Longtime readers know that, ever since the collapse of the very profitable "Blame The Hippies for Bad News About Iraq" scam, David Brooks has scrambled to make himself the master of the "Both Sides Do It" scam.
And honestly, while there are a lot of contenders for the title clogging up our national arteries, no one does it better than Brooks.
Over the last decade, on issue after issue, Mr. Brooks has maintained such a monomaniacal fealty to bisecting every single fucking issue no matter what into two-sides, both equally wrong, that his "style" is now so far beyond predictable...so far beyond parody...that it has become a recognizable form of mental illness...
...you too can learn to write a New York Times Opinion Page Editorial just like America's Last Reasonable Conservative, David Brooks!From child sexual assault, to partisan gridlock, to the war in Iraq --
In just 10 Easy Steps you'll be punditting like a pro!
1) Pick a subject. Any subject. From Tasseled Loafers to Torture, it literally does not matter.Long ago this stopped being a "style", and started being a fetish, Mr. Brooks
2) Quote extensively from one person or group on the subject. It's OK to just more-or-less copy and paste in big hunks of what whatever-you-happen-to-be-reading-at-the-moment to flesh out your 800-word column. Here at the Times we call that "research"!
3) Quote from some other person or group on the same subject who appears to hold a different opinion. If no actual opposition exists, just put on your Magic Green Jacket and invent an opposing opinion.
4) Although such is not the case with today's subject, as often as possible, try to impute these fictional distinctions to the different hemispheres of the political Universe. So no matter how bigoted, reckless or just bugfuck crazy the Right behaves, you just go right ahead and blandly assert with no supporting evidence whatsoever that the Left is equally and oppositely bad in exactly the same qualities and quantities. Here at the Times we call that "seriousness"!
5) Discover in your final paragraph or two that -- amazingly! -- the precise midpoint between those two completely artificial positions on an imaginary spectrum just happens to be exactly the Right and Reasonable answer!
6) Rinse and repeat. No matter what the subject, no matter how false or bizarre the equivalence, just rinse and repeat. Twice a week.
7) Every week.
9) After year.
10) After year.
It's called "Asymmetriphobia": a horror of asymmetrical things.
The Fog Over Iraq-- David Brooks has methodically remade his career into a game of mindlessly parsing every single fucking issue into two sides.
By DAVID BROOKS
Published: January 11, 2007
If the Democrats don’t like the U.S. policy on Iraq over the next six months, they have themselves partly to blame. There were millions of disaffected Republicans and independents ready to coalesce around some alternative way forward, but the Democrats never came up with anything remotely serious...
Both equally wrong.
Except, as it turns out, this is not 100% true. There is, in fact, one issue on which David Brooks comes down squarely on the "One Side Right/ One Side Wrong" camp.
And that one issue is... (emphasis added):
HARI SREENIVASAN: What about his idea that the power of social media affecting perception? Has the political perception about this conflict shifted at all with the onslaught of images that we have all seen, whether it’s from one side or the other?DAVID BROOKS: Right.
Well, clearly, if you — if you measure things by body counts, then Israel has killed more, and so they look more vicious. And the people who are inclined to think poorly of Israel are hopping on that. I guess I’m more inclined to think positively of Israel. And I would say the moral calculus is not particularly even, that Hamas — and there’s been tons of media reporting on this — has put the site of the origin of the tunnels under hospitals in a dense residential area.The missiles are being shot from dense residential areas. They’re inviting civilian casualties by what is clearly an immoral way of waging war, and that they’re — if you take into account, the moral calculus is uneven.Is that the calculus that is accepted in the European press? No, of course not. And so Israel has faced this barrage of criticism, not from the American administration and not from some of the surprising people in the region, as I mentioned, Egypt and Saudi Arabia, among others.But, at some point, you can’t govern by popularity. If you have got people mis — bombing you, if you have got all these missiles which cost a million dollars each to build, you have simply got to take care of those tunnels...