Monday, September 26, 2016

Sunday Morning Comin' Down

Norris: Are you attempting to tell me my duties, sir?

Philip Marlowe: No, just having fun trying to guess what they are.

-- The Big Sleep, 1946

I don't know what Hugh Hewitt's duties are, but I do know they don't come within a city block of any definition of "journalism" that would stand up in court.

Here is Comcast employee and Trump myrmidon, Hugh Hewitt expressing his horror at the thought of someone fact-checking Donald Trump because something something Hillary Clinton wouldn't like it very much if Lester Holt called her a liar too, now would she, hmm??

Because "facts" in the Hughniverse (yes, that's a real thing) are "subjective things" once again proving that the sentient roaches of the 28th Century who programmed Hugh Hewitt and sent him back to destroy America do not have a firm grasp of the meaning of English words.

He then goes on to actually cite Cardinal Ross "Chunky Bobo" Douthat (stop laughing!) who spent his 800 contractually obligated New York Time's words this week inveighing against oppressive Leftism and Samantha Bee and whateverthefuck, once again proving that, Jesus Christ of Sunnybrook Farm, Conservatism literally cannot beg, borrow or buy a decent brain for all the money in the Fox News sexual harassment settlement war chest:

Later on the Hugh Hewitt channel, Hugh Hewitt stopped by (what are the odds!?!) to stink up Joy Ann Reid's little corner of human decency.  There was the name-checking of Benghazi (in his telling, Secretary Clinton "fled" the State Department because Benghazi), fretting about the "hard Left" Supreme Court that would last 1,000 years under a Clinton dictatorship, and a Dire Warning that Iran already has Hillary Clinton's number ... because they have copies of her emails ... because some caller on his radio show told him so.

In fact, the answer to every single question about Donald Trump's lying and belligerent idiocy was a robotic "But Hillary Clinton..." because as we have already established with expert testimony, Hugh Hewitt is an android sent from the future to destroy America:

Finally, on the Hugh Hewitt channel's Very Special Episode of "Meet the Android Sent From the Future to Destroy America", when Hugh Hewitt is asked the following, very straightforward question by Mr. Chuck Todd:
CHUCK TODD:  Yeah, his transparency issue though, Hugh, you can see the Charlotte police chief has been grappling with this. On one hand the investigation, but they didn't release the full video and so it didn't erase the skepticism.
What we get by way of a response is another long, rambling, discursive "But Hillary Clinton..." answer that -- Jesus Christ and the Velveteen Rabbit! -- once again trots out Ross Douthat's NYT droppings about the suffocating Leftism of Samantha Bee or whatever --
HUGH HEWITT: No and it won't be gone for a long time. I think it's unfortunate that we're not spending more time on the first lady embracing the former President yesterday and we are spending more time on transparency as we have to. I think that for many in the country that's all one event. Charlotte, Tulsa and the presidential race and the national anthem are all one event. But for a lot of the country the national anthem is a different event. And I would recommend Ross Douthat's column this week: Hillary Clinton's Samantha Bee problem. A lot of people are feeling suffocated by the cultural left and they don't associate it with race, they associate it with being overwhelmed by change. And I think it's the most important column that's been written this week.
-- as if it were the most insightful flare set off against the dark night of the human condition since William Faulkner's 1950 Nobel Prize acceptance speech:
Our tragedy today is a general and universal physical fear so long sustained by now that we can even bear it. There are no longer problems of the spirit. There is only the question: When will I be blown up? Because of this, the young man or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself which alone can make good writing because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat.
I have no idea what Hugh Hewitt's duties actually are.  Nor do I know the duties of the men who hire such reeking frauds as Hugh Hewitt and prop them up on teevee over and over again trying to pass them of as credible.  But I do know those duties don't come within a country mile of any definitions of "honorable", "decent" or "patriotic" that can stand up to the withering and righteous judgement of history.  


Frank Stone said...

The second paragraph got cut off. Also there's a typo in "Hughniverse". Other than that, great job as usual.

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good morning, Mr. Glass.

That poor, second sentence. Cut down in its prime. :(

Be seeing you.

steeve said...

I remember my church talking about the awful relativism of secular humanists. How those nasty liberals proclaim everything as "true for you but not for me", and how the inability to acknowledge a foundation would let people declare their own fleeting habits to be the highest morality.

Now look what they're reduced to. Facts are subjective because conservatism would be dead if they weren't, and their last resort when defeated is "can't I be allowed to have my opinion?"

driftglass said...

Thanks everyone. That 2nd sentence is now upstate, playing happily on a lovely farm w/ other fragments.

Kevin Holsinger said...

By Grapthar's Hammer, the second sentence has been avenged. :)

Neo Tuxedo said...

But I do know those duties don't come within a country mile of any definitions of "honorable", "decent" or "patriotic" that can stand up to the withering and righteous judgement of history.

To paraphrase Churchill, history will be kind to them, for they intend that nobody shall survive to write it.

RUKidding said...

I barely know who Samantha Bee is, and I mainly know about her bc of RWNJ like the Hewitt droid whining about her. It's amazing that this one lefty woman can so powerfully & thoroughly oppress repress & depress all conservatives. Tisk tisk. Their morals ethics & dogma must not be up to snuff.

Dave McCarthy said...

"...debatable set of conclusions based on disparate evidence..." is a cute little bit of code.

Actual reality= one source of evidence

WND/Breitbart= another source of evidence

Who's to tell what's right? Certainly not a JOURNALIST!

Dave McCarthy said...

wow. Just listened to Joy Ried bitchslap Baby Huey over what does and does not qualify as "expert testimony".

GodDAMN, she's great!

Jimbo said...

RU Kidding: As I've said many times, conservatives do not understand humor or irony, which is why they don't understand someone like Samantha Bee (or any of the other folks from The Daily Show, etc.). Also, "facts have a well-known liberal bias."

Andrew Harris said...

To jump off of Jimbo's point: I know conservatives who are still flummoxed by The Colbert Report. They don't get it and don't know why people found it funny. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Dave McCarthy said...

RU Kidding- I hope you acquaint yourself with Sam Bee; she's a national treasure. She and John Oliver carry the torch for Jon Stewart...