Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sunday Morning Comin’ Down


The filthy spirit of Lewis Prothero wins the week.


“Fox News Sunday” shows all the wanner, wannabe networks the way, as it always does, with Chris Wallace’s understudy -- Bret…Fartscalder? Trollspankington? ...Hairthimble? -- boldly leading off with the story of a New York mosque that some people plan to build on the site of a Burlington Coat Factory a mile from the Ground Zero site

!!Dr. Phibes 3D Mosque of Terror Babies!!

Because that is the Most Important Issue in the World.

Of course, for the fully immersive, rage-gasm experience

you're gonna need

the Special Glasses.

Ooga. Fucking. Booga.

Bret Poospray: How big a pussy is the President for “clarifying” his position and don’t you agree that so-called tolerance and religious freedom should be set-aside whenever wingnuts feel bad? The latest polls say most people don’t like terrorists, so isn’t this a great issue to run on?

Republican John Cornyn: Yes. People who live in trailers and have never left Sisterfuck, Arkansas have very strong feeling about New York whenever Rupert Murdoch reminds them that it exists.

Bret Folliclebasket: Lastly, are you worried that this is sucking up a lot of oxygen?

Driftglass: You mean like you are doing right now? Spending the first 1/3 of your show talking about it?

Bret Bluntpie: Now let’s talk about illegal immigrants.


Cornyn: There are not nearly enough boots on the ground. We need 40 million troops all linking arms standing on the border. Preferably shirtless. And oiled up. Full body shave. All staring smolderingly into the setting sun. Also we need a smaller gummint. That being said, I’m glad Obama has finally stopped hating America long enough to do what Republicans tell him to do.

Bret Scow-coifed: How will Obama’s contempt for America work against Democrats in the Fall? Also, in Afghanistan, how about something something David Petraus and something something what Joe Biden said once, in a book, in a paragraph which, if you read what he said next, doesn't sound at all like the scary shit I just implied he meant? Are Democrats running away like babies?

Bret Puddingchisel: Doesn’t the fact that the wacko teabaggers are losing in the primaries means that they’re a little too patriotic for the bland old GOP?

Cornyn: Ah…but the Democrats!

Democrat Jack Reed: Yes. Our candidates suck a lot sometimes.

Over on “This Week”

George Stephanopoulos

Terry Moran

Jake Tapper

Christiane Amanpour runs the place like she’s accidentally scheduled a biker convention and WindyCon into the same venue on the same weekend.

Get the first mob in.
Get ‘em out.
Get the sheets changed and the furniture hosed off
Get the next mob in.

We learn that Republicans Banking Committee Sen. Bob Corker and Martin Regalia of the ultraconservative U.S. Chamber of Commerce agree on almost everything.


They agree that the very best thing we can do for the financial health of the county – and, for some reason, poor, rural folks -- is to stop making changes to stuff.

That ObamaCare scared some fictional companies away from hiring people.

That maybe we all just need to suck Wall Street’s dick a little harder.

Also we need to decide exactly how much money the fed gummint should have, then appropriate backwards to that number.

Also rich people desperately need more tax cuts.

Also “people” can decide how to spend their money better than 535 people in Washington! Hey kids, we’ve got some costumes and a barn, so lets put on a show and buy a new 21st century transit system!

Did I mention the need for more tax cuts?

Obama Economic Adviser Laura Tyson is quite correct that we have a problem with education and we need to train these fucking rubes! And that we need to rebuild our manufacturing base which has been losing jobs for all kinds of stupid, preventable reasons forever.

I agree with every bit of what she says, but I also know that if the rest of the country is even half the dimwitted nepotistic clusterfuck at getting its training system to be flexibly responsive to the needs of the small-to-medium-sized manufacturing companies (who such services the most) as we are in Chicago, it's time for everybody to buy a paper hat and learn to say “Would you like fries with that?” in Mandarin.

Tyson is also dead right that we need to invest in rebuilding our rotting infrastructure, in lowering our high school dropout rates (at which we now lead the advanced world) and getting out national R&D budget back up from the embarrassingly anemic level it is at now.

Germany, she points out, does a kick-ass job of all of this, all while sustaining a much higher tax rate than the United States. I can loudly second her observations: there are examples from all over the world of counties with far fewer advantages than the United States enjoys who are making much shrewder, long term investments in their people and their tomorrows.

