Monday, September 03, 2007

Sunday Morning Comin’ Down



"Where'd everyone go?" edition.

On “Face the Nation” Senators Joe Biden and Lindsay Graham.

Bob Schieffer: Whuzzup Country Joe!

Biden: A strong central gummint in Iraq will not happen in your lifetime or mine. The only places where anything we’re doing it working is where we’re working locally and punting on the idea of Iraq as a country.

Biden: We should begin drawing down troops, leaving only enough behind to do some training, kill some terrorists and keep the the pot from boiling over.

Biden: Total number of Iraqi deaths are up not down. The number of people fleeing is up not down. The purpose of the Surge was to create enough breathing room for the Iraqi gummint to solve the bigger problems. And

That.
Will.
Never.
Happen.


Biden: The next AG should be someone who can tell the truth. Who knows the difference between torture and not torture. Who understands the fucking constitution and will tell the President the truth.

Lindsay Graham: We should go forward, not backward. So we should leave that nahs missuh gone-zalez alone now that he’s gawn.

So once you shoot your way out of the bank with the loot, the cops should leave you be? Lindsay Graham's own "Gonzo-Gonzo-ox-in-free" theory of justice.

Except, of course, if you are a Democrat.

Graham: In a few weeks there will be a Major Breakthrough in Baghdad in the gummint. The gummint is dysfunctional but has not failed. There will be a Major Breakthrough in political reconciliation in a few weeks. We need more political, military and economic support.

Graham: The moment is right now in Iraq! Now it the time to reinforce Fort Apache Iraq! The Surge is Working!

Mo muny! Mo guns!

Mo muny! Mo guns!

Because this Pig is finally gonna Fly!

Too bad Senator Floyd-the-Barber has never bothered to learn the single most important lesson of leadership:
That Very, Very Bad Things happen

when a petty, incompetent Martinet-in-Chief uses his terrible, life-and-death power to selectively endorse the opinions of “commanders on the ground” that tell him only what he wants to hear, and fire everyone else.


On “Meet the Press”

Tim Russert lets Bob Shrum, James Carville, Mary Matalin & Mike Murphy out of the paddock to graze, fart and roll in their own poop in the NBC political wallow.

File under “Irritating things you see when you don’t have a fucking rocket launcher.”

Schrum: (Regarding the mile-long list of GOP corruptions) There is a taint here.

Hehe.

He said “taint”.

Mary Matalin
(pictured here)

repeats the phrase “What ‘normal people’ think” a 100,000 times in her comic-book villainesse indictment of everything left of Dick Cheney’s wang.

Matalin, of course, wouldn’t know what a “normal people” looks like (Hint: Most have not been Botoxed into a sexless promontory of flesh-tinted Play Doh to house a voice that could kill police dogs from orbit) eats, thinks or anything else if bus-loads of them were trebuchetted into her morning Bloody Mary.


Mike Murphy informs us that “Bloggers From the Far Left”

(pictured here)

is what’s destroying politics.

It’s McCarthyism I tell's ya! This litmus-testing “identity” stuff of, if you’re a woman and you don’t support abortion, needs to stop. That calculation cheapens politics.

Hehe.

He said "titty".


Matalin: The people who pontificate are the horrible, horrible Liberals who Demonize those poor Republicans

(pictured here)

who only want to keep the nation safe for “normal people”.

This was all capped off with one of those loathsome, Ari Fleischer-extruded, Bush-front-group-produced “They Attacked Us on 9/11, so if we pull outta Eye-Rak, everything I have sacrificed will have been for nothing” commercials.


(pictured here)


On “Fox News Sunday”

Senators Leahy and Specter.

Leahy: Craig was forced out by Republican colleagues. What’s more interesting is Pampers Vitter was making hook-ups on the phone in the cloak room and no one in the GOP is asking him to catch the 3:10 to Yuma.

