What elephants?

I don't see any elephants.

Republican commentor "Lex" raises the following:

One cautionary note, which, given that I'm a Republican, you might be suspicious of, but what the hey: It now looks as if indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff may be taking not only some GOP Congressional leaders but also Reid and other Democrats down with him.

And if that happens? Democrats have to throw Reid an anvil. Otherwise, you're no better than the crowd now running things.

OK, Lex, pop quiz:

Q: What are the first three words out of the the pie hole of every fucking Republican whose party gets caught en masse fucking the family dog, waging an illegal war while looting the treasury?

A: "B-b-b-but the Democrats..."

So why exactly are you people such pussies?

Is it some kind of congenital defect that makes the GOP cower like puling children when it comes to policing the degenerate liars that run your Party, but you happily will bring down the whole fucking government over blowjobs?

See, Lex, it's people just like you that your Party of God relies on to aid and abet them in their criminal, hateful, ruinous behavior...because they know with perfect certainty that a Republican rank-and-filer will always put Party ahead of country.

I mean, don't you get tired of knowing that the men you elect think of you as chumps? Rubes kept scared so stupid of non-existent Evil Liberals in the press and in the Congress that you will actually vote to have you own dick slowly ground off with a belt sander rather than wake up and look at your Party leadership with unclouded eyes, and then act on what you see.

I have no idea what your background is, but by-and-large I have found it safe to assume that anyone still self-identifying as a Republican after the last five years is either suffering from some rare tropical fever that radically diminishes one's IQ or they believe Jesus personally tells them which underpants to buy and which people to despise. Or maybe the thought of being in the same Party as all those brown people just makes their flesh crawl.

Whichever, I'll make this reeeeally simple:

Remember Bill Clinton?

Remember eight years of peace and prosperity and surpluses?

Remember how eight years of peace and prosperity and surpluses drove you people absolutely barking, ass-chomping berserk with rage?

Remember how you hated it enough that your Party spend seven years and God alone knows how many tens of millions on smear campaigns, outright lies and a partisan hack of a Special Persecutor who was God Damned Well gonna get Bill Clinton no matter what he had to do or who he had to destroy to do it?

Remember the illegal daily leaks that came out of the Starr whorehouse, just in time for the news-cycle and always embarrassing to Clinton?

Remember the endless investigations and hearings and headlines?

Remember Newt Gingrich and his "LIttle Red GOP Phrase Book"?

Remember Rush-rooms full of bile-drunk Australopithecine Republicans?

Remember Party Leader Jerry Falwell pimping the "Vince Foster Suicide Conspiracy" tapes?

And having laid waste to respectful public discourse as a matter of strategy – of pure Republican Party partisan policy -- remember how you fucktards wandered around in the rubble you had created and wondered why people weren’t playing nice any more?

See, it is a primary Republican characteristic that you have no problem with a Neocon or a Christopath pounding the shit out of a feminist or a homosexual or a Liberal or an environmentalist or an African American…as long as the beating is one-sided and the victim just curls up and takes it. You Party gibbers and dances and Turn Rush Up Louder. But Republicans are also basically gutless, so when they victim pops up off the mat and takes the fight to you, Republicans freak right out.

Suddenly you grab up your skirts, leap up on the table, and in a falsetto high enough to shatter the skulls of mice on the opposite side of the planet you keen that Liberals and hateful and Liberals are mean and Liberals won’t cooperate anymore.

Well if you want to shut all of us Mean Liberals up, it’s really incredibly simple...because you yourself Very Loudly set the standard for your own fucking behavior just seven short years ago..

Your Party of moral jellyfish were the ones who ran for office as the Party of Personal Responsibility.

Your President is a simp that has no qualifications for the job of President whatsoever

You're the Party that straps Liberty across the sawhorse and ass-rape her, while telling her that that she won't catch nuthin' because you have the Flag and the Robe of Christ wrapped around your diseased wang.

You're the Party that uses "je-heee-sus" as punctuation in your long oratorios about how Righteous and Wonderful you are, and how my crew is controlled by feminazis and blowjobbers and those awful, AWFUL people that keep insisting that Dubya and his junta tell the simple truth about the Iraqi horror show they have visited on us.

All of the “good” Republicans jndeed to do to shut people like me the hell up is to take a year off and actually act like a Party of Personal Responsibility. Actually bring the criminals that run your Party to book. Actually get mad at them for what they have done, and own up to the fact that you were a fool for believing them.

Demand that the criminals go to jail and the ginners-up-of war and the outers-of-spies be shot, or at least rot in Graybar hell for the rest of their despicable lives.

Demand that the Christopaths hit the fucking road. Tell them that there is no place in the Party of Lincoln for their kind of despicable, Wahabi perversion of genuine Christianity.

Demand that the bigots and Segregationists hit the road too. Tell them there is no place in a Party founded in opposition to slavery for slavery’s mutant grand children.

See the thing is, you won!! Yay!!!! You’ve got the courts, the Congress, the White House and most of the Governor’s Mansions. You ran the table, which makes you responsible.

Can you say that?

R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-E.

That means you decide, and shit happens. And when that shit also happens to hit the fan, do you even realize what miserable, cowardly little bitches you sound like when you scamper all the way back to 1994 and try to hide behind Bill Clinton.

Prove up...or prove to the world, once and for all, that Republicans are simply unfit to govern.

To loot, yes.

Lie, slime, kneecap, whimper, fuck up, play with your Peter Principle ‘til it falls off, mispronounce nuclear…yes.

Call Democrats traitors for asking any tough questions before you drunk-walked us into the greatest foreign policy disaster in U.S. history…and then call them traitors for not assuming you were treasonous liars and asking even tougher questions now that Dear Leader has stranded us in Iraq…yes.

But unless you stand up like grownups and actually act on all your pretty rhetoric, you show your ass to the rest of humanity and all of history that you really are basically stupid children who think if you vote for the sun to never rise and reveal your sins in the cold morning light, then somehow no bright day of reckoning will ever come.

So do these things -- toss out the thugs and the bigots and the Falwells and the Dobsons, the Limbaughs the Santorums, the Hannitys and the Coulters, the Robertsons and the DeLays -- toss out all the shambling beasts and ambulatory disease vectors that infest and control the GOP...and the five of you that are left in the Party of Lincoln can come around here and bathe me in cavil lecture on the proper behavior and priorities of Liberals all day long.

And I will sit patiently and listen and smile and nod.

Hell, for that I'll take the day off of work and buy the first round.