffer from the CBS Post-Debate show last night. True to form, right near the end, Nora O'Donnell tries to flog the "both sides" dead horse for all its worth but Schieffer was having none of it.

jim said...

Thanks for watching "Wonk versus Douche 2: Electric Goosestep" so I don't have to.

Media shareholders must've shat themselves when the "we've already got two more tapes of this psycho ready to go" bomb dropped. Hey, guys, you still get to have your horse-race - but good luck hiding the fact that one of the horses is a blind amputee.

Last time, he waited 20 minutes to let his Freak Flag fly.
This time he out-nutjobbed himself during the pre-game show.

Prediction for Episode 3: Shows up naked & covered in Crisco, dares Clinton to rassle.

Bruce.desertrat said...

dinthebeast: "So hopefully there are around 20 million others like me who see Trump as a threat to their actual existence. "

Look at the example of Bevin in Kentucky:

Bevin: "If elected I shall take your health insurance away and leave you to die"

Kentucky Voters: "I like this guy, he ain't got not political correctness shit!"

dinthebeast said...

Bruce: We weren't going to win Kentucky anyway. Now Florida, North Carolina, Virginia and Pennsylvania might be a different story.

-Doug in Oakland

keith gargus said...

Awesome post, Driftglass. The etch-a-sketch graphic is simply the best.