Specter: I’d like to see Larry Craig seek to with draw his guilty plea and stay in the Senate. If he you change the underlying sense of the case. The feel of the case. If he could only get into the judicial stall, and grab the throbbing facts of the case firmly in one hand, and cup his presumption of innocence in the other…

Leahy: The Department of Justice. We just want the best man or woman who can run the place. Dubya has shattered confidence in the institution.

Dubya has shattered confidence in every institution.

That’s what the Republicans hired him to do.

Specter: He should select a real professional. Someone who understands the difference between being the President’s footstool and the United State Attorney General. Someone who can tell the President things he doesn’t want to hear. Not, y’know, a lying dickhead.

Republican Bibble Spigot Ed Gillespie: The Surge is Teh Awesome. And Iraq is winnable. The American people support The Surge. Both Democrats and Republicans support the Surge.

Premature and precipitous withdrawal would be badnesses.

To repeat: Now that we are into the fifth year of our Dubya's Excellent Cake-Walk War, no one who continues to service the Republican Lie Machine has the right to use the word “precipitous” ever again except to describe the general plummetiness of their Party’s political fortunes.

The show was advertised as
“Gonzales Resignation: Chris Wallace looks deep into the controversial career of the attorney general”

And
“Reaction From the White House: Who will the president choose to replace outgoing Gonzales?”


Translation: Everyone but Wallace and the intern staffing the editing bay is on vacation.

On “This Week”

George Stephanopoulos

John Ensign: Dirty Larry had admitted guilt. That what's make him different.

George Stephanopoulos: What about Pampers Vitter?

Ensign: Vitter only flaunts his guilt; he doesn't plead to it.

Ensign: Barney Frank did it!

At which point I ran away from my teevee and threw beer cans at it for awhile.

Because this

is exactly what the Sunday Mouse Circus should sound like (h/t Dana @ 15 at C&L)

What our public discourse could but never will be, so long as the Broderocracy keeps their well-shod foot on the throat of our national media.

Upon my triumphant return, the ”The Chris Matthews Show” was on, featuring Rick Stengel, Howard Fineman, Katty Kay, Gloria Borger.

Angels with Dirty Feces edition.

Howard Fineman: War is Dubya’s theory. War is his answer. And he can veto anything he wants. We are soooo fucked!

Fineman: Bush has committed this country irrevocably to a course of action which will be to get out of.

Matthews: Dubya is a political genius because he has used his office to commit the whole country to a course of action from which there is now no escape.

The essential amorality of the Pundit Class is on full display right here. Matthews really believes that Bush is a Political Genius for using the power he got after 9/11 to drive the country off the fucking cliff.

Normal people watch the country hurl off a cliff in horror.

Matthews watches Dubya run that same country off that same cliff and stands in awe of his brilliant fucking driving.

Look Ma! I blowed it up real good!

Stengel: The Generals are telling him what Bush wants to hear. The fact that we’re treating September like there’s going to be a surprise is kind of amazing. We already know what he’s going to say.


Katty Kay: There is no indication that Preznit Bush is open to any views other than my own. He moves forward 50 years, stops listening to anyone here and now. There are no indications – no facts – indicating that any of this is working. Bush never allows for other points of view, and only surrounds himself with people who tell him what he wants to hear.

Gloria Borger: Yes, but it his True Belief.



Big question: “After the Larry Craig scandal, can the GOP continue to be the values party?”

My short answer; not so much. Maybe in the very short-term, but GOP Base voters are not just irrational creatures. They are proudly irrational creatures. They do not reason their way into logical policies; they rationalize their way backwards from their fears and hatreds into the Party of God.

And Party Leaders know it.

The pig people are all Hard Drive and no RAM. To compensate for their tiny brains, tiny penises and tiny futures, they ache to rain righteous fire down on some-fucking-body. And because there is no other category on Earth in which they will ever rate as Superior, they have concocted a Faith and a Dogma which tells them they are Superior at the one thing their Invisible Daddy in the Sky God (surprise!) says is most important: Rigid Morality.

Or at least their creepy, perverted, inverted definition of Morality.

