Who says Fitzmas comes but once a year?
It's apparently more of a pagan holiday. A solsticey or equinoxical kinda dealie.
Read on and see for yourself in this rare Sunday Mornin' dip into the warm, gray waters of the print media.
But this exception has a purpose. Oh my yes it does...
Another Grand Jury for Leak Case
Move Follows Woodward Talks
By Carol D. Leonnig and Jim VandeHei
Washington Post Staff Writers
Saturday, November 19, 2005; A01
The prosecutor in the CIA leak case said yesterday that he plans to present evidence to another federal grand jury, signaling a new and potentially significant turn in the investigation into the unmasking of CIA operative Valerie Plame.
Three weeks after indicting I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby and declaring the investigation nearly complete, Special Counsel Patrick J. Fitzgerald announced a new phase in the investigation after the disclosure this week that a senior administration official revealed Plame's CIA connection to Washington Post Assistant Managing Editor Bob Woodward in mid-June 2003.
Legal experts said Fitzgerald's decision to call upon a new grand jury is all but certainly because he is considering additional criminal charges in the case.
...
So this morning at the Mouse Circus we witnessed another seasonal and time-honored Fitzmas tradition, because really, what is Fitzmas without the imbibing of the traditional holiday intoxicants, the merry carnal romping of good little Liberal boys and girls in many exciting configurations...and the rerunning of a Holiday Classic on Every Fucking Channel until it's beaten to aspic and served up as the traditional Fitzmas Pudding.
Today it was All Rummy, All The Time.
or
"It's a Rumderful Life."
And of course, like the "Condi Horror Picture Show", these well-remembered lines from this family classic have become such a part of our national culture that you -- the home viewer -- should feel free to shout along in the privacy of your domicile, or yurt, or in the 802.11 camaraderie of your local beer-vending WiFi hotspot.
Here we find the hapless George Failey talking to his Vice President, desperately looking for someone on whom he dump the blame for his "crisp" and catastrophically stupid decisions.
George: I've heard of things like this. You've got me in some kind of a spell, or something. Well, I'm going to get out of it. I'll get out of it. I know how, too. I'm gonna have a coupla dozen Martinis!
Here, George tries to wheedle "Nick the Bartender" into giving him more free drinks, and who George inexplicably keeps insisting on calling "Mandate".
The bartender is masterfully portrayed by the American Public,
while Dick Cheney puts in his usual, workmanlike performance as George's "Guardian Enforcer".
Public: And that's another thing. Where do you come off calling me "Mandate"?
George: Well, "Mandate", tha..that's your name.
Public: What's that got to do with it? I don't know you from Gannon's trollop ass.
(pause)
Public: Hey! Hey, you, Rummy there! Come here! Come here! Didn't I tell you never to come chickenhawking around here, huh?
George: Don! Don Rumsfeld! What...what is he... Rummy! This is George Failey. Don't you know me?
Rummy: Fuck No!
George: Hey, Mandate, Mandate...Isn't that Don Rumsfeld, my Secretary of Defense?
Public: You know, that's another reason for me not to like you. That lying, incompetent Neocon fucked up this war and got thousands of our kids killed. If you know him, you must be a war criminal yourself.
Public: Voters, would you show these idiots to the door?
And then there is the seminal cinematic scene (turning alliteration switch off now) when George confronts Dick
and desperately roots around like a truffle hog for some alibi -- ANY alibi -- that will let him skate.
Hey, maybe it's all just a dream!
Dick: You've been given a great gift, George...a chance to see what the world would be like with you as the worst President in the history of the United States.
George: Now wait a minute here. Wait a minute here. Aw, this is some sort of a funny dream I'm having here. So long, Mister, I-I'm going on vacation.
Dick: Vacation? What vacation? Listen dumbass, you're in the middle of a war that you started and that you're losing. You think people are going to stand for you flaking off out at Rancho Tipple ever again?
George: Now shut up! Cut it out. You're... You're... You're crazy. That's what I think. You're...You're screwy and you're driving me crazy, too! I'm popular. People love me. My poll ratings are...are...are...like 80%. I'm going to Crawford and I'm taking a six month rest. And Condi'll be there! And Karen! And Harriet! You understand that?
And you're not invited!
Dick: Zip your Jim Beam-hole, Junior, and let me think or I'll smack that dry-drunk smirk right off your face.
Again.
(Part II continued on next post...)
Post a Comment 72 Comments:
Like Al Franken said, don't think of it as "Fitzmas", but as "Fitzanukah" -- that first indictment was only DAY ONE. It's just a bit more spread out than Hanukah. Like maybe over a year. The gift that keeps on giving.
I'm old enough to remember -- it's beginning to feel a lot like 1973 around here. Impeachment is in the air.
I was just out of high school, and arguing with my Republican father about Nixon around the dinner table. I remember the day I came home with a copy of the Pentagon Papers...
6:25 PM
If I had an anvil, I'd sink 'em in the mornin, I'd sink 'em in the evenin', all over this laaand!
I'd toss one to Deelay
I'd toss one to Karl Rove
I'd hand out anvils of love between all of my brothers and my sisters
All over this land!
7:22 PM
Precious, just precious. I just could not help myself from laughing -- hearing Jimmy Stewart's oh so appropriate whine coming out of shrubya's mouth.
9:47 PM
You son of a bitch! You just robbed me of what could've been a great post for this Christmas!
Oh well, there's always that old standby, A Christmas Carol... unless you steal that idea, too!
Seriously, I've always wanted to do a Bush version of It's A Wonderful Life. Do you do your own Photoshopping?
Btw, a new Assclowns of the Week is up and I think it's a damned funny one, if I do say so myself. And let's have some comments this time, OK, guys?
OK?
9:57 PM
Abso-f***ing-lutely brilliant! Like triozyg said above, now I'll be hearing Jimmy Stewart in my head all day.
Not that there's anything different about that than any other day. It's just that today he'll be talking about Dick Cheney and not telling me to kill my coworkers....
7:49 AM
First set of tasks for the day done & now time to head crosstown for the next.
joe max,
I recall those heady days. There was a moment when the public -- the majority of whom had voted for Nixon, twice -- had a collective "Oh shit!" moment. That's when my Dad stopped talking about Nixon in glowing terms and started drinking even harder. That moment approaches again.
triozyg,
Gratzi :-)
jp,
"Where I steal, I leave my knife." Yeah, I do my own Photoshopping. Like decorating the Batcave, anonymity makes it necessary to be a one-man band.
Charles2,
It's Donna Reed who tells us to go postal.
Do not listen to Donna Reed.
See you later.
8:34 AM
Every time a bell rings, Pat Fitzgerald gets another indictment with wings.
9:56 AM
Man, if I had Photoshop, I'd really be dangerous. You have a gift for that software, DG.
If I had to do It's a Wonderful Life as a backdrop to the administration, I would've cast Cheney as Mr. Potter. There would've been the scene where George (how can you resist the identical first name?) talks about the Republicans doing most of the living and dying in Bedford Falls.
Then, on re-emerging back into his reality, he finds Patrick Fitzgerald waiting at his house and everyone in town piles money into a basket for his legal defense fund.
Merry Fitzmas.
(fade to black)
Ah, what could've been.
But you did a great job so I ain't too pissed.
Just don't let it happen again.
;-)
3:31 PM
The CIRCA 1970 Johnny Cash salutation ALSO goes out to that runt with a "c" (instead of an "r") from Texas, Who criticized Murtha, And the liberal Republican shrill from Maine who criticized him.
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