Sunday Mornin' Coming Down

A short, sullen Sunday full of bibble and Bible.

In which John McCain finally changes his name to "Mullah Jerry's Wild Ride", hocks his medals for pasties, strips down to his fuck-me shoes, bends over and gives it all the way up for the Christopaths of the Republican Party.

But I get ahead of myself...

So here we go, quick and dirty, ‘cause I have about a million clocks to set ahead.

On Fox…Senator Russ, kicking a little ass deep in enemy territory, as Chris Wallace morphs further and further away from anything vaguely resembling a journo and more and more into bits left over from the animators of Stewie, from “Family Guy”.



Wallace: Why do America haters like you wanna tanglefoot the Preznit while he’s killin’ evildoers?

Senator Russ: He broke the law. He can’t do that.

Wallace: Why do you want the terrorists to win? Huh?

Senator Russ: I love this country…especially that Constitution thingie.

Wallace: Is it the Christian babies, jewboy? Huh? Is that it? You just want to see the terrorists come and kill innocent Christian babies?

Senator Russ: What message does it sent to our kids that we let the President just make up whatever law he wants, break whatever law he wants, and the GOP’s solution is to change the rules after the fact?

Wallace: But we won! You Liberals can’t stand that, can you? Huh? Huh? We won, which means we get to do whatever we want, including us the Constitution as ass-floss. Why do you hate America, Feingold?

Senator Russ: He broke the law. He can’t do that.

Wallace: That’s all the time we have. Thanks for joining us. Christ-killer.

Like that.

The Word must have gone out from the Imperial HQ of Jesusland that it was time to tighten up the testicle-cinches that keeps the Republican oxen plowing furrows straight and true towards Armageddon, because in addition to John McCain loaning his mouth out as Mullah Jerry’s bidet, Lindsay Graham was called forth to atone and take a redemptive dip in the Blood of the Fox.

So after a few weeks wandering the wild frontiers at the edge of the Bush Political Compound, he strapped himself back into his GOP shock collar and bids fair to win the Pez Dispenser Award for popping out the most ridiculous GOP Talking Points Per Minute.

That the chatter around the Illegal NSA Program is, in fact, a “robust debate” over what the Preznit can and can’t do during war.

After all, what if Congress had tried to force Truman to re-hire MacArthur?

What if they made the Preznit submit lists of bombing targets for pre-approval?

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hell no!

That comparisons to the “ghost of Watergate” are absurd, ‘cause Nixon went after domestic enemies…and Bush is going after furriners.

And a new talking point is born.

Watch for the GOP rebranding Watergate as tawdry, mid-70s, third-rate, 16mm burglary-porn with a scant plot about using enemies lists to kneecap domestic opponents.

And since this latest mutation of an Imperial Republican attempt to eviscerate the Constitution they swore to uphold manifests itself differently than the last GOP attempt to destroy to the government...trained seals like Graham are now abroad in the land explaining that death by Nixon Rabies is VASTLY DIFFERENT than death by Rovine Spongiform Encephalopathy.

And therefore “Censuring the program” would be a mistake.

Of course, no one is talking about censuring “the program.” Just the Felon-in-Chief.

What made it a whole order of magnitude more absurd was that this immediately preceded a debate about “amnesty” for illegal aliens. After all, they broke the law didn’t they? Amnesty, Graham opines, is the current system, and the current system is a failure.

Perhaps we should…censure them? Which according to the GOP is such a brutalizing ordeal that one would assume would cause undocumented workers would flee en masse to their countries of origin rather than face the horror of it.


Graham has a moderate view on what should be done, but doesn’t think lawbreakers should skate.

Unless, of course, those lawbreakers rule his Party and govern his Country.


On Face The Nation -- Sensenbrenner and Durbin.

Durbin speaks of the Sweet Reason in the Senate, and the chasm between them and keening loons over in the House who wants to shoot down like a dog in the street anyone who gives an undocumented worked a glass of water or splints their kids busted leg.

Sensenbrenner breaks in with a solo of his own version of “Mother” from “The Wall”:

…
Hush now wingnuts, don’t you cry.

GOP’s gonna make your police state the law.

GOP’s gonna rub all your fears ‘til they’re raw.

GOP’s gonna pander to our Right wing.

We won’t let you think, but we’ll give you a King.

GOP’ll keep wingnuts cozy and warm.

Ooooh wingnuts

Ooooh wingnuts

Oooooh wingnuts,

Of course Congress'll help build a wall.

