Saturday, November 24, 2007

And the award for


"Most Lavishly Hyperbolic Butt-Plug Ad Evah!" goes to...


These guys:


"John Galt brought the world to its knees using inner technology"?


Are you fucking kidding me?

"John Galt" is a two-dimensional, stamped-out-of-chipboard Ayn Randite protagonist whose Pimpernellian exploits on behalf of poor, oppressed capitalists are shot through a vast, steaming heap of bad science fiction called "Atlas Shrugged" like veins of undigested corn.

The book (for those of you who never strapping on the hazmat suit and Libertarian codpiece and waded into this offal ocean) is an apocalyptic novel littered with ludicrous villains, miracle metals, force fields, death rays, and magic motors that suck electricity out of the sky more efficiently than a dozen conservative ‘best selling authors” working the wingnut welfare teat.

It would be (perhaps just a little) too flip to say it plays “The Hobbit” to the “Lord of the Rings” of Tim LaHaye’s execrable “Left Behind” series, and yet they both clearly and calculatedly exploit and profit from the same basic, murderous RightWing masturbatory fantasy; they each cold-heartedly celebrate a cleansing apocalypse that allows a few of The Chosen to survive -- to be Raptured away to Heaven or the Rocky Mountains -- while civilization is annihilated and the bulk of smelly, sinful, Hippy humanity perishes for its unworthiness.

So if you really want to irritate the bejesus out of your local, smirking Objectivist wannabe, ask him (repeatedly) why Ayn Rand is lionized for doing nothing more than rewriting a secular "Book of Revelations", with more gadgets, endless “Please God, just fucking shoot me”-long tirades about Evil Collectivists and Glorious Individualismists, but no Cross.

Because, in the end, that's all it is: a pile of really, really bad science fiction.

And trying hawk your wares to the misanthropic basket cases out there who see themselves as "Ayn-Rand inspired visionaries"?

Again, are you fucking kidding me?

Trying to model your life on "Atlas Shrugged" is as emotionally healthy as trying to model a life on "Riverworld ", "Scanners Live in Vain" or "The Man in the High Castle".

Considerably less healthy, actually, since these latter are actually skillfully crafted meditations on the pain and majesty of being human…

…and not thousand-page sagas about sock-puppets stabbing straw-men with tax cuts.

10 comments:

skunqesh said...

Vision!Force!Academy!

Bwah-hahahahaha!!

Inner!Technology!Stuff!

Ahhahahaha!!!ROTFLMAO!!

please tell me this is just a hoax (perpetuated solely to separate Cheeto wharfing Randittoheads from their weekend allowances).

Didn't this ad run next to this one?

KnaveRupe said...

Sounds to me like the Randroids are pissed that ElRon's Scientology Wackos are tax exempt, so they're trying to gt Objectivism recognized as a religion/cult too!

Honest to cripes. P.T. Barnum woulda made a fortune offa these chuckleheads.

PhysioProf said...

Most people who read AS freshman year of college think it sounds pretty cool and majestic and outta sight. The normal ones grow the fuck up and by sophomore year recognize it for the philosophically and economically bankrupt science fiction that it is. By junior year, they realize that not only is it science fiction, it is execrably shitty science fiction.

That anyone could take seriously the idea that AS provides insight into how to run a fucking society here in the real world boggles the mind.

tech98 said...

Methinks most of the masturbatory-Randoids are far from the self-reliant supermen of their fevered imaginations.

Most wouldn't last more than ten minutes if actually confronted with the free-market, no-government 'utopia' they imagine. Then they'd have to confront the scary ego-deflating idea that they rely on government regulations and spending, subsidization and distortion of markets, probably more than the average person.

PhysioProf said...

If it weren't for the farm bill's corn subsidies, they wouldn't even be able to afford their fucking Cheetos and Mountain Dew. Bunch of goddamn fucking right-wing welfare queens.

driftglass said...

lol! y'all crack me up with teh smarts.

Welfare Kings, PhysioProf. Burly Welfare Kings!

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

I read AS back in 10th grade ['78-'79 school year]. Oddly, you can blame Star Trek, of all things, for that.

Back in the 1970s, there was a multi-authoressed book called "STAR TREK LIVES!". Being a passionate Trekkie at the time, I bought it. One of the authoresses, a Ms. Marshak, was a devotee of Ayn Rand, so I decided to give Miss Rand a try.

I was entranced enough for a while that, had I turned 18 in 1980 instead of 1981, I would have voted for the Libertarian candidate. I despised the Religious Right too much to consider supporting Reagan, because here in the Arkanshire, the local RR was trying to shove "creation-science" down our throats. [Also, the RR wanted to forbid me from reading the letters in Penthouse, and you DO NOT CROSS any healthy young lad in that fashion. ;)]

By 1982, the first year in which I could vote, the spell had worn off and my politics were already moving leftward. My return to faith in 1987 only accelerated that leftward trend; it's pretty obvious to me that REAL Christianity supports not only private charity but also the welfare state for the common citizen [as distinct from the welfare state for fat cats, aka "crony capitalism"]. During the only time in my life in which I leaned rightward, I was also agnostic.

From the swamps of the Arkanshire, IBW

Bob Munck said...

As someone said recently, libertarians all think that they're a combination of John Galt and Lazarus Long.

WereBear said...

"The wire of Eustace Cranch!"

(Sorry... couldn't help myself. And it doesn't come up very often.)

Anonymous said...

i am old enough to have read Atlas Shrugged when it came out in 1957 / just thought it was a pretty good (although awfully long) story pretty much like Gone With the Wind / tittilating but not to be taken too seriously and i dont know why anyone would ! did or should !

katherine