Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Kathleen Parker And The Dead Parrot Of Rational Conservatism


If you are like most Americans, you have no idea who Kathleen Parker is. But if you remember her at all, it's probably because once upon a time she said a mean thing about Sarah Palin. And when that happened...
...Ms. Parker, you might remember, achieved brief fame outside the wingnut Thunderdome a few years ago when, after an entire career spent lobbing red meat to violently insane bitey-bitey Conservative zombies, was suddenly and hilariously shocked!shocked! to discover after a less-than-supporting column about Sarah Palin that her readers were not just violently insane bitey-bitey Conservative zombies, but  violently insane bitey-bitey Conservative zombies who super-duper luuurved them some Sarah Palin:
Allow me to introduce myself. I am a traitor and an idiot. Also, my mother should have aborted me and left me in a dumpster, but since she didn’t, I should "off" myself.
...

After 20 years of column writing, I’m familiar with angry mail. But the past few days have produced responses of a different order. Not just angry, but vicious and threatening
Happily, Ms. Parker recovered from her brief collision with reality and has managed by dint of sheer, batshit talking point repetition to slither back into the good graces of violently insane bitey-bitey Conservative zombie crowd with verbal junk food...

Well, Ms. Parker has once again fallen out of love with the bitey-bitey Conservative zombie crowd whose existence has paid for her hearth and home for lo these many years.  In fact she is so concerned with their hijinx and shenanigans and monkeyshines and whatnot that she wrote an entire column for an American newspaper today expressing her worry that if  their hijinx and shenanigans and monkeyshines (and whatnot!) goes on too much longer, "rational conservatism" may eventually be in big trouble!
Kathleen Parker: Cretins and squirrel heads
...
Why would any candidate align himself with the sort of ignorance that prompts someone to carry a sign comparing the U.S. Supreme Court to the Islamic State? Because stupid sells, apparently. But party members and candidates who understand the distinctions in this and other instances have a duty to challenge erroneous representations when they are made, not with bland dispassion but with outrage equal to the offense. Otherwise, they are complicit in the eventual demise of rational conservatism.
Imagine a carrion beetle.  Now imagine that carrion beetle taking a break from its dinner long enough to write a column for the Washington Post explaining that the corpse on which it has been supping for decades isn't really a corpse at all.  In fact, it's still alive and kicking, but if someone doesn't Take Steps pretty soon, maybe one day in the distant future, that corpse really will be dead, dead, dead!

And what'll we have for dinner then, huh?

After which the carrion beetle toddles back to the dining room for the second course.

Sorry, Ms. Parker, but "rational conservatism" wouldn't 'voom' if you put 4,000 volts through it.

And you damn well know it.


5 comments:

Unknown said...

"Eventual demise of rational conservatism"

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahahahahahaha.

[takes breath] Rational conservatism?

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha.

Wait, she was serious?

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha.

dinthebeast said...

When she says "rational" she is perhaps referring to the bat-to-shit ratio in their insanity? Or perhaps we're supposed to hear it as "Quack! Quack! Quack!" and disregard it as just another example of duckspeak? Must be hard to have a job like hers...


-Doug in Oakland

Robt said...

Well you know,
it pays very well to be a Conservative media leg humper.

Old saying,

* Give a republican a fish,

and he will think he he is Admiral Chester Nimitz.

* Give a republican inheritance baby a TV show,

And he will run for the presidential nomination of the republican party

Kathleen O'Neill said...

@dinthebeast

Yes. "Conservative" Concern Punditing is harrrrrd work.

bowtiejack said...

Could we just be clear here? Conservatism is about maintaining hierarchy ("I got mine, fck you!") and its enabling courtiers/sycophants/wannabees (Kathleen Parker, Brooksie and the rest of the Beltway/Fox universe). Rationality has no more to do with it than it does a meth-fueled rave party. Ah, but they're finding that out now!