Missing cookies? What other explaination could there be?
This (from the odious NewsMax) or some variant thereof has been floating around like algae bloom on the Randall Terry Republican sites for days: “A certified nursing assistant who cared for Terri Schiavo in 1997 filed a sworn affidavit in the case stating that she was able to feed Schiavo normally on multiple occasions - but that husband Michael Schiavo would allow only a feeding tube.”
This is the same person that alleged that Michael Schiavo complained that "that bitch" wasn't dead yet, that she could feed Terri Schaivo Jello, that she sat up, was attentive, etc. In other words, the headwater for a lot of Wingnut Bullet Points.
The Face that launched a Thousand Crayola-Scrawled Signs.
Now a credulous four-year-old or an average GOP voter might find this persuasive – like missing cookies and milk on Christmas Day “proves” Santa Claus was taking his Elf Union Authorized 15-minute break in your living room – but what about what Paul Harvey used to call, “The rest of the story?”
Glad you asked.
Paging John Doggit.
This sort idiocy rests at the bewildering heart of the Hard Right.
Why is the Hard Right always so predictably, drooling eager to believe such a torrent of half-assed nonsense, half-truths or outright lies? Why they are so invincibly incapable of even a moment’s reflections on the faint possibility that they might be wrong?
Why they are so willing to believe any ragged, crazy shit that is pulled out of Limbaugh's or DeLay's or Coulter's nether-regions like The Amazing Fecal-o producing mile after mile of shit-stained handkerchiefs out of thin air?
The answer is Fundamentalism: the belief that the Bible is the literal and inerrant Word of God. To believe that One Big Lie that under-girds an entire cult movement that, in turn, owns and operates the Republican Party, you must be willing to trade your soul and free will for faux certainty. You must declare yourself openly and eternally at war with Science, Fact and Truth and once you travel down that road, you are lost. Well and truly fucked.
Then again, without the slack-jawed credulity of the Big Dumb Right, endlessly emptying their change-purses into the coffers of Solar-Corona-Haired Poltroons and getting their mental health treatments by the Laying of Hands on the teevee and praying extra special hard during Jack Van Impe...
... the market for Petroleum-Based Jesus Trinkets, Virgin Mary Douche (For that Immaculately Fresh Feeling) and Velvet Artwork would surely crash...
...hucksters and whores by the thousand would be driven from their Mega Churches and 700 Club sofas and Congressional Seats into cardboard boxes under bridges, begging for scraps. Reduced to turning Two Dollar Indulgence Tricks on the street-corners. Leaning into open car windows at three in the morning, hawking their shabby wares: “Hey Baby! Wanna do some Forgiveness?”...
...the feeble, feudal economy that will be Bush’s real legacy will well and truly collapse. Chinese Bankers will begin sending their shirts to Peoria for dry cleaning (“Ancient Illinois Secret my ass!”), ‘cause hey, can’t beat ‘Murrica for cheap Fundy labor...
...and the Terrorists will finally win.
So on second thought, keep on keepin’ on, PVS Fundamentalists.
And Remember: Jeb and George Bush Stabbed Sweet Baby Jesus in the Back.