Winos Directing Traffic Edition.
Mark Halperin, Hugh Hewitt, Rudy Giuliani, Matthew Dowd and Cokie Roberts are not just The Five People You Will Definitely Not Meet In Heaven.
No, if they were five leftovers you found in your fridge, you would be grabbing a HazMat suit, a cold chisel and a burn-bag, If these were five symptoms your doc discovered during your checkup, she would be recommending a grief counselor and some alternative medicine folks she knows, that she can't exactly approve of, but who are doing some interesting things with directed prayer and beer spas.
But instead, these were just some of the more prominent ambulatory human disasters that littered the media hellscape that was the Sunday Showz.
On "This Week With...Whoever Drew The Short Straw" there was a lively exchange of views between Martha Raddatz and the Emperor of 9/11, Rudy Guiliani, which went something like this.
RADDATZ: Donald Trump really stepped on his dick this week.GIULIANI: Hillary Clinton is an ax murderer!RADDATZ: OK, but what I was asking was...GIULIANI: She's an unhinged serial killer! She'll butcher us all in our sleep!RADDATZ: Let's go back to Donald Trump for a moment...GIULIANI: Benghaaaazi! Wake up white people!
And so forth.
Born-Again "Independent" (a fancy Conservative word for "opportunist") Matthew Dowd was out there getting paid to do the only thing he ever does -- claiming that Trump is some kind of Black Swan event that has nothing to do with the inherent character of the bigoted shitpile party that people like Matthew Dowd spent their life building (actual transcript) --
DOWD: [The Republican Party has] been hostilely taken over by Donald Trump. There is no national Republican Party anymore.
-- and blaming Both Sides --
DOWD: Listen, there's an understanding of why they're going to Trump, right. They've been lied to and misled by both political parties. ... For 40 years they've seen no increase in their pay, for 40 years -- through Democratic and Republican administrations.
-- while conveniently ignoring the fact that, even as Democrats have been forced over and over again to fight the savagery, sabotage and sedition of the bigoted shitpile party in order to get anything done, ordinary Americans still tend to do much better under Democrats than under the bigoted shitpile party.
Also it sure as hell sounded like Matthew Dowd -- the architect of George W. Bush's 2004 re-election campaign -- was suggesting that former Bushies who helped fuck things up so badly in this here Land of the Frees and who are now endorsing Clinton should maybe consider shutting their collective pie-holes for the duration (actual transcript):
DOWD: I have to say it's a little -- Mike Morell and some of the former Bushes who got us involved in the Iraq War, and Mike Morell who actually apologized to Colin Powell for false information, an Iraq War that cost of thousands of lives and trillions of dollars and who actually defended torture, for him to criticize Donald Trump as being unfit from some of the serious errors we've made, I think they ought to just stand down a little bit on that.
Which is genuinely hilarious, and I'm sure Ms. Raddatz would have followed up further on Mr. Dowd's jaw-dropping hypocrisy, but...
RADDATZ: And we're going leave it there. We're going to leave it there. You guys take it out in the green room.
Too bad. Sooo close.
Meanwhile. moments earlier while digging through her capacious purse, Cokie Roberts found a wad of tissues from that time she was at that show, a loose Chiclet, keys to a 1971 Chrysler Valiant and -- Eureka! -- a sack of half-eaten cliches that were still perfectly good that she generously shared with the other panelists:
ROBERTS: ... But I think that Trump can bring it back around. A couple of things can happen. Events can happen in the course of the campaign that bring people to him. She can make blunders that can bring people to him. And the debates can make a difference.
Also the Trump campaign is not looking ahead on the schedule, but taking it one day at a time.
Giving it 110%.
And they couldn't have made it this far this without the Lord above, their faith in Jesus, and Mom.
You know, teams win championships.
And they have the best darn fans in the world and they don't care who knows it!
And at the end of the day, it is what it is.
"Meet the Press" shoulda stood in bed. Tucked away under the long shadow of the Olympics, nobody cared what Hugh Hewitt and Mark Halperin had to say about the loose meat sandwich of August poll numbers and horse race gabble. However, if there was one standout, it was Joy-Ann Reid who was able to efficiently encapsulate the slow rolling Trumpocalypse as follows:
JOY-ANN REID: But how does a 70 year old man change his entire personality? How does he change his temperament? He's 70 years old. This is who he is. He's not pretending to be this way, he actually is this way. You can't change your fundamental nature.
And speaking of Ms. Reid, the only thing that was really worth seeing this weekend on public affairs teevee was her taking Official Trump Surrogate and 3rd-rate Paulie Walnuts caricature, Carl Paladino, out for a ride.
The thing is, this is all really, really simple and everyone who participates in these Sunday Morning puppet shows knows it.
They're just forbidden by a Higher Power to say it.
The Right has spent 25 years and billions of dollars manufacturing an electoral Doomsday Machine with no "off" switch.
The Left has spent those 25 years telling anyone who would listen (nobody listened) that this was a really horrible idea, that the Right was playing with dark and primal forces which they would never be able to control, and that one day the damn thing would kill us all.
The Center and the mainstream media spent most of those 25 years mocking and marginalizing the Left and helping the Right pretend that no such bigot-and-Bible-powered Doomsday Machine existed at all.
Well, now the Doomsday Machine which the Right built, the Center and the media lied about and the Left warned against is operating at peak efficiency. But instead of incinerating Evil Liberals, it is indiscriminately destroying anything in its path, while the bigots and imbeciles and various other Conservative Pakleds who operate the thing --
-- whoop and holler and high-five each other.
Trump is not the problem. The Republican party functioning exactly as intended is the problem. This is the single most important story in American politics, which is why no one in the media will touch it with a barge pole.
Ah well. As we on the Left know, twas ever thus.
Calling us unpatriotic? 59 districts not one Romney vote. So you are voting for the liar HRC. Did DNC hurt Bernie? https://t.co/Wuf5Sv9nCR— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) August 7, 2016
-- like Richard Pryor's wino on Sunday morning (Very, Very Not Safe for Work):