Thursday, December 21, 2017

Rip Van Brokaw Bestirs Himself

Over the past several years MSNBC has been economizing (and passing the savings along to you, ya damn ingrates!) by raiding the anchorman catacombs to bring its viewers the mortal remains of  luminaries of the 1990s such as Tom Brokaw.  Up until today, Mr. Brokaw's task has been to sit upright alongside other members of the Elite Beltway Insiders Club and cluck his tongue at the awful awfulness of Both Sides Doing It!

Here he is just last September sharing a fainting couch with Chuck Todd and David Fucking Brooks:

And here he is last November whinging on about, well, you know:
...that creaking noise you heard during the rest of  "Meet the Press" That was the sound of Both Siderist wagons being circled as all the Very Best People agreed that is was just terrible what Both Sides had done this election year:

Nicolle Wallace posts up a decent assessment of what's going on with her party:
NICOLLE WALLACE:  ... the real work, I think is on the Republican side to really go and understand why the base of our party selected him. They chose him over 16 other people. And if we try -- if he should come up short and we try to move on, business as usual, let's get back to our free trade agenda, you know and strong vote-- it'll be a disaster for a generation. I mean, the work at least, on the right, has to be in piecing back together this coalition.
But Tweety just has to jump in with "Sure, but if we lived in an alternate universe where everything was different then the other party might have done better, so Both Sides!"
CHRIS MATTHEWS:  I think that the Democrats have to listen, too. I mean, if this election goes as your polls showing it going with Hillary winning, there's still a huge minority of the country, almost 50-50 and probably more that would've voted for Trump if it weren't for Trump. His issues were powerful. He tapped into anger.
And now we are off to the races... (emphasis added):
CHRIS MATTHEWS: It was trade. It was uncontrolled immigration. Wars we probably shouldn't have fought. And he put it all together in this perfect storm of anger. And he addressed it. He didn't create it. I don't even know if he believes it, you know? The monkey typed Merry Christmas. I don't know. But the fact is the Democrats ought to recognize that they didn't win this argument. They didn't win the argument if they win the election. And they better be careful about that.

JOSE DIAZ-BALART: ... And I think that what we're seeing on the one side, a caudillo-type attitude and on the other side you have allegations or at least a lot of people who believe there's corruption and impunity. Those are things that we see in other countries. We shouldn't see in this country.

TOM BROKAW:   One other thing is, we're not talking about the monster in the closet. We're not talking about social media. What happens the day after? With all of the site out there who are dedicated and, in many instances, left and right to the destruction of the opposition, by whatever means necessary and they have an enormous reach...

CHUCK TODD:  We're going to see the "I" word no matter who wins, impeachment proceedings. I mean, we sort of laugh it off but they may begin no matter who wins, right Nicolle?

And now, one year later, here is the Dean of American Journalism suddenly discovering that -- OMFG! -- Fox News is Teh suX0rz (as the beatniks say) and Newt Gingrich is a wretched, lying pig.

Next up from Rip Van Brokaw: 
Enron:  Capitalism's Bright Future or Too Good To Be True?
Because nothing gets past this guy.


Except the last couple of decades of American political history.

Just go back to sleep, Tom.  Your network will decant you again when there's a Democrat in the White House for you to yell at for not comporting themselves with sufficient deference and reaching across the aisle with sufficient humility.

Behold, a Tip Jar!

And at no additional charge to you the reader, here is my murky recollection of Tom Brokaw's turn at the head of the Big Table way back in July of 2008...

On “Meet the Press”

Tom Brokaw "interviews" Al Gore. Then David Gregory (Chief White House Correspondent, NBC News) and Chuck Todd (Political Director, NBC News) dance their way into our hearts.

Brokaw: Isn’t T. Boone Pickens a douche?

Gore: No.

Brokaw: Shouldn’t you be Vice President? Or some kind of Czar?

Gore: Meh.

Brokaw: Aren’t congressional Democrats sucky losers?

Gore: No.

Brokaw: Isn’t Hillary Clinton nine kinds of bad crazy?

Gore: No.

Brokaw: Why can’t we do more drilling for oil to save us all from the terrible terribleness of changing anything ever? Huh? Huh?

Gore: We’ve already leased out enough land to start a whole ‘nother country.

Brokaw: But won’t there be pain? Won’t it be hard work? Won’t truck drivers hate you? Won’t children suffer and widdle puppies cry?

Gore: This is not a debate anymore, Tom, so why are you still asking me retarded questions?

Brokaw nods toward the camera and mouths “a-u-d-i-e-n-c-e o-f s-t-o-o-p-i-d-s”.

Gore: Oh. Yeah.

Brokaw: Besides, I din’t say the climate thingy isn't real! I din’t! I said there are debates over emphasis and timing.

Brokaw: If we set a timetable for getting off of carbon-based fuel, won’t carbon-based fuel just wait until we have left and then WHAMMO! The terrorists win?

Gore: Whammo? Really?

Brokaw: Have you called the Clintons recently?

Gore: I tried, but they were having a thing. And then they called back when I was calling them, and we missed each other. Then my phone’s base unit freaked out. Then I was in the shower. Then I forgot to turn off call forwarding. Then there was the time difference. Then my rates changed. Then...

Brokaw: Were you aware that Hillary Clinton is…a woman?

Gore: Yes. Also, Barack Obama is black, and Bill Richardson is Hispanic.

Brokaw: Isn’t “Hispanic” a derogatory terms, combining…as it…does (carefully reads notes) the sexist term “His” and the hysterical-lady word “panic”?

Gore: No.

Brokaw: How about your former testicle-cozy, Joe Lieberman?

Gore: Who?

Brokaw: Thank you, former Vice Pwesident, Ow Gohhw.

Gore: That’s “Al Gore”. “Vice President Al Gore”

Brokaw: Aww Goo.

Gore: “Al Gore”

Brokaw: Ladies and gentlemen, Ahh Glllh.

Gore: Ok this is how you end, Brokaw!

Gore Power Go!

Form of my Carbon Footprint

Up your ass!

Then, later, NBC’s Tom Brokaw asks NBC’s David Gregory and NBC’s Chuck Todd if it possible for NBC’s “Meet the Press” to be any more incestuous than it already is.

Brokaw: Isn’t it true that Al Gore is radioactive!

Gregory: Yes. And fat. And Orson Welles was also fat. And by the Generally Accepted Punditry Transitive Nanny-Nanny Boo-Boo rule, that means Gore is trying to take credit for “Citizen Kane” and “Touch of Evil”. Also that he died in 1985.

Brokaw: Having to talk about Teh Iraq and Teh Economy is confusing. Can we maybe have something big, single issue called “Teh Iraqonomy”? Because that would be both cool.

Brokaw (actual quote): If Obama buys a latte this week and listens to the barista…

Makes my kinda wonder what would happen if Brokaw had said "If McSame sends Lieberman to the drug store to buy him the August issue of Juggs and a palette truck of Depends, and listens to the cashier…"

1 comment:

Jason said...

DG, your babel fish interpretations of interviews/debates is the mystery science theater 3000 of politics. Oh, and fuck Tom "I'm still a respectable news type guy and screw the left" Brokaw.