The big difference between us and them? None of their major political parties have been allowed to be hijacked by a cabal of oligarchs, theocrats and unhinged bigoted imbeciles.

U.S. Chamber of Commerce guy: You know why we aren’t investing? Tax laws! We need more tax cuts! We need more deregulation! The best thing to do right now would be to extend the Bush Tax cuts.

Republican Bob Corker: I agree. Let’s leave those dang tax cuts alone!

Later on, Republican political strategist Matthew Dowd humiliated himself over and over again.

Dowd: Obama’s point of view on the NY mosque reminds me of Bush. “My way or the highway”. This is a big problem for Obama.

Dowd: Oh, sure, technically we do have things like a “constitution” and “property rights”, but that shit is all beside the point when it comes to dealing with Scary Brown People. Tolerance goes two ways!

Dowd: Obama looks weak…so he needs to cave on this issue ASAP.

Amanpour: But the people who are building this mosque have been to the White House, have condemned 9/11 and intolerance.

Dowd: Yawn. Yawn. And double fucking yawn.

Amandpour: But the people who are building this mosque have been to the White House, have condemned 9/11 and intolerance?

Chrystia Freeland (Reuters): Yeah, Dowd.

David Ignatius: You’re full of shit, Dowd.

Amanpour: What about the oddball freak teabagger types who are cluttering up the political Universe?

Dowd: It is perilous…to both sides.

Cokie Roberts: Yeah. That’s right. Democrats think they can go back to the old playbook, and use facts and stuff.

Ignatius: Robert Gibbs and his “Professional Left” talk demonstrate how people are really pissed by the Centrist, establishment stuff that Obama is pitching,

Cokie: On the other hand, voters are schizophrenic idiots.

Dowd: I will now underscore how much my dick is still in Sarah Palin’s pocket by trotting out some complicated, incoherent “sea wall” metaphor. Involving bricks. And bridges.

Next week...Will rumors about Obama's plans to appoint a gun-grabbing Muslim Chupacabra to the Supreme Court force Robert Gibbs to shoot a hippie in Reno just so Mitch McConnell can watch him die?

Stay tuned.

And don't forget

your Special Glasses.


Anonymous said...

Thanks. I cannot, will not watch those shows. Your version is so much better.

US Blues said...

Those glasses give me a headache!

Anonymous said...

I accidentally watched "Face the Nation (with your ass)", hosted by the skeletal remains of some old guy from Texas wherein....
Two long discredited republican hack fundraisers, lied repeatedly, unopposed by grandpa, for a very long time.....and then delivered the punch line they had been working on all week: If they were telling the Kenyan what to do, he would damn well shut up with all that "defending the constitution" shit, and start parroting Rupert's talking points, or lines created by some such poll of morons somewhere....because upholding his oath made him look like Dukakis, who, as we all know, wanted us all to substitute murkin flags for Kingsford charcoal....on the 4th of July!! (kick, stomp, kick...)
....but later in the evening, the new Boondocks made me not rip the dish from my roof....
P.S. The word verification for this is "dicula" (no kidding). Is that like a republican vampire?

Suzan said...

Yep. The Dims are always fighting the last war and always will.

I'd like a pair of those glasses, please.

But only for attending a costume party where everyone dresses like Fox Fools. Should be lots of fun and lots of "diversity."

You rock on, Dg.

Can't figure out why they hired Amanpour when they could have hired you and gotten so much more intelligence and wit.


Democrats think they can go back to the old playbook, and use facts and stuff.

Esteev said...

Montag said...

Small point. We still spend a lot of money on R&D.

Only problem is that most of it is spent on the military, which tends to create things that most people really don't want to have around the house, or that they won't tell us about how they work for seventy fucking years.

The economic stimulus of military R&D spending is severely limited, at best. And, since the one truism in R&D is that talent follows the money, the private sector ends up with the bottom third of engineering and science graduates.

We live in a country that chooses to spend more on forty hours of war in Afghanistan than it spends on the annual budget of the only dedicated renewable energy lab in the country. We shouldn't be a bit surprised when such choices come back to bite us in the ass.

Although I'm sure the refrain will be, "no one could have predicted...."

Gay Veteran said...

"...The filthy spirit of Lewis Prothero wins the week...."

If you want to understand what happened post-9/11 then watch "V For Vendetta":

"...How did this happen? Whose to blame? Well certainly there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, if the truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty you need only look into a mirror.

I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense.

Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to...[President Bush]. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent obedient consent...."