Tuesday, January 06, 2015

The Greatest Trick The Devil Ever Pulled

Was getting Jonah Goldberg a syndicated column.

From which -- week after week -- Doughy Pantload goes about the tedious business of writing one terrible column after another trying to convince the world that the entire sounder of Gadarene Conservative swine simply do not exist.

This week, Conservatives aren't loathsome monsters who have been fucking the country sideways for decades.

Because George Soros!

Also, we are in absolutely no danger of encroaching Conservative plutocrat tyranny because at the moment we're not living under Conservative plutocrat tyranny.  By which logic, in October, 1937 Spain was in absolutely no danger of falling to the fascists because October, 1937 Spain had not yet fallen to the fascists.

And speaking of logic, while it is possible that Mr. Pantload may skipped over one or two of your more obscure stupids at the Logical Fallacy Buffet, he certainly larded up his tray with everything other idiotic argument his idiotic premise --
Newspapers Barack Obama Michael Bloomberg David Koch Sheldon Adelson
Truth is, there's no one behind the wheel
-- would bear.

Here is a sampler:
You see, no one is running the country.

In recent years, I've had the good fortune to get to know some famous .001-percenters. Guess what? Not only do they not run the country, but they're often desperate to find out who does.

For instance, listening to the Democratic Party or, say, the editors of the New York Times (tomayto-tomahto, I know), you'd think the Koch brothers owned America. Of course, if they did, they wouldn't be spending so much money on elections, would they? Also, if the Kochs were half as evil and powerful as some claim, nobody would be criticizing them.

The more extreme expressions of this cognitive reflex take many forms, whether anti-Semitic (Who benefits? The Jews!) or Marxist (Who benefits? The ruling classes!) or comedic ("Colonel Sanders with his wee beady eyes!").

Today, on the left, such thinking has become institutionalized. When the champions of social justice can't find an actual culprit, the villain becomes systemic racism or sexism or white privilege.
But for me the funniest part of Mr. Pantload's waste of pixels was this:
You can write to him in care of this newspaper or by e-mail at goldbergcolumn@gmail.com, or via Twitter @JonahNRO.
You see, I have followed SeƱor Pantload.

I even "wrote to him in care of" his Twitter handle back when he and Byron York (Chief political correspondent, Washington Examiner, Fox News contributor, author of The Vast Left Wing Conspiracy) were sharing a hearty tweet-laff over how awful Ron Reagan Jr. was for not worshiping his father in a manner sufficiently idolatrous to meet the exacting standards of giddy, Reagan-fetishizing neocon chickenhawks.

It did not end well.

Because as one of God's special little creatures, Jonah is a person of very tender sensibilities


Pagan in repose said...


Fine work!

Reprobating low buffoonery at its best. And Pandload is the lowest of low buffoonery and should be reprobated at all times.

That is, I mean to say, he is a buffoon and a reprobate, and deserving of being reprobated as a buffoon.

One might even say he is a Pantload of Buttfoonery because he gives average buffoonery a bad name.

Peace and goovitude, as a friend of mine frequently says.

Pagan in repose

Green Eagle said...

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was getting a semen-stained dress to Jonah Goldberg's mother. Without that, we would have never heard of either of them.