Then, it’s David Brooks! Yay! If anyone cares to know why I track his clumsy, reckless, misogynist prose, it’s precisely for this reason. Because while Brooks is a man of patently absurd views and threadbare talents, for some mysterious reason he absolutely rakes it in and bestrides the Pundiverse like a breathless, pastel Colossus.

Why?

Brooks lets us all know that in one half of Capitol Hill, it's all Senate and Sensibility. People talking about reasonable compromise. But in the House, you have berserker Republicans who are proposing, no kidding, replacing the undocumented workers picking cotton and lettuce with prisoners. Brooksie is smart enough to react with a squeaky, “Oh my goodness” to the prospect of a mostly-brown prison population out in the blazing sun, under the guns of overseers, working as forced agribusiness labor.

He notes that if you look at the Republicans running in swing states, they’re the ones who are reasonable. If you look at Republicans from highly concentrated Republicans areas…they’re fucking nuts.

Thanks, Brooksie, for summarizing the GOP so succinctly: The more Republican you become, the more completely fucking de-ranged you become.

On This Week -- Senator Obama.

Barack makes it clear that he’s not falling for the head-fake that undocumented workers are the “problem” when it comes to high unemployment rates among African Americans. That there are lots of problems, but that he will not be drawn into a fake argument pitting one group of low-wage workers against another with immigration being used as an accelerant.

This Week Roundtable -- Martha Raddatz, George Will, Bob Reich.

Bob Reich. The problem in this White House is not fucking “communications”. It’s policy.

Martha Raddatz unintentionally summarizes the whole problem with the press when she says, no, it is communications. The problem is that the American people don’t understand what the Preznit is trying to say, and the WH needs to find a way to get them to buy it.

Such a perfect peek into the snowglobe mind of creatures who live only in the Media Tidepool.

That the American Public is an army of reprogrammable Golem, who – after three years – are somehow too fucking stupid to “get” Iraq. That with a little rebranding, we’ll all fall into line. Sorry Martha; we get it, as we have gotten it for years. Which is why we ain't buying another word that comes out of Dubya's mouth on the subject of Iraq -- or anything else -- no matter how cleverly they try to slip the Jaws of Lies into our ears, pry our skulls open, and dump in another load of refried bullshit.

Dubya has lost the room, for the simple reason that the simple truth about his crimes and incompetence now bulks so large that a "Mission Accomplished" banner as big as Greenland and printed with nickle-sized, Happy Face pixels still wouldn't be large or "good newsy" enough to cover it up.


Meet the Press…made me ill.

Literally nauseous.

The first 1/3 was Fathead and John McCain swapping spit and rubbing each other down with fur-gloves, but then Punkin Haid started firing quotes about Electile Dysfunction and McCain’s Flaccid Maverickhood and Big John got his sassy, little swerve on.

Obediently repeating every White House talking point…from 2002.

That he wuuuuved Dubya. He wuuuuved nesting in his musky man-crack. That Dubya didn’t do anything dishonorable in 2000, but people in his campaign did and that Dubya didn’t know nuthin’ about it.

McCain has “put all that behind him.”

McCain doesn’t “look back in anger.”

McCain explaining why he is giving the commencement address at Liberty University.

Or as the Falwell U. website explains it (No links to wingnut sites)...

While Sen. McCain and Liberty University Chancellor Jerry Falwell have had their share of political differences through the years, the two men share a common respect for each other and have become good friends in their efforts to preserve what they see as common values. This will mark his first ever appearance at Liberty University.

Sen. McCain is a practicing Christian. He has seven children and four grandchildren. He and wife Cindy reside in Phoenix.

It’ll be a full weekend down at Hate State, with John McCain batting cleanup on May 13, and Gary Bauer loading the bases for him during the University’s baccalaureate service on May 12.

In case you are unfamiliar with Gary Bauer, let the Falwell U. website refresh your memory…

Gary Bauer formed the Campaign for Working Families (CWF) in 1996 to represent the interests and values of America’s traditional families in the political arena. The organization is a non-partisan political action committee (PAC) dedicated to electing pro-family, pro-life and pro-free enterprise candidates to federal and state offices.

In its first two years of operation, CWF (www.cwfpac.com) raised more than $7 million to become the fifth largest PAC in the country for the 1998 election cycle and the leading pro-family, pro-life political action committee in America.

