Sunday, July 22, 2007

For the College Republicans

You’ve all seen Max Blumenthal's brilliant video, and it seemed a pity that Generation Chickenhawk had to go even one more day without its own anthem.

Something that would, like the generation it would songify, be at once martial and derivative, and yet risk-free.

So here you go.

Dedicated to that generation of Yellow Elephants and Chris Vucovichs who have definitively shown for all of history to see the exact dimensions of the filthy and debased cultural cul de sac where American Conservativism finally crawled off to die.

That generation of chubby, shirking wannabe-Bonapartes, with the souls of Andersonville prison guards, and spools of GOP talking point ticker-tape where their minds are supposed to be.

The morally stillborn ratlets of our Gilded Age who seem terribly, obsessively concerned that we all know that they are absolutely not gay.

Sung to the tune of “Ballad of The Green Beret”

“Ballad of The We’re Not Gay!”

Bleating wingnuts of the Right
Dastards hiding from the fight
Cellar trolls with much to say
That screech as one: “ No, we’re not gay!”

“Cheney/Bush” on their lapels
Karl Rove’s own splinter cells.
Bought a War: let others pay.
Snivelers all, but soooo not-gay.

Trained to live off Daddy’s cash
When lies don’t work, then talk some trash.
In fear they might just be “that way”
They scream real loud: “But I’m not gay!”

“Cheney/Bush” on their lapels
Karl Rove’s own splinter cells.
Who buy their Wars on lay-away.
Poltroons all, but soooo not-gay.

Back at the dorm, a girlfriend waits
A wingnut too, and six weeks late.
Daddy’s doctor snakes her tubes
‘Cause “Right to Life” is for the rubes.

Take someone else, but don’t take me.
A real man, I’ll never be.
Just like the spawn I’ll whelp one day,
Who just like me, will not be gay.


US Blues said...

Back at the dorm, a girlfriend waits
A wingnut too, and six weeks late.
Daddy’s doctor snakes her tubes
‘Cause “Right to Life” is for the rubes.

Another Mrs. Vitter in training- won't go down, never mind swallow, and so this is the result.

Brilliant stuff, and an appropriate follow-on to the video.

PhysioProf said...

Nice photo. Part of the statue not shown is little poops under the elephant bungholes.

Anonymous said...

And don't forget this one:

The Battle Hymn of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders
(Sung to the tune of The Marine Corps Hymn)

'Tween the walls of mommy's basement
On the floors our spunk has stained
We fight our fights through proxy
With a mouse, keyboard, and brain
First to call for wars of freedom
Policies that kill the poor
We'll do the least that we can do
And fight with our keyboard.

Our George was safe - he made the Guard
And Rush had a sore ass;
Deferments saved Dick's butt five times
But not the working class;
In the dorms of far-off college quads
A light year from the war
You will find us cursin' Democrats
One Hundred-One Keyboards.

There's beer for us and guns for them
And each one has a role;
We're many so glib, we'll flame a Lib,
As warfare takes its toll;
If the Army and the Navy
Are understaffed in war;
Go find another place to turn
We're the One Oh One Keyboards.

~Doc Johnson

Organic Mechanic said...

it works perfect!
i just sang it -- what fun. deelightful.

Bollox Ref said...

As others have said, it's a shame that the elephant is the 'rethug' logo, as elephants are wonderful, glorious, loving creatures that don't deserve man............ same for donkeys also.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

"Elephant Bungholes" would be a great name for a rock band.

PeeDee said...

Broder Watch:

Turns out he had good reasons for not impeaching Nixon as well...

lostnacfgop said...

I was thinking more along the lines of this

Sung to the tune of "YMCA"

Young man, there's no need to feel small
I said Young man, outta that shopping mall
There is nothing, daddy's money can't buy
there's no need for you to be shy

Young man, are you listenin' to me
Oh yes Young man, its what you want to be
screaming shouting, freedom just isn't free
and It won't cost you a thin dime

ITs fun to shill for the
GEEE- hee O - P
Its fun to troll for the
GEEE - Hee O P

You can hate all you want
you can get a book deal
Rush'll get you an Oxy-Con Deal

Young Man you don't need to enlist
No no Young man, just act righteously pissed
Let those poor kids take up arrms in the war
Besides Fox needs one more loud whore

ITs fun to shill for the
GEE-hee O P
ITs fun to lie for the
Gee-hee O P
HEre the wars we all win
when we don't we just spin
and we carp on them

G- hee - O P!
We're always proppin the
we got so much to say
and we know we're not gay
least we think so we hope not
no way hay
G Hee O P
G Hee O P
(fade out)