Thursday, May 26, 2016

Help Me, Obi-Wan Mittromney. You're My Only Hope.

The tiny, hysterical hologram of Jennifer Rubin appears on the kitchen table where the Romneys are each enjoying a refreshing glass of orange juice.

"Mitt," hologram Jennifer Rubin wheedles, "I don't want to hear any more excuses."

From the Washington Post:
Romney has no more excuses

By Jennifer Rubin May 26 at 11:55 AM
See?  What'd I tell you.

Hologram Jennifer Rubin explains how Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are both exactly, equally unfit for The Highest Office In The Land:
Like dinner guests in a murder mystery, potential candidates for a third-party run for president have disappeared one by one. Their reticence to run seems inversely proportionate to the growing need for an alternative to Hillary Clinton (who cannot be counted on to follow clearly articulated rules designed to protect national security nor to tell a straight story when caught) and to Donald Trump, who seems less fit to serve with each outburst, new conspiracy theory and lie.

Without a center-right alternative, America, at a critical juncture, will be stuck with one of two exceptionally flawed candidates, either one of which would easily make the Top 10 in the list of “worst nominees of a major party.”

To be blunt, anyone able to articulate a complete sentence, have a working understanding of the Constitution and major policy issues and not be a complete scoundrel would be an improvement over the two major party nominees. Romney is a composite of Albert Schweitzer and Winston Churchill compared with Trump or Clinton.
"Should we offer it some orange juice or something?" Ann Romney whispers to Mittens.

Mittens shakes his head.

"No more excuses, Mitt!" hologram Jennifer Rubin exhorts.
Romney reportedly is exceptionally reluctant, maybe even firmly opposed to a run. With each passing week, however, his reasons for not running evaporate.
"This is our most desperate hour," hologram Jennifer Rubin concludes. "Help me, Obi-Wan Mittromney. You're my only hope."
Romney may have other concerns about a presidential run, but given how serious the challenges the country faces are and how dismal the current choice for president is, do those concerns really override the opportunity to rescue the country from the dreaded Clinton vs. Trump face-off?
Hologram Jennifer Rubin vanishes.  Once again the Romney household is quiet.

Ann Romney looks around the kitchen.

"Who the hell is Jennifer Rubin?" she asks.

"I haven't the slightest idea," Mittens replies.


Green Eagle said...

Donald Trump, and the Republicans' 25 year long malignant fantasy about Hillary Clinton, are both equally unsuitable to be President. Two candidates brought to us by the Republican party. I guess there's nobody left but the real Hillary.

dinthebeast said...

How absolutely lucky of Willard to not know who Jennifer Rubin is, would that I could re-achieve that state of serenity...

-Doug in Oakkland

Jimbo said...

Someone needs to tell poor Jen and the Third Way zombies that the U.S. has a two-party, first past the post electoral system not a proportional representation system. But even if we did have PR, the US doesn't allow for multiple rounds of Presidential voting (if no one gets a clear majority), as they do in France, say, so third parties never have any chance in this country when it comes to the Presidency.

Neo Tuxedo said...

...Green Eagle, I have a pair of tags on Tumblr (where I'm known as aberrant-eyes) that says everything I could possibly need to say if I were to reblog your comment:

#so dropped the mic #and the countryside did shake with that thunder

lostnacfgop said...

Has anyone ever seen "Ms. Rubin" and Doughy Pantsload Jonah together in the same room? Just asking the question . . .

RUKidding said...

Isn't that precious? When Lord & Lady Muckity Muck ran for Pres/First Lady, the Ds pointed out how "godly" Mittens had used Bain (such a good businessman!) to rob the proles of jobs, while making out like the bandit that he is. Then Lord Mittens was busted with that tape where he resoundingly dissed teh poorz - many of whom were in that category due specifically to RMoney - for not paying enough FEDERAL taxes, the lucky duckies!!

We on the so-called left gaped in wonder that the rightwing rubes could be conned, yet again, to vote for someone as disdainful of them as robber baron RMoney. Well there you go. He lost to the CommieMarxistKenyan Usurper, and now we see the rise of Trump.

Trump's just as BAD as RMoney, if not worse, for the proles. But Trump isn't that dumb. He figured out a new way to con the rubes into believing - against all factual evidence - that he, Trump, is "on their side" and will "do something" for them.

In truth, I get why these losers are so eager to cling and grasp to their new Lord and Master. After all, they've been kicked around and screwed over by conservative politics and politicians for decades. So the rubes kinda-sorta woke up, looked at the pathetic KKKlown KKKar and said: enough of this bullshit.

Of course, they're still too brainwashed to grasp the salient fact that Trump won't do a damn thing to make their lives better. All they get out of this shitshow is to be able to be out loud with their nasty, venal, racist, sexist, homophobic bigotry. I guess it feels good or something, but here's a clue: it's not going to pay the mortgage or put food on your table.

Appealing to Obi Wan RMoney is a laff riot. After the Trumpinator, these rubes ain't buying that crap anymore. But hey: you go, grrrl.

Chan Kobun said...

We on the so-called left gaped in wonder that the rightwing rubes could be conned, yet again, to vote for someone as disdainful of them as robber baron RMoney.

Speak for yourself! I had and have no faith in Rs to nominate decent human beings for any position. Being a psychotic bigot who worships guns, money, and power is a prerequisite to running as an R for any position more influential than dog catcher.