Monday, September 08, 2014

Everyone Knows It's Windy

As I have written many times before, to be a Conservative in America is to live like a junkie -- to exist in a perpetual state of enraged frustration suspended between the lie you are telling yourself to make it through today and the lie your are going to have to start telling yourself first thing tomorrow.
The last lie a junkie tells himself isn't "I’m not an addict."

The last lie a junkie tells himself is "My being a addict doesn't matter."

And in the Conservative Crack House of Many Doors, Ronald Reagan was that first cocktail. The first line of coke. The first needle. The first "Holy Mother of God!” WOWGASM that shotguns right through the blood/brain barrier, reformats your entire ethical hard drive, and scrimshaws a brand new Prime Directive on the inside of your skull.

Listen to any aging wingnut sighing and jerking sadly off to a tattered photo of Saint Ronnie -- despite the fact that the catastrophes we are now reaping were sown by his ruinous ideology -- and you can hear every addict who ever lived pining for that first Perfect High. The one they spend the rest of their days chasing, regardless of the size of the debts they run up or the ruined lives they leave in their wake.

Clinton? Objectively, Clinton qualifies as the greatest Center/Right President in history, and with balanced budgets, GATT, welfare reform, NAFTA, DOMA, record surpluses, foreign and domestic terrorists brought to book, and an actual military victory, he arguably delivered to the wingnuts more of everything they ever said they wanted than anyone else.

And they hated him for it.


Because Clinton was mere addiction maintenance delivered in measured doses under adult supervision: all policy-wonk that wasn’t cut with that industrial-waste-grade bigoted, psychotic bloodlust that gives Conservatism its wild, freebasing edge. Clinton was methadone, and for the hardcore lifestyle junkie, that shit is for babies.

And Dubya? Dubya was meth with a ketamine chaser delivered hammer-and-anvil directly to the lizard brain...
And because Conservatism in America can no longer function without a steady supply of lies, as the half-life of individual Conservative lies has gotten shorter and shorter, ever more productive energy must be devoted to the creation and distribution of new Conservative lies.

Which is, I suppose, from the perspective of watching the wingnut Ouroboros swallow itself faster and faster, a form of good news.

The bad news is, as Conservatism has sunk every deeper into a pit if its own filth and depravity, Conservatives have, to quote Jesse Pinkman, become "...the least picky customers ever".  Breeding a species of Conservatives who would willingly wade through a lake of human shit up to their lips for a new Bengahaaaazi fix has made the Fox News/Hate Radio lie production process progressively easier because quality control and consistency are no longer necessary.

The Conservative Brain Caste business model is now (Pinkman again): "We make poison for people who don't care."

And, as Fox News host Andrea Tantaros demonstrates, business is good:
Fox Host On Alleged Ray Rice Video: Why Won't Obama Lead?

Fox News host Andrea Tantaros wasted no time during Monday's episode of "Outnumbered" directing anger at President Obama and the Democrats over a video reportedly showing NFL star Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee in an elevator.

"I wanna know, where is the President on this one?" Tantaros asked, after a brief throat-clearing about the NFL's obligation to react to the tape.

"My question is — and not to bring it back to politics but — this is a White House that seems to bring up a 'war on women' every other week. A White House that's very concerned about the NFL, concussions, etc., prescription drugs in locker rooms," she said.

Tantaros went on to demand action from Democratic National Committee Chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL). The host also used the chance to blast Wasserman-Schultz for recently saying that Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) has given women "the back of his hand," a remark for which the DNC chair later apologized.

"Debbie Wasserman-Schultz should come out and condemn this, and if she doesn't, she's an apologist for domestic violence," the Fox host said...
People who already control the House of Representatives and are poised to turn the United States Senate into Ted Cruz's 3D House of Impeachment in two months are the same brainwashed meatsticks who think inflatable news pleasure modules like Andrea Tantaros  make damn good sense.

And everyone knows it.


Pinkamena said...

"Debbie Wasserman-Schultz should come out and condemn this, and if she doesn't, she's an apologist for domestic violence," the Fox host said...

I apologize, because I've said this before, and I'm repeating it for the benefit of anyone who might be reading that didn't catch it the first time.

When you hear a right-winger say something like this - something they blatantly stole from someone on the left using it effectively against some scumfuck righty - it doesn't help to think of them as a panicky, flailing, desperate person stuck on the defensive. (They usually are, but that's not the point.)

Instead, think of them as a character. Specifically, think of them as some wide-eyed na$iuml;f character who learns a Word You Can't Say On Television from some authority figure in their life. This is a situation that happens in cartoons quite frequently, but also happens in live-action sitcoms... and real life, as the parents in the audience can surely attest. (Example: In the episode Sailor Mouth, Spongebob learns a WYCSOTV off a dumpster behind the Krusty Krab.) "Gosh," the character says, "what a great word! It's just so useful! Why did they never teach me this word in school?" So the little moppet uses the WYCSOTV frequently, in every situation, and seems puzzled when adults are scandalized. "But why do they think it's bad? I mean, I'm just using it like they do!"

The two main differences between these episodes and the reality in which we live: 1. The only people scandalized by these terms are right-wingers who can't stand their flaws being pointed out, again and again and again, and 2. There exists no entity in this country that has both the will and the authority to sit our darling little RWNJ children down and explain to them, as an authority figure always does in these situations on TV, that there is a time and place for these words to be used. In a perfect world, our media would take up that job, but we don't live in a perfect world, do we?

Thus do our own little Spongebobs continue willfully and gleefully using the WYCSOTV they picked up in conversation with the saner part of our country, never being told that they're making a spectacle of themselves in polite company.

TL;DR version: *dolphin noise* 'em.

Pinkamena said...

Shit, looks like I stepped in it on the HTML there. Would it be too much to ask for a fix on "na$iuml;f "? That $ is supposed to be a & and thus it's supposed to stick in an i with an umlaut/diaresis. In my defense, I worked, and I walked home, and I'm tired.

JerryB said...

And EVERYONE knows it and no one does shit about it and in the meantime the rest of us are left out here to rot....

"and the band played on"

Anonymous said...

Great addict metaphor for Republicans. I'd heard it before from you and others but I don't think I'd gotten such a vivid and acute sense of the relationship between the 'rush' of Reaganism that can only be somewhat buoyed by Clinton's years then the tweaker freakout dosage of W. Now coming back to sober life for Republicans isn't even on their radar because they're in the middle of a full blown drug addicted fever dream. Good stuff if completely and utterly depressing.

Frank Stone said...

"...and not to bring it back to politics but..."

Well, if that isn't laugh-out-loud hilarious.

Sure, Andy -- keep telling yourself that every gobbet of drivel that spills from your lips doesn't begin and end with politics.

n1ck said...


I love when you're able to give a great analogy of conservatism itself, its effect on the country, and the people who espouse the toxic views.

Between this addiction analogy/metaphor and the Bobo coolant, you've fucking nailed it. Over and over and over again.