Friday, September 28, 2012

The Gingrich Rules, Ctd

Remain in effect.

Regular readers will already be familiar with the Gingrich Rules to the point of tedium:

In the game of professional punditry there also clearly exists a special set of rules designed with one person on mind.  Or, rather, one sort of person: Conservatism's parade of bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting bottom feeders.  That breed which makes their daily bread from grifting the Pig People by generating an endless flood of books, magazine articles, broadcasts, speeches and videos all telling the GOP base over and over again that their bigotries are noble and their paranoia is patriotic. 
Of course, part of the downside of wallowing in the wingnut sewer and trafficking in slander and lies is that, sooner or later, you become a toxic mess.  Your stink becomes unacceptable to the general public, which s where the Sunday morning talk shows -- the Mouse Circus -- comes in.   Because despite having long ago devolved into a sinkhole of Beltway centrist twaddle, it is still viewed by altogether too many people as a bastion of Very Serious people -- it's the strip-mall of political opinion where casual shoppers go to feel smart and validated.

And so a bargain is struck; the bottom feeders deliver a temporary hike in the only thing these show's owners really care about -- audience share -- and, in exchange for being teevee friendly and keeping the worst of their batshit crazy on a leash for a few minutes, their Mouse Circus deburrs the bottom feeders' public image, replates and burnishes their credibility and temporarily transfuses them with Seriousness, which can then be redeemed at ten times its face value back among the Pig People.

And in the key to that bargain we find "The Gingrich Rules":


an agreement that the moderator will never, ever ask the bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting goon sitting directly across from them a single question about their bomb-throwing, hate-mongering or race-baiting activities.  Instead they will be represented to the public merely as a Conservative commentator or talk radio host or pundit who, at worst, might be known for some "controversial" opinions, which the moderator will never bother to explicate.  *

This week -- fulfilling the darkest predictions of Mayan priests of prophecy -- the Definer Of Civilization's Rules And Leader (Perhaps) Of The Civilizing Forces) and will manifest himself on the physical plane long enough to have his professional reputation cleaned, blocked, deburred and re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-rehabilitated,       this time by Grandpa Bob Schieffer on his #1 Very Best Public Affairs Program For Television Viewing.



*Thanks for the catches, Eric


Anonymous said...

Jesus tapdancing christ, will somebody "occupy" the fucking media already?

Eric Whitney said...

Driftglass, this is not for posting, it's just to point out a couple typos you can fix, problems I see are within the dashes: 1) special set of rules designed with one person --on-- mind. 2) GOP base over and over again that --them their--bigotries 3) "controversial" opinions, which the moderator will never --bothers-- to explicate.

You are indefatigable. I don't know how you keep up the pace you set. Great post, thanks for hitting back at the Great White Turd.


the salamander said...

if you encourage the pig people to head on up to Canada, I'm gonna have to cloud up and rain (or snow) all over you.. EH !

Typical stellar volcanic lava heat from you
.. as always Mr Drift ...

matt p said...

newt looks better than usual in that photo...must be his diet or something.

steeve said...

"the bottom feeders deliver a temporary hike in the only thing these show's owners really care about -- audience share"

I can't go with this rating crap anymore. Does there seriously exist a person who says "Gingrich will be on? I'm tuning in!!" If they wanted ratings, they'd pair an actual fiery liberal with some stuffed suit and have a rip-roaring fight that ends in hilarious public embarrassment for the suit.