Saturday, February 20, 2016

Sunday Morning Comin' Down -- Early Edition

This week the duty of fulfilling the terms of the Beltway's contract with the Dark One to give camera time to rare albino Capuchin monkey and wingnut talking point delivery system, Hugh Hewitt --

 -- falls once again to Mr. Chuck Todd of "Meet the Press."

I presume Mr. Hewitt's job will be to make that awkward transition between whatever travesty de jour his Republican party has visited on us today (plus Jeb Bush's 11th place finish in South Carolina) and Hillary Clinton's emails which, for sure, she's gonna go to jail for any day now!

The Mustache of Understanding will pop up on "Fareed Zakaria GPS" and see his shadow, guaranteeing at least six more weeks of columns defending Wall Street and trying to snare a New Deal Democrat like Bernie Sanders and a 15th Century Spanish Inquisitor like Ted Cruz in the same net of terrible, terrible prose.

Ruth (David Brooks in a frumpy dress) Marcus of The Washington Post and Mary Katharine Ham of Hot Air will both appear on Fox News' "MediaBuzz", possibly to help Heidi Przybyla of USA Today search for her lost vowels.

Somebody gave up the address of disgraced former senator Alfonse D'Amato's safe house, and the guys and gals at Fox News' "Sunday Morning Futures" have got him!

Hey, did someone say "disgraced former"? 

Yes, America's most famous intercontinental chaser of tail and office abandoner, Mark Sanford, will be on CNN's "State of the Union" to explain why inbred South Carolina Republican hill folk will forgive literally anything a wingnut politician does so long as he promises to love Jebus, hate the Kenyan Usurper and use a condom if he's gonna take the goat around back for a quick round of "Firing on Fort Sumter". 

And finally, if you've ever wondered what it would be like to be hit in the head with a power drill and a pillowcase full of lard at the same time. be sure to tune in to "Fox News Sunday" to hear Karl Rove and Laura Ingraham lie to you across a whole range of unpleasant audio frequencies.

(h/t to The Orlando Sentinel for the early line on this week's crimes against the First Amendment)


bowtiejack said...

I'm sorry but there's a typo or something on your posting.
You left out all the liberals/progressives/democrats?
I mean if both sides do it, don't sides have to be represented?

dinthebeast said...

" if he's gonna take the goat around back" That would probably actually be a sheep; the goat would but him into next week...

-Doug in Oakland

Jeff said...

bowtiejack, I'm sure Ron Fournier'll show up somewhere to represent the liberals/progressives/democrats.

Neo Tuxedo said...

Or it could be Michael Shermer. (Seriously, read the "Skeptic" column in the latest bumper number of Scientific American. Calling it "utterly meretricious both-siderism" is an insult to meretrices everywhere who work hard for their money.)

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Yeah, I just read Shermer's latest offering yesterday. I'm considering not spending any of my meager funds to renew my subscription to SA because I don't want to subsidize a Sam Harris wannabe.

In his book Why People Believe Weird Things, he confessed to being a disenchanted former Ayn Randroid. He still seems to be a right-winger. :P

Cirze said...

And who owns "Scientific American" now?