And they are getting all twitchy because these days just as they get all wound up good and lynchy-tight, and work up a good head of steam, they run around the corner and smack into the fact that they are being led by the Mothers of All Moral Failures.

And y’know, repeatedly slamming your head into a solid wall of you-are-completely-fucking-wrong-about-everything is just the sort of thing that could lead a person to all kinds of existential crises and reevaluations...if this were not the Base of the GOP we were talking about.

Ah, but it is the Base we’re talking about.

And the moment someone gives them the right coded sound bite -- cranks up the fear a few more notches, amps up the talk of “San Francisco” liberals and plasters the church bulletins with Scary!Queer!Stuff! -- they will obediently return to their factory default setting and resume marching lock-step into the Dark Ages.

Because that’s is who they are.

And nothing short of their electoral extinction will ever stop them.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Once again, into the breach, DG. Your dead-on depiction of the "Republican Base" also illuminates the utter foolishness of the Schrum-Brazile-Emmanuel-DLC brand of political strategerizing.

Trying to pander to these people in an attempt to peel some portion of these voters away from the GOP is the ultimate exercise in futility. Compleat.Waste.Of.Time.

They must be held up to ridicule and marginalized, their leaders and heroes must be mercilessly investigated and prosectuted. They must be driven into political irrelevancy for generations to come. Fuck Schumer and his "We'll forget the investigations if Fred Fielding lets us suck his dick" bullshit.

Investigate and prosecute. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Not only will the Truth set one free, it's a great disinfectant.

Selah.
CAGary

whig said...

Republican party delenda est.

Hubris Sonic said...

Wasnt that Trevino (as the banker) in that second clip?

tanbark said...

Which wonderful, state-of-the-art, patented Driftglass hide-flaying brings us right back to the question:

Will the democrats bend over and spread their cheeks and allow all this to be inserted up THEIR bungholes (hee-hee...)two Novembers from now?
?

Evidently, as Judy Tenuda says:

"Hey! It could happen..."

Arrrrghhh...

US Blues said...

Great use of You Tube. That TZ episode is what, 40 years old?

The Pig people have not evolved over time, past political observers described their behavioral characteristics perfectly. Thus we can easily recognize them in our "field guides to politcal pig-people" that Gutenburg was printing while his first run of Bible's dried.

PhysioProf said...

"And y’know, repeatedly slamming your head into a solid wall of you-are-completely-fucking-wrong-about-everything is just the sort of thing that could lead a person to all kinds of existential crises and reevaluations...if this were not the Base of the GOP we were talking about."

Good one!

Metatwaddle said...

Very impressed new reader here. I always wondered what it was about Matthews that rubbed me the wrong way. I always catch little snippets of him before Olbermann's show on weeknights, and he seems smart, but something bothers me, and I think you pinpointed what it is.

I think I'll be reading this blog pretty regularly.

tanbark said...

Meta! Cool moniker...

And, nowadays, Chris is just having trouble figuring out which side he wants to be a frontrunner for. I'm betting that 6 months from now, you'd think he was married to Jane Fonda.

Don't be a stranger. :o)

ThePoliticalCat said...

Ah, me. I think I just had a back-arching hilarihategasm. Thank you. Though I wonder how you can hold forth so brilliantly without becoming terminally depressed. I have to periodically harrass the felines, or hose myself down in the garden, or risk ripping my own throat out after coming into contact (however slight) with the Pig People or their omnipresent effluvia.

BitterHarvest said...

Masterful as always, D. I especially love this:

Matalin, of course, wouldn’t know what a “normal people” looks like (Hint: Most have not been Botoxed into a sexless promontory of flesh-tinted Play Doh to house a voice that could kill police dogs from orbit)

Oh, man, that is some prose!

Gay Veteran said...

"...Normal people watch the country hurl off a cliff in horror.

Matthews watches Dubya run that same country off that same cliff and stands in awe of his brilliant fucking driving.

Look Ma! I blowed it up real good!....

reminds me of the ganster movie Cagney was in. "I'm on top of the world, ma!"