No but if you hummer few bars…
‘Tis the season for iPod accessories. And just when you thought every possible sleeve, hardcase, FM Radio Base Station, leg-warmer, tune-cozy, lo-carb-wrap, digitally-carburated-one-hitter, and nose-puppy had been invented, packaged and marketed for MP3 players comes this from the good people people at Shiny Shiny.
Via Gizmodo…
Audi-Oh iPod Vibrator
Here’s one for the ladies. The Audi-Oh audio vibrator buzzes in time to any music you run through its audio jack. Want a quickie? Plug in some polka. Want a long and luxurious barn burner? Try Gregorian chant interspersed with NIN. The possibilities are endless. You can even hit a club or go see the Boston Pops and pipe the live audio into your love flower.
I don’t think the world of audio-didonics has been sufficiently explored and this is really a step in the right direction. Soon women will no longer need us. They’ll just need a long train going by. It’s available for $69.95 at the aptly-named Grand Opening.
And just like that, the market for Whale Sound CDs skyrockets, and suddenly the stock-boys at Sam Goode have to use armed guards to get palette trucks (upcoming shameless homonym pun intended) of “The Sacred Tantric Chants of Tibetan Throat Singers” into the store.
So run, gentlemen (and certain ladies), do not walk. Remember, in the arena of pleasurification, technology is your friend, and there is still time before the War on Christmas is over and the January White Sale Armistice is signed to snag one of these for your wife, fiancé, lover, g-friend, significant other or sex buddy.
Because it may well hold the title of:
Best. Stocking. Stuffer. Ever.
17 comments:
Billboard magazine headline:
Surprises at Top of Charts!
Retailers expressed surprise at an inexplicable resurgence in the popularity of classical music at the retail counter.
"Right out of nowhere, people are lined up for stuff we never sell. I had three women asking for "Flight of the Bumblebee" before lunchtime," said Al Capella, a clerk at Virgin Records.
Tom Bohn, a bus driver, can verify that there has been a newfound interest in the music of Gioachino Rossini. "There was a lady on the bus this morning with headphones on real loud, and I could hear the William Tell Overture. She was really into it, too, because she kept yellling 'Hi Yo, Silver, Away' at the top of her lungs."
Other classics enjoying rebirth at the sales counter include Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and the 15 hour "Der Ring des Niebelungen", which retails for a cool $163.00. "Worth every damn penny," said one shopper as the Sam Goddy clerk wrapped up her 14-disc boxed set. "Now get the fuck out of my way. It's a three-day weekend and I don't want to waste it standing around a record store," said the anxious opera lover.
Oh, please stop! If I laugh any harder, I'm going to (a) wet myself and (b) convince everyone who's still left at the office that I've truly gone 'round the bend.
And they said the Furbie was going to be this years new hottest toy out on the market...somehow, I truly doubt it since I saw Santa and asked him for something a little more grown up! *grin*
I can see that I'm going to have to get out the bagpipes again.
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