Thursday, January 28, 2016

New York Times Accidentally Releases Early Draft of Tomorrow's David Brooks Column

The Statue of Liberty will be played by Imaginary Ronald Reagan.

"You maniacs" will be played by everyone in the Republican establishment except David Brooks.

And Nova will be played by Marco Rubio.


bluicebank said...

Ha ha.

And then Brooks continues as Heston, this time in "The Omega Man."

He imagines spending his time in his penthouse drinking brandy, sniping off the zombified white Republicans who keep harassing him.

"... the Family finally captures Neville. After a summary trial he is found guilty of heresy by the family's leader, Jonathan Matthias, a former news anchorman." Then a black woman saves Heston from the angry white mob. I just don't see that happening for Brooks.

Robt said...

I need casting on the phone, pronto!

Marco Rubio in the role of Nova will go over budget and the director sees Sarah Barracuda in the role. He says the character of Nova has o intelligible spoken lines. As Rubio has a talent to form sentences. Palin speaks but does not say anything. More adept natural talent fitting the Nova character.

Not to mention the price of her contract will come in well below flea market prices after Iowa.
Let casting know we have Jeb to fill the role of the great ape statue of the lawgiver and Chris Christie is contracted for the role of the Gorilla General.

Robt said...

Coming soon
Heston gets the role of the first man to seek an abortion,

As he checks in for his ultra vagina sound.
Heston shouts out,
"get your filthy paws off me?.

It won't be long before the NYT hires a psychic who senses what Brooks is going to write and publishes it.

Lawrence said...

Robt beat me to the casting change. How about Tom Friedman as Dr. Zaius? Also, Bill Kristol, Dick and Liz Cheney in a subway worshiping an H Bomb.

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good afternoon, Mr. Glass.

Oddly enough, never watched PotA. So I ended up with a different analogy for Mr. Brooks.

I was thinking of the Twilight Zone episode "Death Ship," where the crew is dead, but Jack Klugman won't accept it. So he's going to try just one more time to find some rational explanation for what's going on that doesn't include the words, "We died"...

“Picture of a man who will not see anything he does not choose to see, including his own death. A man of such indomitable will that even the two men beneath his command are not allowed to see the truth; which truth is, that they are no longer among the living, that the movements they make and the words they speak have all been made and spoken countless times before, and will be made and spoken countless times again, perhaps even unto eternity. Picture of a latter-day Flying Dutchman, sailing into the Twilight Zone."

Be seeing you.

Kathleen O'Neill said...


I keep telling our esteemed host that writing Brooksian columns could be very lucrative. He could out Brooks Brooks!!!

Robt said...


There is no competitive free market opportunities in the conservative donor world for a Brooksian column writer of DG's caliber.

I am positive if DG did not put his mind to it, He could write in the Brooks style. The money would be great. I just think he might eventually end up alone in a room. Looking out the window at girls across the way in a yoga class as he ties his socks together to hang himself upside down. Leaving a final column note behind that read, "goodbye cruel world. after all my life, only now will I know for sure about the both sides of the here and after question".