Sunday Morning Comin’ Down.

The return of Sunday Morning Comin’ Down.

Promising only...

Fast. Cheap. Good.

Pick Two.

"Fox News Sunday" rolled out chinless Mitch McConnell, Sen. Jack Reed, D-R.I. Which was lovely, but our local Fox affiliate promised Jim Webb and Lindsay Graham.

So confusing.

But first they tried to move the Dougie Feith product.

Chris Wallace: Are you a liar? Were you’re pants on fire? (DoD Bureaucratic-speak puts it so much more mealy)

Feith: You gotta have Feith, Feith, Feith.

Wallace: Who asked you to invent pro-invasion fictions. Cheney? Was it Cheney? Did Cheney put you up to it? Does he have your nads in a bag or something?

Feith: Some people in my office just…uh…got into it spontaneously. Like crack. Or Scientology. C’mon, Chris. Reach out/touch Feith!

Wallace: (from Feith’s PowerPoint) It says here al-Qaeda was on weekend sleepovers with Iraq Intelligence. Their respective leaderships were getting drunk together and at key parties. bin Laden and Hussein were having fluff and fold parties! They were drawing up plans to attack America while they did their dainties together on Sunday evenings!

Fluff and fold parties, Doug!

Shorter Feith: Why isn’t the CIA accounting for a connection that does not exist? We presented a fairy tale of close ties between Iraq and AQ and the CIA was unable to rebut it. That’s good government! That’s how this shit is supposed to go.

Feith: No one ever claimed what the 9/11 commission was wrong. We just claimed that their ideas didn’

Wallace: Yeah but your own PowerPoint say they were having circle jerks in a Piggly Wiggly Men’s Room and house parties at Howard Dean’s place.


Feith: No. That’s just not the case. We said that the CIA has failed to disprove that there were having circle jerks and house parties. The whole briefing was a challenge to the CIA.

Wallace: But Cheney jumped all over this.

Wallace: But did you ever make the case for not invading.

Feith: Yes. Lotsa times.

Then…Mitch McConnell.

Wallace: What do you think about what that lying freak Feith just said?

McConnell: Rehashing what happened four years ago is pointless.

Wallace (bowing low and touching his fat head to McConnell’s ring): Yes, master. We will move on then. Why no debate? Didn’t you lose the PR battle.

McConnell: Shut up, beyotch! The NYT editorial Page agrees with me.

Really? Where?

Wallace: (Quoting McConnell from 2005) “Obstructionism is sucky and anti-American.” Why isn’t it sucky and American now?

McConnell: We had to destroy Senatorial debate in order to save it.

Wallace (To Jack Reed): What do you plan to do?

Jack Reed: You will see us bringing up. McConnell used procedural trickery to stop a simple vote of “Do you support Preznit Dumbass and his stupid policy?”

Wallace: What do you think of the point that this sorta non-binding procedural thingie just glazes over the eyes of our viewers?

driftglass: Your viewers’ eyes glaze over at the thought of having to peel their asses out of their Barca-Loungers. Over doing long division. Fuck your viewers.

Paul Gigot gets the coveted Atrios “Wanker of the Day” award by stepping all over his own, miniscule dick: (Transcript via Think Progress and emphasis added by me)

Wallace: So, Paul, what was going on here with Feith’s operation in the Pentagon? Was this an honest, good faith alternative analysis of the intelligence? Or was this a bunch of top officials in the Pentagon and the White House who were trying to build a case to go to war?

Gigot: We didn’t go to war because of Al Qaida links. We went to war because of WMD, which was what the CIA said Saddam had, and that’s what they got wrong.

[…]

Juan Williams: Look, I find this so unbelievable. It’s so tenuous, but it seems to me clear that there’s a need to somehow defend this idea that there was some kind of operational link when it’s clear there wasn’t ever any operational link between Al Qaida and Saddam Hussein.
…

I mean, it’s a clear case of someone manipulating evidence to build a case to go to war. And obviously, it’s led to tragic consequences for people. We’ve lost lives and money and time.

Gigot: But we didn’t go to war for that. We went to war for WMD which the intelligence services got wrong.

Williams: But the reason we went to war over WMD is the fear that if Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, he would lend them to Al Qaida, strengthening Al Qaida, and that was just wrong, Paul.

Wait for it.

Wait for it…..

Gigot: Do you think that that was impossible? Do you think that that could never have happened?

Bingo.

In an honorable media world, Williams would have leapt across the table and just slapped the holy shit out of Paul Gigot. Slapped him out of his underoos and sent him crying from the room like a six-year-old who just stumbled into his parent’s bedroom on Christmas Eve and caught Santa playing “Spank the Naught Girl” with Mommy.

And when he limped back to his office all of his possessions -- his official White House Dental Dam, his runner-up GOP Reach-around Prize, that gilt-framed photo of him atop a naked Neocon human ziggurat at the Fox Christmas Party making out with Disco Andy Coulter – would be in a boxed up and a pair of Fox network guards there to escort him out of the building and back to a life of occasional guest shots on NPR.

But we do not live in an honorable media world, and the best Juan could muster was

Williams: “No, but, Paul, that’s not what you just said. Paul, you said we went to war over WMD.”

"This Week" —John Kerry and (former Arkansas Gov.) Mike Huckabee.

Kerry: Every expert in and out of Iraq says Iran is making trouble, but they do not want Iraq to implode.

