Last night, after watching some of the run up to the Lowest Moment In American Politics (tm), and then about half an hour of white-hot nonsense from the orange fire demon, I had to step out for a bit. My stepdaughters and their friends needed to be picked pick up from a church function, then one of my a car full of giggly tweens was to to be dropped off at her home while the rest worked out the complex details of a sleepover.
It was a a cool, lovely evening, and very quiet on my street. No sign that just 90 minutes south of me a madman was stalking around on a stage in front of 80 million people, lying, raving, and promising to lock up his political opponents. I highly recommend this kind of sharp change in perspective for anyone who finds themselves being sucked into the whatever the Next Lowest Moment In American Politics (tm) will be.
As I worked to find music on the radio to meet everyone's needs (21 Pilots won. Sorry Johnny Cash: we wuz outnumbered) I wondered about November. No kidding. I did not inflict politics on the young ladies (OK, well I did a little, but very gingerly) but I was humbled by the idea that, in less than a month, we would be turning their futures over to either a capable, smart public servant who has worked her whole career to protect and defend girls like these, or a lying, racist lunatic who I wouldn't trust to be alone with these girls for five minutes.
Back at home, everyone safely where they needed to be, I watched the rest of the damn thing, including the post-debate coverage in which, within 20 seconds of this crime-scene being shut down and roped off, everyone from PBS to CNN to MSNBC were racing to declare it a tie and that Donald Trump had finally "stopped the bleeding". And I put "stopped the bleeding" in quotes because within moments pundits on CNN and PBS (David Brooks) were both using exactly this same phrase. As if they had already worked out in advance what the narrative was damn well gonna be regardless of the facts on the ground.
@jonfavs Yeah, and too many of them get paid a lot of money for it.— Joan Walsh (@joanwalsh) October 10, 2016
So for the record, here are my tweets on the Lincoln-Thuglas Debate, roughly in order and upgraded to more than 140 characters where I saw fit to do so:
Remember, in 2008 when Donald Trump thought the Clinton scandal was "totally unimportant". Good times!
Dyspeptic robot Hugh Hewitt horrified to discover the Republican party is full of Republicans. Noooooooo!Dyspeptic robot Hugh Hewitt shocked at this newly-discovered gag reflex. I'm sure that design flaw will be fixed in the new model.I'm watching Donald Trump morph into a living Breitbart comment thread live on teevee.Barack Obama's longest-lasting legacy may be causing the GOP to finally, completely lose its mind & commit public suicide.Millions of Americans cheer for this scumbag, the lower the better. They are manifestly unfit to be citizens of this country.Turns out that Trump's "debate prep" consists of dragging a $20 through a trailer park. Reagan must be so proud!From what ancient crypt did Gallup find "undecided" voters at this late date?The Sniff is Back!Sniff von Sniffington will Sniff America's Great Panties Again.Hillary is fact-shaming poor Sniff von Sniffington.The loser stink coming off Sniff von Sniffington is knocking satellites out of their orbit.Do NOT take a drink every time Sniff von Sniffington lie-sniffs uncontrollably. You'll be dead of alcohol poisoning in nine minutes.I think this is the moment when Sniff von Sniffington finally realized he is going to lose bigly. Fiery wreck bigly.Based on his uncontrollable sniffing, whatever gold-plated health insurance Sniff von Sniffington has must suck ass.Authentic gold-plated madman gibberish ladies and gentlemen. Sniff!So we're back to lying about Iraq. Great.Trump insists Hillary Clinton wants to deliberately import 1000s of terrorists as a "Trojan Horse".Trump is distilled asshole wingnut spite on two legs.Hillary Clinton is objectively pro-Lincoln.I pay taxes. Sniiiiiifffff. Millions and millions of sniiiiiiiffff taxes. But the IRS won't let me talk about it. Thanks Obama!The man who wants to be President brags that he "knows nothing about Russia. Nothing."Sniffy von Sniffington thinks senators have imperial magic powers.Now the moderator is having to take time to explain foreign policy 101 to this raving idiot. Not kidding.Sniffy von Sniffington promises to jail his opposition. Wow.Sniffy von Sniffington just called his running mate an idiot. Now is your moment Chris Christie!You built this fucker Hugh Hewitt, David Brooks, David Frum. All of you, look upon your mighty works and despair.But Sniff von Sniffington's supporters are deplorable. In fact, deplorable is the nicest thing I can think to call these meatheads.Sniff von Sniffington's "I never said "sex tape". You LITERALLY said "check out sex tape".Why oh why is Sniff von Sniffington' using the same defective sniff-producing microphone he bitched about during the last debate?National newspapers set to revive "bulldog editions" just to cover the sheer tonnage of lies that Trump shoveled out in 90 minutes.It's one thing to see someone set fire to their own dick on teevee. It's another to see him try to put it out with a claw hammer.Within 30 seconds of the end PBS, CNN and MSNBC pundits were repeating "stopped the bleeding" and "both sides".Watching the pundit class getting their stories straight. Sure, Trump is a banana republic racist who lies constantly, but this was his best debate evar! Also Hillary didn't incinerate him with her magic, imperial former senator powers, so y'know, basically a tie,To no one's surprise being a strutting, lying, fascist goon plays well with the GOP base.Get it through your heads: the GOP base WANTS a banana republic. They always have.This wasn't a debate. This was pure wingnut hateporn & the fact that the pig people jerked happily off to it doesn't mean Il Douche won.If Trump had tried to Gish Gallop his bullshit in any HS debate anywhere, he'd have been perp walked out immediately, expelled and his school disqualified until the end of time.Trump lies in such vast and unprecedented ways, we need to find a vocabulary of bulk measurements. Metric tons. Board-feet.
Also Hillary Clinton is the "devil" with "hate in her heart".
Also the moderators were Liberals media plants who were conspiring against him.
Eighty Sniffs, One Cup.
Trump emptied the entire contents of every deranged ALL CAPS email I have ever gotten from Crazy Uncle Liberty onto the floor in front of 80 million people, and this morning paid Trump stooges like Kellyanne Conway and voluntary Trump stooges like Joe Scarborough were giddy that Don the Con had done so great!
From my perceptive -- a permanently underemployed, church-going, middle-aged husband and stepdad living on a quiet street in the middle of middle America -- their revels look a lot like this:
Based on Trump's trajectory, expect him to show up to the third debate with a Vince Foster hand-puppet and stalk the stage sniffing and croaking,"Oh Hillary, why did you kiiiill meeeeeee".
And expect the Beltway media to declare the results to be "too close to call".