Beautiful plumage.
If you aren’t familiar with Monty Python, well, first, shame on you, and second, this will make no sense to you whatsoever.
If you are a fan, well might very well not strike you as funny, but the minute it occurred to me I cracked up.
But then again, I am low and perverse...
(A conversation between George Will and George Bush.)
Mr. Will: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(Dubya does not respond.)
Mr. Will: 'Ello, Miss?
Dubya: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Will: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Dubya: I’m busy. Talk to Dick.
Mr. Will: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this SCOTUS Nominee what you dumped on me not half an hour ago from this very podium.
Dubya: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Will: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. She's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Dubya: No, no, she's uh,...she's resting.
Mr. Will: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Dubya: No no she's not dead, she's, she's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? No paper trail what-so-ever!
Mr. Will: The paper trail don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Dubya: Nononono, no, no! She’s resting!
Mr. Will: All right then, if she's restin', I'll wake her up! (shouting at the nominee) 'Ello, Miss Pretty Harriett! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you can just answer one or two questions about Roe versus...
(Dubya hits Harriet and reads off her entire resume, including the Cracker Barrel Greeter gig and typing speed.)
Dubya: There, she moved!
Mr. Will: No, she didn't, that was you hitting ‘er!
Dubya: I never!!
Mr. Will: Yes, you did!
Dubya: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Will: (yelling and hitting the nominee repeatedly) 'ELLO HARRIET!!!!! Marbury versus Madison! Testing! The majority and dissenting opinions on Loving v. Virginia! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes the nominee out of the cage and thumps her head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Will: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Dubya: No, no.....No, she's stunned!
Mr. Will: STUNNED?!?
Dubya: Yeah! You stunned her, just as she was gettin' ready to dazzle you with her judicial fabulouslness! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Will: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when you fobbed ‘er off on me not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that her total lack of qualifications and ultraconservative CV was due to her bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged fag bashing.
Dubya: Well, she's...she's, ah...probably pining for the Lottery Commission.
Mr. Will: PININ' for the LOTTERY COMMISSION?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did she fall flat on her back the moment you nominated her?
Dubya: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? No paper trail!
Mr. Will: Look, I took the liberty of examining that nominee when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been in the White House in the first place was that her lips had been nailed to your ass.
(pause)
Dubya: Well, o'course she was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, she would have nuzzled up to the federal court system, ripped it apart with her beak, and VOOM!
Mr. Will: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! She’s bleedin' demised!
Dubya: No no! She’s pining!
Mr. Will: She’s not pinin'! She’s passed on! This parrot is no more! She has ceased to be! She's expired and gone to meet ‘er maker! She's a stiff! Bereft of life, she rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed her to you ass she'd be deciding color patterns on Scratch-n-Win cards in Houston . Her metabolic processes are now 'istory! She’s gone Full Brownie! She’s kicked the bucket, she’s shuffled off 'er mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir incompetent!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
(pause)
Dubya: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.
Mr. Will: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Dubya: I got a Gonzalez.
(pause)
Mr. Will: Pray, does it adjudicate like a Scalia?
Dubya: Nnnnot really.
Mr. Will: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT FOR O’CONNOR, IS IT?!!?
Dubya: N-no, I guess not. (ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr. Will: Well.
(pause)
Dubya: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Mr. Will: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
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Python fan here; text loaded first of course, I read the text, had a very faint smile, but when the image loaded I about busted a gut. So it works for me.
10:23 PM
I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars.
11:38 PM
I'm not dead yet...
I'm feeling better...
I think I'll go for a walk
11:53 PM
Outstanding. Of course, as usual I have some criticisms. Shouldn't she have been called 'Arriet?
And wouldn't the Eric the Fish sketch have been better? 'Arriet the 'Alf-Nominee sounds about right.
Just kidding of course. Marvelous. I particularly liked "She's gone Full Brownie!" In fact I think that this has got to be the catchphrase of the young century, standing for full bore incompetence: "He/She has gone Full Brownie!"
12:22 AM
I actually missed the "full brownie" line the first time. I was distracted by "If you hadn't nailed her to you ass she'd be deciding color patterns on Scratch-n-Win cards in Houston" which may be the funniest thing I've read this week.
2:26 AM
Kudos!
3:24 AM
Every nominee is sacred.
Every nominee is great.
If a nominee gets wasted,
God gets quite irate!
3:34 AM
y'all made my day :-) Now I get to leave for the racing of the rats with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
Always look on the bright side of life...
6:08 AM
and how many Democratic senators will vote for this dead parrot?
I am on the verge of saying the hell with the Democratic Party. If they won't oppose Nero then why support them?
8:40 AM
"Bring out yer dead..."
10:12 AM
I apologize in advance, but this came to me after my last post, and yes, it is part of the routine:
G'day Bruce!
How are ya Bruce?...
Blimey it's hot in here!
Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, he said, and she smiled quietly to herself...
10:29 AM
I just want to remind everyone of the blog rules:
Rule 1: NO SPAMMERS!
Rule 2: No blogger is to maltreat the trolls in any way at all--if there's anybody watching.
Rule 3: NO SPAMMERS!
Rule 4: Now listen here--I don't want to catch anybody drinking the metaphoric Kool-Aid of the Elephascist McMedia. (The literal beverage is acceptable)
Rule 5: NO SPAMMERS!
Rule 6: There will be NOOO--rule 6.
Rule 7: NO SPAMMERS!
Anyone caught violating these rules will be prematurely rescued from Castle Anthrax by the Spanish Inquisition and poked in the comfy chair with a dead parrot, then confined to the Argument Clinic for 30 days on a diet of Crunchy Frog chocolates and Chateau Chunder! And if you're really unlucky, you may get a cross-dressing lumberjack for a cellmate! You have been warned!
The Acting Deputy Minister of Silly Walks, Ivory Bill Woodpecker
11:52 AM
Hmmm, on further reflection, I'm sure someone could do something with:
Senator: Ms. Miers, what qualifications do you have for the judgeship?
Ms. Miers: I told you once.
Senator: No you didn't.
Ms. Miers: Yes, I did.
Senator: No, you didn't. Didn't ever!
Ms. Miers: Time! Thank you.
12:17 PM
Brilliant! But what the hell is that look on his face?
3:44 PM
But, but..... Wasn't that a scene in Dumb and Bumber?
Oh, wait. Sorry, that was a dead, headless parrikeat. It was a poor rip off of MP.
My bad.
But, really, with George Will and Dubya, wouldn't Dumb and Dumber be a better movie to use?
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8:08 PM
Is this the part where BadTux the Penguin blogger explodes on top of our monitors?
It's notable that Bush's supporters who helped prop him him up in the White House are now eating him like a rotten Eucharist. The conservative blogs are also wielding some much-needed brickbats at his pointy head as well as wingnuts like Ann Cunter.
Anyone think Harry Reid's tacit, conditional approval of Harriet is actually a ploy to get the GOP all a'lather?
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The right-wing blowjob artists?????????????.
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Santorum is probably an ardent contributor to the Taj Mahoney.
12:48 PM
"Bruce here teaches logical positivism and is also in chaaaage of the sheep dip."
Well, at least we know what SCOTUS 'Arriet will do...
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