Kerry: Without a date-certain nothing will happen. You leverage the behavior of the Iraqi’s. One friedman ago we said the Iraqis had to change their behavior within one friedman. Did they? No. They have blown every measure and every promise. Unless you set clear benchmarks and tell them you will withdraw within a year, nothing will change.

Huckabee…Oh, that’s right. I don’t give a shit about Huckabee.

Moving on.

"Face the Nation" — Christopher Dodd and Trent Lott.

Dodd: 80% of the Iraqi people believe we are to blame for their plight. 60% of them think its OK to kill Americans. How do you solve a single fucking think as long as that remains true?

On Iran.

Dodd: The Bakelton Report ™ said we need to have some level of engagement with the neighbors. Not because you like them, but because you want to get shit done. Because you want to project your influence and you can’t always just bomb your way to Utopia.


Dodd: Feith was doctoring the information.

Amen, brother.

Dodd: I’m worried based on this Administration’s record of lying like dogs about Iraq that they’re now trying to make the case for invading Iran.

On Lieberman.

Dodd: Lieberman has views I don’t agree with, but I agree with him on other stuff. He is a Democrat even though he ran Independent and fucks us in the ass at every opportunity. He is a good Senator in my opinion.

No, Chris. No he’s not.

I know it’s hard when your state goes all After School Special when little brother Joe shaves his head and joins a cult, but he has and pretending little Joey isn’t a bile-soaked war mongering fifth columnist is no way to help him.

Tough love, Chris. Tough love.

Lott: We didn’t block debate, we continued debate!

Thence comes a discussion of the saving of one’s political bacon. Who saved who’s and when.


First, Local NBC is all over Obama, but after…

On "Meet the Press" —Steny Hoyer., and John Boehner.

The debate over Iraq moves to the House.

Hoyer: It is the overwhelming opinion of the experts and a whole lot of Republicans that the Preznit’s escalation policy will fail. So that’s what we’ll debate and vote on: “Do you support the Preznit’s policy?”

The Boner: Victory in Iraq is the only option. Iraq is just one front on the GWO All Bad Things. It is a global movement! What about Israel! They’ll follow us here!

The Boner, in under sixty seconds, manages to puke up every single tired, discredited lying Cheneyesque talking point. Just another GOP haircut with dead-button eyes that the drones in his district were stupid enough to elect.

Tom DeLay without the charisma and that seething hatred that let him simulate being alive.


Russert: What about a friedman from now? Do we with draw?

The Boner: In a friedman…uh…we’ll…uh…know if this is working or not.

Hoyer catches the Mock The Friedman Fever: You know, since 2002 these assclowns have said we are winning and whatever problems there are, in one friedman, they’ll get better. Then when they didn’t – when they got worse – you said “Wait one more friedman.”

The Boner: This a great plan. What is your Plan For Success?

driftglass: The Boner stands over the rotting corpse. Long, loooong dead. Demanding to know how Democrats will “save” it. Demanding to know what our plan for Reanimation is. That nothing short of Reanimation will do.

And when you point out that Reanimation is impossible? A delusion? A deadly fiction?

Well then you are demoralizing the troops and that you support the terrorists.

John Boehner – just another footsoldier in Cheney’s Traitor Army.

The Boner: We all know what’s coming. You want to cut off troops in the field! You want to demoralize our soldiers! You want us to lose!

Russert: But General Pace says that is just bullshit. That this debate will have no effect whatsoever on troop morale.

The Boner: But…but…but I got an email from a lady that used to work for me that says otherwise. So there. And I read “Lincoln: Team of Rivals”. What would have happened if Lincoln had given up.

driftglass: Jesus, is this really the best the GOP has? Is this faded, eleventh-generation photocopy of what was a bad idea to begin with really all that’s left of them? Tell you what, Boner. When the South becomes Taliban and secedes, then call me with your moron analogy.

When the Confederacy goes radical Islam and shells Fort Sumter.

When the Mahdi Army of Northern Virginia gets within cannon range of Washington D.C., then call me.

Until then, Shut The Fuck Up you filthy little whore.

The Boner: Look at Roosevelt!

driftglass: Funny how, even though The Boner’s analogies are deliberately and despicably dishonest, it does beg the question how Lincoln managed to fight and win a continent-wide war, and Roosevelt managed to fight and win a global war against massive, industrialized empires, each in less time than it has taken for Dubya to fuck a single country irrevocably up.

A single country that allegedly wanted us to invade and conquer them.

That would require no massive Reconstruction.

No denazification.

That was allegedly chock full of wannabe democrats who were juts waiting for the United States to knock off the Deck of 52 Devils who were oppressing them so they could spring full-blown into a Jeffersonian utopia.

Russert: So we stay there endlessly?

The Boner: Waaaa! Waaaa!

The Boner: Why can’t we debate on what Republicans what to debate huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!

driftglass: The real answer? Because you lost, dickhead. Because you and your Preznit have been lying and moving the goalposts for four years. Because the GOP as it is currently constituted is utterly unfit to have any hand in the governance of this nation.

Hoyer: Do you remember in 1995 when you cocksuckers voted for a non-binding resolution to slam Clinton for sending 20,000 troops into Bosnia?

The Boner: Waaaa! Waaaa!

Then, Obamania! Followed by Hillary, et al.




The Chris Matthews Show. Featuring Noron. Clarence Page. Joe Klein. Katty Kay.

Which means we’re going to talk about Monosyllabic Hillary Stuff, Black/Obama Stuff, Fake “Everyman Hates Liberals” stuff…and eye candy.

And like a pocket-edition oracle, I am sadly right.

And I Couldn’t.

Care.

Less.