Monday, November 14, 2005

For too long, the nation has cried out


...for a new tongue twister.


For too long we Children of the Innovation Age have had to soldier on into the digital future with the antique wordplay of a bygone, sepia-toned analog era. A time of band concerts and whale-bone corsets. Of hand-cranked ice cream and honorable Republicans.

Well times have changed.

Now iPods come with penis sleeves and vaginal spelunking adapters in every designer color. And the latest generation of memory-plastic credit cards with new Mammon chip-sets don't even need you anymore; they can actually drive you into penury all by themselves. And yet we still make do with yesterday's rubber bumpers of baby buggies and seashore seashell selling without surcease. Skimping by with the same succession of consonantally similar sounds that rumbled West across the continent in Conastogas our great-grandfathers.

This was not the Glorious Tomorrow we were promised!

Well I have heard your lamentations, and although I am just one man, alone, with a cat biting my foot while I watch 1-minute-internet-porn teasers cut together like the “Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite” sequence from "2001"...I have nonetheless done my best to meet this need head on.

Ahem.

The pope procured a proper purple Papal paper stapler to staple proper purple Papal paper.


Thank you.

208 comments:

1 – 200 of 208   Newer›   Newest»
maurinsky said...

Dude, you are awesome.

jurassicpork said...

Ha ha ha ha.

As a personal aside, I got 1300 hits this weekend alone. Alas, I'm barely closing in on 400 before Blogspot shuts down for a couple of hours at 9 CST, but that is the fault of those dastradly Repugs at gostats, who, when they go down, as they always seem to to spite yourse truly, they do not count hits.

Someone is stealing hits from me.

(smek smek)

Thank you, Drifty. Living in these pernicious times makes one unreasonably paranoid. Because paranoia is never unreasonable in this Rethug day and age.

(smek smek)

Thank you. Keep doing that, DG.

MAC said...

Does that mean you're tongue-tied?

And I mean that in the best one-minute-internet-porn way.

Snicker, snicker.

Jake - but not that one said...

DG, I think you've been drinking.

Which doesn't seem to affect your wit at all. Just your typing. :)

Jake

Miss Cellania said...

Excuse me while I clean coffee off the screen AGAIN!

Loveandlight said...

On the same note, about two years ago, this headline appeared on the bottom of the front page in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

Officials bristle at bishop's epistle

US Blues said...

Getting a bit alliterative with us, bro.

driftglass said...

maurinsky,
nah.

jp,
Pard', we hang hitrustlers in these parts. I think I probably hit a threshold of some kind, which is /insert shrug here/. If I started paying attention to traffic, I'd drive myself nutty. When I get that itch -- and I do -- I tell myself to shaddap and keep typing. Otherwise I'd probably post a LOT more nekkid pix.

mac,
I.O.U 1 tongue-lashing ;-) And I'm reeeal good at it.

jake,
Not yet. Just tired/overwork-stupid and I have my computer set up in an awkward way, but for such a little post, this one did have just too many drops even for me, so I have corrected most of them.
Now for a wee dram...

Miss Cellania,
Not my doing. Have you perhaps voted God out of your town recently?
'Cause this sounds like just the kind of crazy stunt God would pull :-)

Loveandlight,
Now that's just damned funny.
Thanks.

driftglass said...

us blues,
Uh...I blame nitrogen narcosis. And Diebold.

MAC said...

Where are those weekend deals to Chicago when a girl needs 'em?

marquer said...


Miss Cellania said...
Excuse me while I clean coffee off the screen AGAIN!


Excuse me while I clean whiskey off the screen AGAIN!

And that does not come cheap, mind you.

Freakin' driftglass. Wasting years of the patient effort of the distilling community. Have you any idea how much proper copper kettles -cost- these days, what with bloody Chinee buying up all the scrap in sight?

--

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marquer, are those "Papal proper copper kettles"? Indeed, I often wonder how much it costs to procure proper Papal copper kettles.

driftglass said...

OK, I'm going to work now.
You people are nuts ;-)

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Here's the article that accompanied the headline. I thought you might find it mildly interesting, as it touches on one of your themes on this blog.

The Reverend Lovejoy said...

"One minute porn teasers"

Okay - TMIP (Too Much Information Pal!)

And not to play with matches or nuthin, but DG - you owe yourself a trip to the PNW (notice I didn't say 'The Beaver State', D'Oh!). 'They' understand your style of thinkin an fine drinkin more than you'd suppose, and Florence in the Fall is magnificent.
http://www.oregoncitylink.com/florence/

-an orygun ex-pat

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jurassicpork said...

Why does Falwell's skin remind me of a football?

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jp,
Because by strict, Biblical law, it is unclean?

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