In the Lair of the Hair (Early Saturday) Edition.
Last week we noted how, in his first outing as the host of CBS's, "Face the Nation", John Dickerson successfully augered that vintage airship smack into the side of Both Siderist Mountain over and over and over again.
So everything according to plan.
Well this week, CNN (Motto: "Fox-lite...but with holograms") is also rotating it's Sunday morning on-camera stock and putting Mr. Jake Tapper in the Big Chair. And as turns out, nobody loves them some Tappioca as hard as the fan boys at the Breitbart Collective Farm and Ouija Board Outlet Mall.
And that's not just some crazy Liberal conspiracy mongering like "Barack Obama was born in Murrica" and "The Iraq War was a shitty idea", neither. No sir! Mr. Tapper sat down with a chekist from the Collective who confided that Jake was, in fact, one of the verwy, vewy few good ones out there:
BNN: ...hosts, like you and Chuck Todd, are the best political minds out there...
Tapper: We both know there are people in the media who like to set traps for politicians — especially for Republican politicians, specifically conservative Republican politicians. I’m not one of them. I’m not out to get anyone.BNN: I’m talking about the media in general, not you.
BNN: But also a truthful way. And sometimes the truth, or what might be the truth, or one line of thought, is at odds with the entire left-wing infrastructure that is allowed by the media to decide what bigotry and discrimination is.
Tapper: I’m not afraid to bump up against those folks.
BNN: No you are not. And to be clear, I’m talking about the media at large, not you...
BNN: Nothing is going to change until the media is completely and utterly defeated by any truthful means necessary. For more than a decade, Brent Bozell and the Media Research Center were out there, Bernie Goldberg was out there, both being respectful and reasonable. When the Internet first came of age, we all assumed that would be the perfect tool to point out the media’s biases. Stupidly, some of us assumed that was all it would take. We assumed that once we pointed these biases out, the media would be shamed into or convinced to change. These are reasonable people who want to viewed professionally, right? Wrong.And what happened?The media is more partisan now than before. A lot more partisan. Moreover, the media is more unified in that partisanship than ever before, especially when it comes to their daily narratives. You say the media’s not the Borg-Collective, but day after day, everyone in the media talks about the exact same stories in the exact same ways.Granted, there are notable exceptions like yourself and a few others, but you are exceptions that prove the rule...
Not you, beloved Jake! Never you!
See, now that wealthy news reading man and famous Fox News pro bono public defender, will be taking over the stick at one of the Sunday Morning Gasbag Escadrille's lesser dirigibles, he needs to promote his rilly big shew. Which. for Mr. Tapper, means spelunking the very bottom of the cave in which the Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair* dwells, and wading through chin-deep wingnut guano so he can retail Tapper's Theory of Journalism --
Tapper: ... As a journalist, broadcaster, and person, I embrace all ideas. Yours, and people who disagree with you. And that openness is what I want to bring to the show.
-- to the Common Folk.
Because when your livelihood is slinging news-flavored snake oil, any crowd will do:
Tapper: ... We want the smart people who read Breitbart and Daily Kos and Politico and The Weekly Standard to tune in.
So besides the aforementioned dog's breakfast about nature's noblemen like Brent Bozell and Bernie Goldberg being cruelly thwarted in their effort to bring down the Vast Liberal Media Conspiracy with their Flaming Swords of Politeness, what are some of other "embracable" ideas at which teevee's Jake Tapper did not laugh until he peed himself?
Funny you should ask...
BNN: There is a valid opinion in the scientific community that says that people who want to switch genders are mentally ill. Legitimate people who have studied this, say that a sex change oftentimes results in a higher suicide rate and more overall misery.And I see a media that is only interested in pretending that this is another civil rights movement, primarily so they can lay traps for conservatives, when the truth might be that what the media is promoting and normalizing could be self-destructive behavior.
BNN: ... We’re seeing the media treat Christianity as de facto hate speech simply because, like most sexual behavior, homosexuality is a sin.
BNN: Okay, but with all the MSM reporters based in DC, and all the rumors swirling for years around the Clinton Foundation, and all the reporters assigned to cover Ms. Clinton, why did it take a conservative outsider like Peter Schweizer to connect these dots?For years all this questionable stuff at the Clinton Foundation went on right under the DC press corps nose — the same press corps that found Rick Perry’s 25 year-old rock, the jewelry purchases of Jeb Bush’s wife, Mitt Romney’s 50 year-old haircut, Marco Rubio’s wife’s traffic tickets…Can you understand that things like this only make us believe that the media is primarily a political outlet protecting Democrats and attacking Republicans?
BNN: ...the media does not want the truth enough about the Clinton Foundation that they are willing to call for a Justice Department investigation. If the choice is between uncovering the full truth and a Republican president, the media is going to say, “You know what, we don’t want the truth that bad.”
BNN: Is there a legitimate journalistic reason the media’s not covering President Clinton’s relationship with convicted pedophile Jeffrey Epstein? Are those of us on the right missing something? Because we smell yet another double-standard media cover-up — another, “If this were a Republican…”
BNN: I’m sorry but when it comes to the media “reasonable” has been tried, and it’s gotten us nowhere. The media are waging war on us so it’s got to be all out war in response.
*Longtime readers know that "The Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair" is my shorthand for inbred Conservative meatsticks who have wallowed in wingnut Hate Radio racist dung and Fox News Liberal Conspiracy claptrap for so long that is has become the quotidian argot of their wretched lives. It is their tavern-talk -- their worst, paranoid delusions, externalized, validated, tarted up as The Unvarnished Truth and then regurgitated back to them by ghouls and treason-mongers like Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly... which are, in turn, passed around again like so many fish stories, getting bigger and wilder and truthier with iteration.
But where you or I see raving, bunker-dwelling goofballs whose toxic idiocy is laying waste to this country, wealthy news reading man and famous Fox News pro bono public defender, Jake Tapper, sees potential customers in an untapped market.
And that is the end of the news...