CWF also provides support for pro-family ballot initiatives, including the successful Defense of Marriage initiatives in Alaska, California, Nebraska, Nevada, and Hawaii, as well as a parental notification initiative in Colorado. Mr. Bauer, a committed follower of Jesus Christ, speaks often in evangelical churches, including the Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia.

…
In 1988, he took the reigns of the Family Research Council, a lobbying organization that upholds conservative and Christian ideals, holding that post until 1999 when he announced his campaign to run for president of the United States. While that campaign was short-lived, Mr. Bauer has continued to be one of the nation’s foremost Christian spokesmen.

What are some of the “highlights” of the FRC?

Let the “People for the American Way” website hip you.

· FRC’s objective is to establish a conservative Christian standard of morality in all of America’s domestic and foreign policy.

· FRC has dedicated itself to working against reproductive freedom, sex education, equal rights for gays and lesbians and their families, funding of the National Endowment for the Arts and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. FRC supports a school prayer amendment and would like to ‘disestablish’ the Department of Education.

· FRC has testified before congress on many “pro-family” issues, filed amicus briefs, and published a lot of reports that they regularly circulate to politicians.

· In September 2001, FRC’s president attacked President Bush for his “implicit endorsement of the homosexual political agenda” with the appointment of two openly gay men by the Bush administration.

· FRC has also defended the Boy Scout’s discriminatory practices against gay men and lesbians and has criticized the Girl Scouts for not having the same practice. FRC has joined many other right-wing conservative groups by attacking and boycotting Disney’s “gay-friendly” policies. FRC has lobbied against many “equal rights” measures that extend civil rights protections to gay and lesbian people, and has promoted the “ex-gay” movement as a way to combat civil rights measures for gay men and lesbians.

· FRC strives to ban all federal or state support for family planning services and overturn the right to an abortion. FRC is a strong supporter of “abstinence-only” education and opposes sex education that addresses contraception.

And…

Under Bauer, FRC became a division of Dr. James Dobson’s Focus on the Family from 1988 until October 1992, when IRS concerns about the group’s lobbying led to an amicable administrative separation. When Ralph Reed stepped down as executive director of the Christian Coalition, Bauer emerged as an emerging star of the religious right.

Rapture Roll Call!

Dobson!

Bauer!

Reed!

Falwell!

And now their new boot-scraper -- John McCain -- explaining why being the main-stage speaker at Falwell U. in no different than speaking at the New School. Or Ohio State.

Timmuh reminds Big John of the many, harsh things he once said about Mullah Jerry.

But McCain now avers that the man who blamed 9/11 on queers, feminists and the ACLU is no longer “an agent of intolerance.”

McCain now believe that the Christian Right has “a major part to play” in the Republican party.

That the “extremes” of the Right and Left are somehow both magically equidistant from the “Center” where McCain (and Tom Friedman) dwell. That the proper stance of this Fearless Maverick is to cut a puling, cowardly rug down the midline between theocracy and democracy.

Between Creationism and Science.

Between the 11th Century and the 21st.

Between Fear and Freedom.

Between Ignorance and Knowledge.

Between Hate and Hope.

Between Torquemada and Galileo.

Crooks and Liars has the video here.

As Founding Conservatives like Kevin Phillips and William Buckley bail out of the creepshow their movement has become at the hands of the Wahabi Christians...McCain sprints in his stiletto-heels and dog-collar in the direction of the conflagration carrying a jerry-can of gasoline in one hand and his polling numbers in the other.

Sloughing off his earlier, principled-skin by repeating that he doesn’t “look back in anger” like Frank Costanza shouting “Serenity Now!”, while getting visibly more furious as Timmuh repeated one “Straight Talk Express” quote from Classic McCain after another, asking him, in essence, to pinpoint the exact moment when New McCain decided to eBay his soul to the enemies of Democracy for remaindered prices.

By the end of four minutes of direct questioning, the Junior Senator from Lynchburg was a seething, tired old man, biting his words out between clenched teeth.

“I used to burn bridges,” he says, “Now I build them.”



Build them right into the heart of motherfucking Mordor.

Which is why McCain – more than almost any other man – has become the very embodiment of the idea that, in the Age of Dubya, you can either be a Good Republican or a Good American, but you can no longer be both.

And which is why, somewhere beyond the Wall of Dis, Jerry Falwell is giving thanks to his Deathgod for helping him score

the sweetest piece of AARP ass in Arizona.